Okay, I really want some answers and this is really longs, so the first main paragragh is about religion and experiences and how I feel about god and other beliefs, the second one is the main one I really would like to know answers about, like basically is this just a phase what else to suspect, is it because of smokin, etc. Really I dont even know where to start on this subject, but I think I may be going through a phase in life, right now Im 19 years old, I know it sounds crazy, especially being 19, but one subject I think about a lot on is death, or life. Something that just seems to run me crazy thinking about it is just wondering what happens when we die? I grew up in a christian home, but I just don't seem to believe in God. I believe that Jesus was real and existed, but I don't believe that he was the son of God. I have so many different theories and explanations to things its not even funny. I started to think about reincarnation. This happen because one day I was just waisting time and of course thinking about what could possibly happen if I were to die, and I pictured maybe leaving my body as a spirit and coming back as someone else, Then as I told someone about it they told me about reincarnation.. So basically, I didn't even know that people believed in such a thing, but then I learned about reincarnation. But thinking about things in a smart state of mind, that also seems not likely. So I don't really believe in anything. Then, thinking back to christianity, When I was a kid I was watching a power rangers episode and I remember it showing some sort've monster/demon looking thing and my mom was walking through the living room and told me I better turn it off because demons could enter the house through the television, And I, even at that age, thought that that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard, so in a smart tone of voice back I told her I didn't care if they came and said "Let them come". Well, they did I believe. Later that night I woke up out of a cold sleep in my bedroom (No night lights or anything) and I seen a little girl, pale face, and dressed in black. She kept looking from side to side, I was horrified. Anyways, to shorten this up, the next morning I told my mom about this and she was telling me that it was because I had said let the demons come and bla bla over the power rangers things, that I was just inviting them in and they came, and the looking from side to side was more or less her looking for the party. Anyways thats why I somewhat believe that god/afterlife/spirits SOMETHING exist. I also had another experience, but not so scary. I'll shorten this one up, Basically, I woke up and for no reason was looking out my front window and there was this huge bright star in the sky, Lower than the rest and I looked at it for so long, but later that night I woke up again and was under a white cover(the cover in my bed, nothing out of the ordinary) but then I looked around and I seen a shadow(through the cover) and I seen the shadow of like a metal armored man, like the old mid-evil full body cover, and they was holding a spere or something, but they was there for the longest time and then they just turned around and walked out of the room. I had no idea what that was about either. Alright, Next. I think about stuff deeply sometimes, I've noticed that all the things I do think about like this , such as the religion and what not, I think about when I go without smokin for a day or two, Im a heavy smoker, and its always dank bud, and its everyday , all day pretty much, I've been smokin like that for about a year now. But anyways, I was saying I think that I think different than most people, For example, I worked at a cabinet shop a couple years ago and made lots and lots of trim and cabinets and bla bla bla, also I worked at a furniture store, selling beds and what not. Well, now to think about it, I was selling beds that could end up in a porno, that girl could lose her virginity on, or cabintets that would be in peoples homes and never even think about the builder, this eventually led to me thinking about the doors and tv and what not in my apartment, where did they come from, bla bla bla, like every person has there on life story, Ya know. It may seem weird and deep but I'm just looking for answers I guess. Another thing is being ritch and being poor. I'm scared of death of not having money as I get older, life is just whatever I make it out to be. I can be ritch I can be a bum on the side of the road. Its just whatever. How life works is just crazy to me. Is this just a phase in life that I'm going through? This stuff gets on my mind sometimes and I cant get it off and it bothers me and bothers me. I hope everything I typed translates to a good understanding for those of you reading this. Thanks.
