for the last 6 months or so ive been slipping farther and farther into heroin addiction to the point where the drugs in the drivers seat and im just along for the ride. my relationships and life in general has gone to shit. i felt hopeful about my future before and saw big things..i graduated from high school in the top 5% of my class with my GPA in the mid 90's. i just feel like im falling apart now and i cant get off my minds so wrapped up in it. the entire summer ive gone 4 days clean, two of them i had suboxone, and its really sickening... my emotions are so wacked out and i know i cant keep shooting up for ever. its just that it seems so hopeless, ive never reached a point of sobriety where my mind feels clear and i feel whole emotionally. Basically the point of this..is there anyone thats been through it that can tell me it gets better....will my emotions ever balance out or will i feel all fucked up inside for the rest of my life always thinking back to the needle? i can deal with the physical shit, its just the mental never seems to subside
keep pushin man.. it gets better... id say go to meetings if u can force urself.. you will be suprised how supportive people that have been there can be.. if u really wanna do this for urself i would really suggest goin to a Narcotics Anonymous MEETING heres the website if ur interested bro.... i struggled myself and without this it wouldnt have worked.... well this and weed =) GOOD LUCK HOME BOY!!!!
my best friend went through that. it wont get any better unless you want it to get better. and heroin isnt an easy thing to kick. the bottom line is if you want to help yourself then you need to just do it. theres 1 word for help for those who want to thelp you quit: rehab. my best friend came back from rehab a totally new person. i have my friend back. he was there for 6 months and he said he needed it if he were ever gonna kick the junk. it isnt gonna just "happen" unless you want it to and do something about. this is one of those things time doesnt fix, only makes worse.
i honestly think i need rehab but i dont know if its an available option right now..my older brother just finished nearly 8 months of detox, rehab, and a halfway house for the same exact problem. i want to come clean to my family but i dont think i could do that to them...theyve been through so much the last year dealing with that i cant bring myself to tell them.
better to tell them early then have them find u OD'd in ur room... u think RITE NOW is too much???? pfft... do it sooner than later my friend... sooner than later.... good luck with all this..
think about yourself. i mean yeah its tough to but for as hard as its gonna be you will become a better person. people will find out if you dont tell them. your family loves you man. theyre gonna wanna help. was your bro forced into rehab/detox or did he go on his own will? if you go on your own will, its alot better then being forced to 2 years from now when you cant hold a job, people leave you, and your life starts to crumble. it sucks to think about people abandoning you but people dont realize what heorin is unless youve tried it. ive tried it. i know how you feel kinda (altohugh i didnt IV) but this time the grass IS greener
its really eating me up inside man..the level of guilt is so high just because i watched it destroy my brothers life, he lost everything, yet i cant stop shooting up. idk if i could feel much lower, the shit tore my family up the first time through..i feel so fucking lost inside. he went willingly, he got thrown out of the first one for using, then i guess he was sorta forced into the second program..when he got thrown out of the first one he started playing the doctors and had a lot of different scripts. the psych meds plus the dope had him out of his mind so he started denying his problem but after about a week he was back in rehab.
bro ... this drug has taken more people than me or u can count... do u really think no one has felt this way before? i guarantee more than 100,000 people have said this exact same thing... how old are u btw? is checking urself in to a rehab out of the question ? whats stopping u from just telling them? how could it really get any worse? ur already gonna spiral down untill u cant function enough to ask for help when u need it... i really hope shit goes well for u man.
i watched it eat my best friend away. and no matter what anyone did, he was hooked. when his mom shipped him to cali for a year, it wasnt by his will. and he told me the other day that i need to evaluate myself right now. that opened my eyes. ive been on a lille coke streak latley, but coke isnt heroin. i can kick coke. suchas today/tnite i wont be on it cuz im not around it the only way to not do it anymore is to not be around it.
im 19 in december and yeah legally i could go to rehab...i dont know whats stopping me, fear more than anything. im scared to look them in the eye and tell them "so after everything i saw happen because of heroin, i actually use heroin myself and need rehab". and your right man i know im not the first junkie im just scared dude..scared of cleaning up maybe i dont even know..like i said i dont know im so lost right now. i had like a 4 month stretch of clean time before i got back into it real hard...i started off sniffing for a few months, shot up twice, then my dealer got popped and i had no other means of getting it. i felt solid then, i actually enjoyed living my life, i was lifting regularly and i felt good about who i was...but i never stopped thinking about heroin entirely and around april i came across it again shit started unraveling from there..it started with weekends, then as much as i could afford, and now its everyday
i'm not sure how realistic this is and i dont know to much about heroin at all, and this idea might seem kinda terrible to some but what if you did something similar to trainspotting where the dudes parents installed locks on the outside of the door so if he started trying to escape while going through withdrawals he cant get out and have a either a doctor come to the house every now and then to have a check up and possibly a small dose of morphine or a visit the the hospital every once in long while. it seems like a good idea sense it keeps a person away from people and activites that involve heroin, but i couldnt imagine having a person be in one room for a couple of weeks i think i should of just not post this because i am not very knowledgable about heroin addiction and withdrawals, but its an idea!
well in all fairness to them i say suck it up and go thru with it... it can only get better... what r they gonna do ? smack u in the face? time heals all wounds and u have alot of time to go.. like u said ur 19... if u want to u can check urself in to rehab for free.. ... say ur indigent ...sp?... get a free room and board... i would really look in to it bro. for the sake of everyone around u... i wish u luck
i appreciate the advice..it means a lot that im not just getting bitched at for doing dope. will i ever be able to put it out of my mind though..you said youve gone through it do you ever forget the drug and the urge to use. or am i gonna wake up everyday for the rest of my life and struggle with the thought of copping today or not?
it gets better.. but to be realistic .. i think about it EVERY FUCKING DAY.... its a daily struggle..BUT ive been clean for 3 years now... jan 27 2005... but it does get better buddy. i swear it. its not hard if u seperate urself and get ur head clear... stay away from the ppl that u use around/score from ... get a sponsor (someone to call if u feel like using that will be there for u 24/7) thats a big one
theres an NA meeting later today my brothers going to..im gonna go, itll be my first. coincidentally its on the same block i cop dope on. so well see. 420 did you shoot?
GOOD BRO!!!!!!! FUCKIN CONGRATZ!!!! THATS A HUGE STEP AND I LITERALLY GOT CHILLS JUST NOW!!!!! i sincerely hope this works for u man. all u can do now is listen and listen and listen some more.. absorb everything u can!! u can do it bro.. one day at a time!!!
having money is usually the hardest thing for me..ive got $50 to get me to wednesday or so..usually id have grabbed 2 or 3 bags then felt like shit until more money came around. im going to a concert tuesday and i wanna be able to enjoy myself, smoke a dutch or what ever so i really cant cop or the concert will be miserable. stupid reason for not buying dope i know but ive been waiting all summer to see the Allmans and Ratdog. i had deffinately planned on being high for it, i just gotta push the thought from my mind.
just get ur ass to the meeting!!!! one day at a time.. good luck man.. and please post again. im off for the night. but ill check back on this one again for sure. AGAIN ... IF NO ONE HAS TOLD U TODAY THAT U ROCK... U FUCKIN ROCK BRO..!!! GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING!!!!
thanks for the support ill let you know how the meeting goes..means alot to me you took the time to post.
