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Learn from my mistake: enjoy don't abuse.

Discussion in 'Seasoned Marijuana Users' started by irieC, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. #1 irieC, Jan 25, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2009
    First I would like to say that I apologize if there have been a lot of post like this; I have not really seen any, so please don't yell at me to use the search function. I think if this post helps one person it will be worthwhile, and my intentions are genuine.

    I've been dancing with Mary Jane for a few years now, but the last year has been a roller coaster; this is how I became an abuser instead of consumer of cannabis. Some back story is needed:


    In many ways, I have had a very fortunate life, but I have found that when things don't go so well, I do not handle them well. The last two years of my undergraduate life were extremely stressful. I double majored in finance and economics from a top university, and my work load was daunting, but I was happy. So even though I would sometimes smoke 3-4 times a week, the ganj helped me relax, but I never turned to it to make me feel better. So after I graduated from college I went to work on the trading floor for a Hedge Fund.........that's when I found out what real stress was. At 22, I was working 90 hour weeks, getting gray hairs, and stressed out of my mind. And I must say, the drug culture in finance is HUGE, this place was like a heaven for any drug you may need. But even then, as stressful as my life was, I was extremely thankful and happy with my life; during my time at that firm I started smoking a lot, but It would just be like a night smoke with some friends/coworkers whatever (my g/f didn't smoke.) Again, during this time I never turned to MJ to solve problems that I may be facing, and life was gravy. Well, of course during the subprime crisis, meltdown of the CDO markets, and structured finance in general my firm lost about 7 billion, and I found new employment. This is when my troubles with abusing marijuana began.

    I absolutely hated my new job with a competing financial firm. At my new firm the money, while really good, was shit compared to what I was previously making; hell my bonus at my last job was a lot more than my base salary now. I broke up with the only woman I ever loved. I failed at something that I studied over 300 hours for; having never even gotten a C in college, this devastated me, and so I turned to marijuana to make me feel better about life.

    I started smoking dank heavily every day, and my weekends became nothing but all day smoke sessions. This plant became the center of my life. When I woke up MJ was the first thing I thought about, at work throughout the day, I would constantly just be thinking about smoking; some days I would leave work early, unannounced, just so I could start smoking earlier. My monthly MJ expenses exceeded $2,000 some months (this figure includes munchie food). All I cared about was smoking, because it was the only thing that made me feel better, I became mentally dependent on it for happiness. I went from having a very active social life, to 'the reclusive stoner' that is so stereotypically played by the media: John Walters would have had a field day with me. I remember one night, passing down two parties, in which I was going to be the only guy in a group of about 12 hot girls (i.e. gold diggers), and was pretty much just guranteed sex, and turned that down so I could try a new strain at home that night, alone. It got so bad that I found life when not high, to be no fun at all. Every time I would go to something, I would just think, man this would be so much more fun high. Towards the end one of my closest friends started becoming really concerned about the changes in my life, and I would just completely snap at her; greatly hurting her, b/c how dare she question why my life was going to shit.

    I new I had an abuse problem, but would always try to justify it somehow in my mind, or simply try to run away from the problem........literally. I took a 10 day Caribbean vacation to try to escape, and ended up spending about $3,000 on MJ on that vacation. The entire vacation I was just high and having sex.....but always while high, so that didn't work. Then I would think well, I'll stop being so abusive with it when my life improves. Or, well I'll just smoke on the weekends. Several times I made my self go dry, so I would have to stop, but would immediately picked up the phone and call one of my dealers the night of being dry, b/c I just wanted to feel happy, and that scenario played out a lot, I would always try to convince my self in my mind, but then after going dry, I would convince my self to smoke again b/c "MJ isn't addictive so how can I be an abuser." (None of this is marijuana's fault, just as most people have no problem with alcohol, those who turn to it to solve life's problems become abusers; same here.) I remember one time when I was forcing my self dry, I took two days off of work and spent them smoking a half zip in my car in the parking lot of a movie theater, and just watching random movies at the theater, of course after going dry, the very next day at work I made a ganj purchase. I remember, my checking account was near zero (trust me, my checking should never go into overdraft), and my dealer hit me up telling me that he had some amazing gdp, and I thought "well if I put my account into overdraft, who cares, my next pay check will be hitting soon anyways." Yes my life went to shit, I realized it, and decided enough was enough.

    I stopped smoking cold turkey after smoking dank daily for well a year or so I guess. The first night, was ridiculous. I was like a crack fiend, I got home and was soooo bored, just like, wtf is the point of life w/out weed. I checked my grinders for kief, and bud that I may have dropped somewhere, I checked everything. Found some, was about to smoke it, but threw it in the toilet. Drunk a bottle of wine, and went to bed. Here is the amazing thing about MJ, I woke up the next day fine (well hungover,) but fine. My mental link to needing to smoke was broken just like that, just one day.........I was amazed at how there was no really craving withdrawal or anything; of course I've read about MJ not being really physically addicting, but I was living proof of that. My appetite was incredibly reduced, but again that is my fault for always smoking before eating (food taste so damn good high); it's like I became so used to it that eating w/out being high it just didn't happen. After a few days my normal appetite returned. I stopped smoking for a month. After that I started smoking only on weekends, but not to improve my mood. I can smoke every day if I want now w/out a problem. All across the world life is beautiful, I don't need to smoke to take pleasure in this world, smoking marijuana is simply one of an uncountable number of pleasures that life provides. Life should never revolve around MJ as my life once did, instead MJ should be fit into your life. I've never shared this with anyone, and it feels good to say. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Sounds to me like you just need a T break and a fresh start.

