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Life Advice for anyone

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by MMM3, Mar 18, 2012.

  1. #1 MMM3, Mar 18, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2012
    I'm sure you all have the friend like this, but I've always been the person that people come to when they have serious questions and problems they needed help with. I don't know what prompts people to do it, as I've never publicly advertised that I enjoy helping people, but for some reason even people that I barely know or haven't talked to in years will approach me for help with some of the precarious situations that life can put you in.

    As I said, I really enjoy helping people out. I like to think that I have a very rational thought process (I can separate emotional and logical thought and go through their processes independently, something that it seems very few people can do) and I'm very empathetic, two features very important to doing something like this. People who know me call me the Old Man because I tend to be the voice of reason in groups of people.


    Anyway, the point of this thread was to help. If you have any questions about your life that you are looking for help or guidance for, post them up. I'll try to answer any question that I feel merits a response. Trolls will be ignored. I can't guarantee the quality of my advice, the same way that nothing in life is guaranteed, but I can promise that I will answer every question honestly. If you don't think I can offer quality advice, don't bother posting. HOWEVER, if I offer you advice and you feel that I steered you wrong, let me know.



    This thread is open to anyone who wants to reply to questions that people have. However, people who flame others will be reported. We're all human, we all fuck up, and none of us are perfect. All I can promise is that I won't judge you, and I hope that anyone who uses this thread will do the same.


    ///M


    *edit*
    Basically, I want this to be an open, judgement-free thread that anyone can get advice for any situation on. Whether it comes from me or someone else, I just want to offer the chance to help. I figure that forums aren't being used properly. Instead of using anonymity as a chance to improve yourself, people devolve into useless, angry bastards. Let's give the internet a chance to help people!

    Philosophical discussions are also encouraged. I love 'em, and if you do too, then bring it on! I may not have anything to say in most conversations (gotta listen to learn) but philosophical discussions are my shit.
     
  2. #2 5cooby Doo, Mar 18, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2012
    Two topics... discuss

    1. Where is she???? That girl! ...=(

    2. When young ones are given a life lesson from someone who went through something hard in life and they know it makes COMPLETE sense and is so true...yet continue on as if they were never told that. (why don't we take other's life lessons and apply them to our lives? why do we only learn from our own mistakes *mostly*)
     
  3. #3 MMM3, Mar 18, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2012
    1. I think she could be any number of girls. Although, yes, genetically everyone is unique, I think that each person basically has a range of people they would be compatible with. "She" will also change based on the stage of life that you're in. I think the most important qualifier for "her" is whether or not you can imagine being best friends with her. If you're only together for sex or there's some big personality flaw that you're overlooking because the sex is great, then you're probably not going to last as a couple. Obviously, nobody is perfect, so you're going to have to learn to deal with her flaws, the same way she deals with yours. The best way to find her is to be honest, therefore. If it's understood that there aren't any skeletons in your closet, that she understands who you are both at your worst and at your best, then I think you have a chance.

    2. I think it's because there's something different with how the brain wires advice from others versus direct memories of situations you experienced in person. For example, when we're kids, our parents are telling us from day one how to do everything, telling us about the mistakes they made, with the hopes that we won't repeat them. Yet we do. I think the best thing we can hope for is to learn how to learn from others. We're obviously never going to have a 100% success rate, but let's say you make a mistake that someone had warned you about, the chances are good that you'll come out of the situation better than the person who you should've learned from.


    ///M


    *edit*

    To add to #1, I think that the culture we're raised in nowadays is a big part of the reason that 50% of marriages are unsuccessful. We're raised to look for "the one" and told to look forward to being "happy forever after" when we get married. The truth is that you're going to get bored of the person. The novelty is going to wear off, and if you're not capable of being best friends at that point, then you're going to fail as a relationship.
     
  4. #4 5cooby Doo, Mar 18, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2012
    I can chat with someone like you all day. :)

    edit:
    I totally agree with you. I don't believe there is a single "picture perfect" match for anyone. Sure you can be compatible but that only lasts so long. You have to really enjoy being with the other person and now that you mention being best friends, it would only make sense since your shared interests can keep you together. I find it quite interested that arranged marriages have a greater success rate than love-marriages, I guess opposites do attract.
     

  5. Philosophical discussions are my bread and butter, man. I can do it until my lips turn blue... Or in this case, till my fingertips bleed. :D


    Marriage is a fickle thing because people are fickle beings. The only girl I know presently that I would be willing to marry has been my best friend for the last six years of my life. She's been there for me when I'm at my worst and she's celebrated with me when I'm at my best. I'd like to think I've done the same for her. We've agreed that if she turns 30 (she's a year younger than me) and both of us haven't found a person we're willing to tie the knot with that both of us will drop what we're doing, move somewhere, and get married. It's very comforting knowing that I've got a security blanket set up.