well as far as religion goes, watch this. hope you have some time to waste, but its very interesting. second part has to do with 9/11 you can watch that if you want www.zeitgeistmovie.com
personally, i do believe in a superior being [this being may be God or someone/something else...idk] consider the concepts of perfection and infinity [as humans we can experience neither...we make mistakes and we die sooner or later as we are not immortal] but we know these concepts exist and they must exist in some form [this form is the superior being i believe exists] i also believe that the goal of our lives should be to strive for perfection [it is a goal that no one can reach and so it is a goal that we must continually work towards] as for reincarnation i think its linked with some sort of spirit that we all possess [our mind isnt just something that our body produces out of chemical hormones and brain cortexes] we think and feel...humans have emotions [something nothing else possesses] we have our own free will to do what we want and all this must stem from some sort of spiritual energy...and when we die i have often thought of what will happen to this spirit it may either perish with our bodies or it may return from which it came [i would have always believed in reincarnation as a sort of recycling of our spirits] to give our spirits another chance to strive for perfection [until one day we may reach this state and rest in peace] so far ive just seen life as a chance...a chance to make the best of what your given [rich or not] and regardless of what situation we're put in i believe we're still being watched [tested by some superior being watching how far we come to perfection] don't overthink everything dude take life as it comes and make the best of what you're given don't always worry about everyone else they have their own will and make their own choices
This is something my uncle taught me recently that helped me accept my thought process and how it frustrates me at times with how much I look into things: What you are describing, is what is known as "The Big Picture". It's about how all things come about and how they are related. For some it is too much to focus on and they lose focus trying to see so much all at once. Sometimes you have to look at it in sections but realize it is the big picture in order to see it, others just work to fill in the blurry parts and keep focusing on as much as they can. But what he told me is that in order to have the most clarity concerning these questions, you have to take it slow and piece by piece so-to-speak. This is what is meant by focus. Some focus on a problem so much it acts like a magnifying glass. Others can't see because the picture is too big and blurry and they don't want to take the time or allow contradiction into understanding to see it. When you have a question like where did this cabinet come from? Instead of trying to imagine where it came from- actually take a look inside the cabinet and see if you can see any markings. I know it sounds odd but if you really look into things you need to actually see them sometimes. If you don't it can bother you and bother you, like you are experiencing now. I am a prime example of someone who has to see what he looks into, or else I'm left feeling empty, like having a baseball without the glove or my favorite analogy for it "having the key but not knowing where the door is" Reincarnation is supported by the laws of physics as matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just transfers around changing phases either spontaneously or from certain conditions being met. So in a sense reincarnation is real and tangible, we try to burn a log and it just becomes something else. It's subjective that we would keep our current minds and also quite odd (isn't that the whole point of death? A new story and a new existance?) people think that way. Our deeds will not be forgotten by the universe but our stories sure as hell will when our brain stops producing electricity. Things like this you can look into and actually see something instead of just believing it as a good possibility. It helps "solve the mystery" yet still allow for the speculation you want to put on it, which allows for your individuality. You choose how to see it, but still you can actually see something. A lot like how someone views God in the perfection of certain things on earth, such as our relationship with plants and how we breathe in what they breathe out and vice-versa. We can see something, but can still view it how we want. Like the money thing- watch a successful person or read a book by a successful person and then ask yourself if it's what you believe in. You can see it, but still view it how you want. Hope that helps!
Thanks for the replies. Anyways, thats one of the biggest issues is the seeing is believing with me. If I dont see something, I don't believe it. I can analyze anything and find flaws or something that doesn't make since to me, and after that its hard for me to believe in whatever it might be. Its so hard to explain. Life in general is just complicating to me. Like I'm sitting in the office at work now, and I look out at the road, I find it amazing that that road can lead you to any city there is in the U.S. Hopefully I'm not just losing my mind. I'll get a feeling of depression sometimes , sometimes moody, I think maybe I'm going through some phase in life. But for example on the thing where I say I'll read something and find something wrong or something I seem to differ with, In the previous post, maybe the one before, it was talking about humans having feelings and emotions and bla bla something nothing else does, such as animals and what not, but at home, we have a dog and loves its master to death, when he leaves the house she acts really shady and whines sometimes and howls till he comes home, well theres a feeling of emotion there, she gets happy when he comes home, theres emotion. I dont know, its like a commercial on tv, every since I was a kid I've been able to take something said on a commercial and turn it around on the advertiser. I come up with my on conspriacys thats just stupid and I know isn't true but I always think that. For another example, I'm not racist at all, but one thing I thought about was all black people have there own mission to take over, this sounds really offensive and racist but the theory I've developed is they will even sacrifise themselves if it takes it but they must take over to be the domninant race. I know this isn't true, but its just something I came up with my head and I think about sometimes. Maybe my ability to find arguement with everything is really just a gift? Maybe I should be a lawyer? Idk. Thats something I didn't mention was having such a hard time trying to find the right career for me but thats way off subject, but if there is any sugestions I'm all open, thanks.
Book Recommendations? "Your Brain is God" By Timothy Leary. Leary is all about living life to the fullest and taking control of your Brain so you can be the master of your universe. An excellent writing. And... "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass! A classic!