Dear Friends. I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit. On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want! This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone. Sincerely, Santa Claus
Dear Santa, Get you shit together, man!! It's ONE DAY out of the year! I will accept no whiny ass excuses!! Slip the Mrs. a couple valiums. Give Rudolph the night off and turn on you damned headlights! You can keep all the birds and fiddlers and shit - they would just be tortured and abused by my boys!! Now - you go get your shit together and I don't want to hear from you 'til you are singin a different song!! MOM
I was really liking Smokin's letter but I must say that Stonie Jo blew it out of the water! Good one, girl!!!!
Good one Stonie Jo!!! Santa, Chill out man and smoke ya a big one!!!!!!! Don't load it on the shitter though!