    I understand where you are coming from. Nice personal experience.

    -C
     
  3. ya dude a good month t break


    a couple of years ago i did it like ever time i woke up and shit but now i usally
    do it at like 9 at night then go to bed at 10 30 and when i wake up i feel great


    peace :wave:
     
  4. yea, as a teenager i turned to marijuana as an escape from shit in my life, parents being divorced, grandfather in the hospital constantly because of heart and stroke and memory problems, along with social problems. i really started actually abusing it in the summer of 10th grade. all day and night, nothing but smoking weed. but it was the summer right? nah, pressure from family, peer pressure, and ofcourse money problem with my mom, who i was living with.

    the thing is man, i completely understand where ur coming from. not directly, ive never experienced any of that, but ive abused marijuana because of problems in life and trying to make myself feel better. you just need to take a break, step back, actually examine your life and what you should be doing instead of smoking weed. it makes a world of difference bro. trust me on that.

    hope everything works out for you.
     
  5. Sorry if my OP made it sound like this was recent and that I'm just trying to stop or something. The whole not abusing change was several months ago; I'm just now posting the story.
     
  6. Good story man. Im kinda going through this right now. Ive been smoking a lot of dank every day and I just dont get high anymore. I found waiting till night to smoke is best because if you dont smoke all day you only need a little bit at night to get nice and toasted.
     
  7. Very good post man I really respect that.
    I can some what relate to your story - a lot of details
    I am happy I was able to read this, and happy everything is good with you now!
    I think your right about marijuana in the fact that it is not addictive, but can do a number on the mind
    if we let it.
    +rep for sharing
    btw I like your avatar!
     
  8. glad to see you're better. mind over matter once again. nice ;)
     
  9. This has made me realize that I, am abuser.

    As I read more and more, i just kept thinking, "this is me." The part about life feeling utterly worthless without weed, But not the parts about graduating from college and having a career.

    I do have a job and I feel like I am just working for weed. All I do is buy fat sacks every paycheck, and sit in my room and get high ( or go to friends houses, get high all day)

    I have realized now that I may have a serious problem, and weed SHOULDNT be abused, as in the way I, and you, have abused it.

    I just wanted to say thanks for opening up my eyes. I don't think you'll ever realize how much you just helped me.

    Thank you, so much.
     
  10. Good post. I think a lot of people go through a similar situation, especially when they first start out. When I first started out I really had no concept of respect or priority with the herb, and wasn't respecting people's time and was smoking and times when I probably shouldn't have.

    I'm just thankful that it didn't happen during school and start taking it's toll then. I took a month break in October till early november and really put things in perspective and gave a greater appreciation of when getting blazed was appropriate and how to prioritize.
     

  11. Hey man, it was big of you to admit that. I wish you well, and it really made my day knowing that I've helped someone.
     
  12. I'm glad you were able to stop! That should help a lot of people! (like ^). I have learned controlled my weed consumption without getting to the point of abuse. I have figured out a way to keep from abusing. But sometimes I smoke to escape, I don't necessarily think its bad to do that as long as that is not the only reason you 're smoking.
     
  13. That was me last Summer. I think the tough times has gotten us all on our toes. Thankfully, I have found a happy medium.
     
  14. wall of text crits me for 23234 damage, i die.
     
  15. Yea.. I don't want to godown that path
     
  16. damn man i can relate to that... went through a similar problem. Weed has a lot of depersonalization and anti-social power when used wrong. It'll replace social interaction instead of heightening it. Fortunately, after about 6 months, i just flat out ran dry for a month and in that time managed to realize the problem i had and fix it. I still will smoke now but as a means to an end not as an end in of itself.
     
  17. That is kind of disrespectful...
    But being on the internet who cares right :(.
    I know i benefited from that and maybe you would to if you actually read it.
     
  18. its not disrespectful so much as gay... i doubt that he really understands the situation or that he's more than 15 but w/e... either way he needs to chill w/ the videogames for a bit
     
  19. that story was moving bro and im not just saying that. i read the entire thing and wanted to thank you for posting that because it puts shit into perspective. it is all about moderation. whenever something consumes your life, then it is time for a change.
     
  20. I really feel like a whole new person already. I've decided to take a t-break for a while. Thank you again so much, I can't believe it just took one person's story to change me, compared to 2 years of drug counseling. Thank you again, and +rep.
     

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