so after being a on and off smoker for the last few years ive come to find that mary jane has its pleasures for sure but also its downfalls atleast in relation to me and my life.. It used to be exciting but the more i smoke the more distant the world and relaity becomes in my mind.I get cloudy and slow. Ive been trying to compete competitively in sports and been lifting and trying my hardest in school but when weed hits my brain it amplifies my self conscious parts of my personality and makes it hard for me to accept me for who i am and work well. I almost feel like im constantly morphing my self image and playing head games with myself. My mind tells me that life isnt worth living because its all worth nothing in the end one day, and the next that its infinitely beautiful and that ive come to some sort of revelation. But in the end.. theres always a point where i come back into a slump and feel depressed and hopeless. Its an almost unbearable feeling of not being accepted, wanted, and loved. Its a feeling that everything around me that used to be special and symbolic to my life is seemingly lost because somehow it doesnt apply anymore. Its hard for me to write this coming from my mind because i dont have great writing skills but i hope this atleast gets accross to someone. I dont want sympathy really just someone that will say they understand, i really hope that by stopping smoking ill feel normal again and life will come back into place, but for now i bid marijuana a farewell.
Like to read? Tao Te Ching - Translated by J. Legge Read it as if it has answers. Don't look at it as religion.
what do you interpret it to mean sorry its long and im tired but since you found it i assume you've already read and understand what it says
I feel the same way at times but what gets me through is the undying belief that one day it's worth it and my loved ones are with me every step I take. Sometimes its hard to get out of a slump but believe me when I say you can.
I feel ya bro sometimes i go to bed like loving life but next mournin im literally like in a the worst mood like fuck life.. at least til i hit a bowl and get my mind straight. I understand not being accepted feeling to just remember theres no changing who you are just be yourself and if people dont like that then fuck em. Im a pretty independent person myself being an only child an all i find I use smokin buds to cope with alot of stress mostly bullshit I shouldnt even care about. I love smoking buds its just that at sometimes I wish i could go to a place where bud didnt exist just to see what I would be like. By the way Ive been smokin everyday for bout 3 years straight now
Weed has the tendency to make you examine your true self and really dig deep to find the answers of life. To some this is a positive experience, for others negative. It really is all just psychological though. You are playing head games with yourself. Realize this and you will be fine.
Holy fuck! I got this thread linked to me by a friend because she knew what I went through and its absolutely precise to your description. I'm having deja vu of just a week ago, a few days ago actually to how I felt and still feel sometimes. I'm on a break right now, I haven't got high since last Monday and I'm already noticing improvements. I suffer from depression so my case might be a bit different. The thing about depression is- you wont get sympathy, nobody really understands unless they're in your shoes. I always feel lame as fuck when I talk about being depressed and like anyone I tell it to is thinking "suck it up!" so I understand why its hard to find anyone who can cophrehend bad feelings, either from marijuana withdrawl or depression. Although I had a really good day today, I was about go to lunch when I had the simplest thought of "I'm gonna be alone someday" and I had to keep working to get it out my mind instead of sitting around eating, as I worked and worked I completely zoned out of the thought and became happy again. I'm not telling you to work your ass of or anything to get over these feelings but simply do other hobbies to bypass these gloomy thoughts instead of just getting high, because when the high is gone, they will still be there. You can cry as well bro, don't fear that. Instead of smoking away your sorrows, cry, you'll feel much better. It may make you feel weird at first, but why? It's natural, allow your tears to extinguish your bad thoughts you'll feel relieved after. The body is full of chemicals and reacts differently depending on the person. Have somebody close to you that you can tell these things to, dont worry about them judging you.. if they do, you shouldn't be close to them anyways. I'm just saying bro, find things natural that help you. A good friend, nature, tears, anything.. marijuana is really something, I love it to death, but any sort of abuse of anything to cover up happiness is bound to lead to problems when you don't have it. I can really relate to feeling like the end is coming when you're off. I've broke down without it because I didn't know how to regulate my emotions naturally, and I'm saying broke down over things i'd normally think about and "whatever" and move on. It's cool man, we've all been there, you're not alone. happy toking but take er easy!
i hate the say it but i get the OP completly. And the other dude when he mentioned depressed people get no sympathy... I feel like even though depression utterly sucks balls, it causes me to look deeper, and i've learned to battle it by finding the beauty and happiness in everything. or at least fucking trying to.
Same here, for example.. I feel like such a weak person crying and I know if somebody knows I cry over my problems as a dude theyd laugh, thats the problem, people mistake "depression" with being sad.. its not just that. I think in the last 5 years though only one person has ever seen me cry, besides the obvious wakes and funerals.. I've kept my depression low-key, but sometimes when you start talking about things you become vulnerable. I'd describe depression as every negative emotion accumulating on your shoulders to the point that you either need to be drugged, cry, and/or find something that takes your mind off it. If you have no source of drugs and the drugs are what you usually go to, you'll eventually just break down because you dont know how to properly deal with your emotions. I think its that way depressed or not.
i get like this too and the only medicine is to stop tokin for a minute. i can really smoke a lot if im not disciplined and it doesnt take long for me to start feeling like some kind of psycho after prolonged abuse without any breaks. but when i cut back and moderate my usage i feel much sharper and saner. like now for example. i dont feel crazy at all.