    Yet, on the same note, we can talk about our relationships with others without getting bitter. Granted, I can't hide some of my jealousy for her current boyfriend, the same way she couldn't when I was dating, but because we're open about it we don't let it negatively effect our relationship. I would take a bullet for that woman and I think she'd be proud to know that a lot of what I've learned in my life I've learned from her.

    To anyone else reading this thread:

    If you're wondering if I'm "qualified" to answer your questions, the answer is that I'm not. I have no professional qualifications and only an entry-level college education in psychology. What I do have is a voracious appetite for knowledge, a keen intellect, and a love of studying people.

    I can't guarantee that my advice is sound. I can simply offer it and let you use it as you see fit. If it works for you, it's on the house. If it doesn't work for you, please let me know. I can't learn if you don't correct my mistakes.

    The only thing this process hinges on is honest. If you're honest with me, I can give you sound advice. If you withhold information, then my advice probably won't work for you. Be confident in the knowledge that neither I nor anyone else in this thread will judge you.



    ///M
     

  6. That's great! I don't know anyone of the opposite gender that I can comfortably open myself too and don't really know anyone that would with me...well a few people have talked to me but it's not like - oh I feel bad I want to talk to ScoobyDoo right... I wish I did... maybe someday. It's funny because I LOVE listening to others'; problems, stories, good times, bad times..and talking with them. (I seem to get along better with people that are older than me).
     
  7. Yeah. She's one of a kind, that girl. I just wish I could find another like her... Just gotta keep my eyes open. I wish she weren't on the other side of the goddamn country.

    I'm the same way. I love helping people and I especially love engaging in all kinds of opinion-based discussion, whether that's talking about whether extraterrestrial life exists to whether or not pizza is better cold or hot.

    I'm also the same way when it comes to getting along with people older than me. My parents' friends love me. I can sit down with a group of adults that I don't know and after listening to them for a few minutes I can converse with them like I had been born 10 minutes after them. Currently, most of my friends are actually between the ages of 25-65. I hang out at a cigar shop that's near where I live and I've learned more about life hanging out there than I have in all my years of school combined. It's about the size of a living room, pretty cozy, and there are a group of regulars that come in most days. I am in there almost every day, playing chess, programming, smoking cigars, and talking about life. It's basically an extension of my home, and I love the guys there. A couple of the guys have been playing chess with me pretty much every day and I've become quite the aficionado. If anyone is looking for an awesome game that allows you to compete mentally with another person, chess is your game. The way it parallels life is absurd, but that's a completely different topic of conversation.

    Best of all, I'm tight (friends) with the bartender next door (mid-40's milfish woman, would totally be DTF if she didn't drink so much every night and just clearly not have her shit together... Then again, there aren't many 40-year old bartenders that are on top of their game. No offense, 40-year old bartenders browsing this thread. Just a statement of fact.) so I can go and get a beer there in the afternoons. There's a younger waitress that I'm talking to (mid 20's) and hopefully I can get her number. She's seriously cute and is smart as hell to top it off... Fingers crossed, blades. This is an entirely new ball game for me. But I like the challenge of going for an older girl.


    ///M
     
  8. I joined a meth addict group to gain customers.. advice?

    Btw it worked well im rich :)
     
  9. I'm practically the same as you. I am always the guy to help others with their problems or talk people out of doing something stupid. But I'm shitty with dealing with my own problems. So here it goes, I am currently in college but I have no idea what to major in. All I want to do is play music and that is all I do when I get home from work/school. I'm sick of school and sick of having to work everyday just so I can fucking survive(unless that work involved playing music). But I can't major in music because my parents help me out somewhat and they would stop. Which would force me to drop out and go to work full time. I've also always believed that the Native Americans had it right, living off of and appreciating the land and just doing solely what's necessary to live and not having to deal with all this governmental bullshit. So advice?
     
  10. Heres my story: I am almost 20 very skinny(male), Ive been pretty anti social the last years (expect chillin with some good friends)...so I often feel uncomfortable in social situations and lack social skills. I also grew up alone no brothers or sisters. I dont have much joy right now I rather feel empty. I dont even think I could have a relationship (even though that would make me happier for sure)...I mean I would look good when I gained a bit weight but eating is hard aswell for me..and like I said I lack social skills. Life sucks right now. I think about suicide quite often because it seem so hopeless and Im just so sad, but I dont think its the right way. I just wanna share this dont know if you can help.
     
  11. Well, I have a dilemma that I've already decided for myself and already got some good advice on from other GC members but I'd appreciate any advice you can give.. I'll paste the relevant paragraph from my thread about it..

     
  12. Sounds like you've got your shit on lockdown and don't need advice from me...


    Well, I agree with you that it would be nice if we could live off the land. There's something to be said for living a minimalist lifestyle where you take only what you need and nothing more. However, times have changed. As much as you'd like to do that, it's just not possible any more. And I'm sure you'd very quickly find out that living off the land for extended periods of time is nowhere near as easy as you're imagining.

    Unfortunately, with music, you're going to have to sacrifice some of what you want to do to stay at college. I know you don't like going to class and working, but you have to look at it as a means to an end. If you stay in school, chances are you're going to make a lot more money than you will if you drop out. What you'll quickly find out about life is that it's about compromise. You usually can't have your cake and eat it too. I went through a somewhat similar situation and I didn't stay at college. I regret that decision every day because it closed all kinds of doors for my future. I don't want you to make the same mistake.

    For picking a major, I'd suggest just picking something that you've been good at or something that you at least somewhat enjoy/are interested in. Like I said, you're going to be a lot better off and a lot happier at college, so I would do whatever you can to make sure you stay there. Real life is a whole lot shittier than college, believe you me. If you're sick of school and sick of work then working full-time is going to drive you bat-shit crazy, like it nearly did to me. Just please believe me when I say that school is the easiest thing you will ever do and if you can just look a few years down the road you will be SO glad you stayed.

    I'm very similar. I'm 20, 6'0", 145 lbs. I was also quite antisocial up until the last year-year and a half. When it comes to gaining weight, you've just gotta get up and do it. I think you'll find that when you're working out or running every day, your appetite will increase to fit it.

    In terms of helping your social skills, the only way to do it is to break your comfort zone. Get a close friend or two to go with you somewhere that you would normally be quite uncomfortable and just practice your social skills. Bars are great for this because while you probably wouldn't want to marry many of the women you meet there, you can try new social skills on them and if it fails, you just move on to the next one. You have to push your boundaries. I know it's uncomfortable, as I've been there and done it, but I promise to you that it's worthwhile.

    About suicide, please don't man. My best friend of many years tried to kill himself one night. Had to go to the ER, and nearly died for several hours there. Thankfully, he survived. Now he's going to Elon University, has a 4.0, has a girlfriend, and is one of the happiest guys I know. Just remember that as long as you have people who care for you, life is always worth living. And even if you don't see those people every day or sense that they're there, they are.


    Well, it sounds like you've already made up your mind. And I think you've got the right idea. If you're going to do this, it's a matter of commitment. You can't halfass it. There is no backing out.

    The only thing that I would advise you to consider is where you see this taking you in life. While branches like the Army, Navy, and Chair Force can give you a lot of technical training and help you set yourself up for a career outside of the armed forces, the Marines really don't do that. You're a grunt. Now don't get me wrong, I probably respect the Marines the most of any branch, but it is what it is.

    Unfortunately joining the Marines is not going to set you up for many different career options in life. As well, you said it's always been your dream to be a Marine, so I'd make sure you take a step back and objectively evaluate what that means. When something has been your dream for a long time, it's easy to romanticize it and beautify it and turn it into something that it isn't. And once you realize that you blew it out of proportion, it's too late.

    So as long as you've considered all your options, which it sounds like you have, I think only you'll know if you're making the right decision.

    If you do join, SEMPER FI MOTHERFUCKER.


    ///M
     


  13. You'd be surprised how many people are not that social. I'm on the same boat as you guys but I'm working on it :). I used to be very antisocial? In the sense that I didn't really go out or hang out with others. I'm starting to 'let-loose' a bit. Ironically, we are on a MJ forum, and MJ has actually helped me with my anti-social problems.

    And Dulalo, please do not. You have to push through the though times. Do you have a mom? dad? Image how they would feel? Grandma? Uncle? Little girl down the street that looks up to you? Anti-social, suicide, depression are all in a way, linked together or can get linked together.
    Start going out, volunteer places you enjoy, find some hobbies. Things will change eventually. Good luck. :)
     
  14. Thanks for your advice guys. I try to change but just thinking about going to a bar/club or any social situation where I might want to talk to some people makes me feel anxious. Its so horrible I wish I could just feel well among people and get along with them without being under the influence of some drug.
     

  15. The anxiety never really goes away. That's just something you'll have to get used to. Honestly, what really helped cure my social anxiety was alcohol. The key is only drink enough to feel it, enough to get a little buzz going, and then go for it. A lot of times a bit of liquid courage is enough to get you up and moving.

    The key is that you can't allow yourself to become dependent on it. The first time you go out, maybe take 3-4 shots (depending on your tolerance) and then go. When you're out, force yourself to converse with people. It may make you uncomfortable, but just act naturally. You know you can converse with people because you can do it with your best friends. If you need a little extra help, come up with a list of questions to ask people before you go out.

    The next time you go, take 1 or 2 shots. Before you know it, you'll have conditioned yourself to not feel that horrible anxiety that comes with group social interaction. Well, I should correct myself. You'll feel it. You'll always know it's there. But instead of having a really bad stomach ache and feeling like you're going to throw up (what used to happen to me) it'll just be a little gnawing feeling that wears off once you get into conversation.


    ///M
     

  16. First of all, thanks for taking the time to share this advice/wisdom :)

    I know that the Marine Corps won't give me as many opportunities in the civilian world, but depending on how things go I might want to make a career out of it. Hadn't really thought about what I would want to do after I got out (if I chose/had to leave).. I had thought about doing private contracting.. although that is controversial and has the potential to put me in some extremely awkward situations to say the least.. I'll have to give it some thought.

    I've been trying to do just that, look at the dilemma objectively. Its very hard to do, and its scary that its so hard, because if I would have been better off staying here.. and I discover that later I really don't know how I'm going to react all I know is that I'll be crushed.. devastated, and thats not even the scary part, the scary part is that when things like that happen to me.. I lose all motivation to do anything productive..and at this stage in my life that is the absolute last thing I need.

    With that said I suppose I've exhausted my efforts in evaluating my situation objectively and have done all I can to do that, so the only thing I can do is commit to this 100% and hope I'm right.
     
  17. Advice: 2 in the pink 1 in the stink.
     
  18. Well what I would suggest is just give it some time. If you decide that the Marines are right for you, there's not really an age that you can't join. I mean you might seem a bit out of place going to boot when you're 35, but it's not going to really matter between the ages of like 18-25.

    Give yourself some time to make sure that's what you want to do. Who knows? You may discover a new passion, somewhere that you can do what you love and make a difference, without having to carry a rifle! I love our armed forces, and would never say a bad word about 99% of them, but I simply don't believe that it's worth it to join right now. Afghanistan is not a nice place to be and I don't believe our military needs to be there right now. We can make a bigger difference in that country with education. They've seen enough guns in the last 30-40 years.



    Not new advice, sir. Dane Cook made sure everyone and their grandmother knew the shocker.


    ///M
     

  19. Yeah, I'm 19 now and I always had wanted to join right away. At 17 I wanted to go into the DEP, but there was some nonsense about the fact that I was diagnosed with ADD as a child, which I don't have anymore I just can't prove it.. So this time I'm taking 5 classes at a community college in the states through this summer and next fall as "proof" that I can "function" off medication (which I haven't used for a good 4-5 years), and then I can ship to bootcamp next winter.. and while doing the classes I participate in some of the DEP activities and the PT that they have at the recruiting office one day a week.

    So I suppose I get a miniscule taste of what the marine corps will be like through those activities.. and since I have to take classes for basically the next 6-8 months, I'll have some time to think too.

    Well, thats the thing, I know 100% for sure that I want to be a marine. I've known that since I was 7 years old. My hesitation comes more from the fact that I have to leave my mom, and 3 siblings behind here. I've been moved out of the house for 2 years now.. but I would be 1,000s of miles away this time. I just keep thinking back on our whole history in The Netherlands and everytime I do it gets harder to leave. I wish there was a way I could stay here and do it but there isn't.

    Oh and on Afghanistan.. I agree with you at this point we're not serving much of a purpose by being there.. the only one I can think of is being a preventative force against the taliban, because if we left they would have their dictatorship again for sure, the Afghan security forces tend to shoot more of their fellow afghans and coalition forces then they do bad guys. Not to turn this into a debate or anything haha :p

    I just mean that the reality is that we have presence there, and theres always a potential for deployment if you enlist. People ask me, "Why would you be willing to risk your life for something like that?" and when I think about it, it would be worth something to me, and in my mind if its worth something to me than its worth dying for.
     

  20. This is wrong, social anxiety does go away, but not without hard work.

    I wrote a whole passionate essay about this in another thread, I'll try and find it...

    Basically the gist of it though, and I can't emphasise this enough - Practice is the key. Just get yourself out there, and talk about anything, to anyone you can.

    Very difficult at first I know, but you can and will get to the point where you can just happily chat to strangers.

    In my mind now, social anxiety isn't a disorder, it's simply a lack of practicing interaction. I only got it during my teen years cos I was addicted to gaming so much
     
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