I really don't have many real friends... Not any I feel like I can talk to anyway... I feel like an outcast and I don't like how people my age are. I feel like I'm a lot older than I am and everyone my age just pisses me off. Everyone is so fake and everyone thinks they're such a bad ass and all this shit and I can't fucking take it. I started college a few weeks ago and what I was looking forward to the most was meeting new people and hopefully finding just one (1) real friend. I have met no one. No one has approached me to talk to me. I'm invisible. Which I wouldn't mind any other time in my life. In high school I was the smart girl with everything going her way. The only reason people talked to me is so I would either do their work for them or help them do their work. I mean fuck, do I have the fucking plague or something?! Like what the fuck?! I know I'm not beautiful, I don't have a great body, I don't have anything to make people notice me... But I'm not hideous, I have the fucking body of Marilyn Monroe (maybe not the skinniest girl but I am the fucking epitome of a woman, tiny fucking waist, round hips, tits, the whole fucking package), I'm smart enough, I have good hygiene, I try really hard not to be rude to people, I just don't fucking get it! What the fuck is wrong with me!? My mom may as well beg me to move out. My siblings hate me. I don't really have friends. My sperm donor doesn't give a shit about me. I was told tonight at dinner that I basically just fuck everything up. I apparently ruined 3 holidays in a row because I had an "attitude" which made our burgers burnt and our fries cold... That's all my fault!! All of it!! I find that very hard to fucking believe. Apparently the only thing I do is fuck shit up for everyone. I don't do anything right. Everything I do there's something wrong with it. Everything. I'm jealous and always suspicious of my boyfriend and it pisses him off. The only complements I get are from him. The only one I hear is sexy. Okay I get it. I appreciate it. I really do. It gets me all hot and bothered to hear him say it no matter how many times I hear it. But just once I want someone to tell me I'm worth something. I want someone to look at me and think wow she's beautiful. Or wow she is really fun. Or wow she has a great personality. Or maybe one day someone to miss me. Or would it be too much to fucking ask for someone to actually want to be around me at all?! I don't under fucking stand!! It's like the whole fucking world just shoved it's fat ugly finger in my face and screamed fuck you in my ear so loud that I'll never be able to hear again! Oh my fucking god I just want to fucking scream!! All I want is someone to care! I want someone to appreciate me! I have 1 person I consider 1/2 a friend and all she cares about is herself. My boyfriend is my best friend. I love him with everything I have, but I feel like its not good enough. I feel like I want and love him more than he wants and loves me. I feel like I have no one. My sperm donor (because I refuse to call him a father), my mother, my siblings, my step father, my "friend", and my boyfriend. That's who I have. And the most fucked up thing is I feel like I can post this to a forum where no one knows me, but I can't talk to any of them. What the fuck. My life is fucked. My dream is to make my boyfriend fall so deeply and madly in love with me that he just wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. Then we can run away together somewhere no one knows where we are with a lifetime supply of the best weed money can buy and live there with him forever and escape all the bull shit. I don't even need to marry him, as long as its me him and some stupendous fucking kush that will get me so fucked up that I'll forget all of it. I want to disappear. I'm sorry, I know this isn't the place for this but I really needed to get all of that out and I have no one to talk to.
It was really hard to read all of that text... Hurt my eyes kindve.. But the best advice I can give.. Is just keep being yourself.. and eventually all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place If you really need someone to chat with hit me with a private message and we could skype sometime if you wanted.. About the sibling and family issues.. The best thing to do is move out on your own and become independant... You realy should not be relying on others for your happiness.. Just stay strong bladie The night is always darkest before dawn.. (i may have fucked up that analogy, my bad haha) Edit: A good way to relieve some stress is to go camping or on a nature hike.. Chill under the stars and smoke some doobies... There is honestly nothing more relaxing than this.
I'm really high and I was trying to read this thread to reply to it, then I got distracted. I also had a funny comment to post but I forgot what it was. So yes to whatever your giant brick of text says.
“Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!” ― Bob Marley
i read a few sentences and just stopped. dude, welcome to the world. people suck for the most part. decide what type of friends you want to make, and go to where they gather. for instance, if you like to party/drink/get high, don't go to a tennis match. don't wait for anyone to approach you, it prob. won't happen. if you have any hobbies/interests, look for people in that venue. i've found that humor is a great ice breaker when making friends of either sex. check out a bulletin board for stuff happening. a college is bound to have a bulletin board or two..... mainly, just relax! if you're desperate, people can smell it, and will avoid you thinking there's something wrong with you....
Fuck you and your bad assedness. Lol jk. I didn't expect anyone to read it. But thanks to the first one who did read it. I really appreciate your advice and you taking time out to reply and everything. It's hard to explain but I can't move out just yet... It would be longer than the original post lol. But I just can't help but think if I had a friend, a real friend, to hang out with and talk to and stuff things would be easier. I was being so serious about my boyfriend being my best friend, that's exactly 100% how I feel and I wouldn't want it any other way. Just sometimes girls need at least one friend that they aren't romantically attached to as cheesy as it sounds. I do anyway. But again thank you so much for reading and replying. And to the badass, you did make me smile even though you pissed me off a little bit at first lol.
I couldn't read it all either, but what I have seen from life is if you treat people with respect and friendliness, most will respond in kind. I had a buddy who went around with the attitude that "everybody's an asshole but me." He didn't really say that, but it was just the aura that surrounded him, and people picked up on it. Just the way he talked and the subtle little comments he made, etc. People can tell. So just be friendly, be honest, smile, and assume someone is a good person unless they prove otherwise. Plant good seeds and you will be rewarded.
Get out and do something, join a group that your school has. I think everyone needs to vent once in a while and its good that you did. Be optimistic is all i can say. Ive learned that being negative doesnt help the situation. Hope you find some friends, there are plenty of people out there
I know I know it's so long I'm sorry no one really needs to read it I just wanted to let it out. I feel so much better now that I have though. Lol everyone on this forum just cracks me up. Thanks to everyone for real. Even sarcastic people. I hate people in general, but potheads have never seemed to bother me lol. I'm in good company on gc for the most part lol. I think I have some kind of problem making friends lol. I want friends so bad but then everyone just pisses me off so I shut down. I just need to relax I think. I'm like fucking wired right now... I am normally not stressed out because I just ignore it then it piles up and the levee just collapses. Ugh.
Hey no problem and ofcourse a girl needs a best lady friend.. Do you mind me asking, are you in college? Senior Highschool? or workforce? And about the moving out part IK it can be hard financially and emotionally but i the situation at home is volatile to the point of explosion.. It would be for the best that you move out.. even if not financially possible, u would deffinetly be able to find an affordable small apartment(depending on location) Anyways I really think you just need to relax.. take a deep breath and stop overthinking into things.. and setting these constant goals of advancing relationships and starting new ones... You really just need to kick back and relax and say 'FUCK IT'... You dont need this shit and the stress that comes with it turn on some beats, burn a j and let the mind run free.. Got nothin else to do
Yes just started college actually. Like 3ish weeks ago I think. I fucking hated high school with a burning flaming passion. Hopefully college will be better lol. I do need to chill though. For real. idk mb its because I didn't smoke today or something but I was freaking the fuck out for a little while there. Anyways thank you so much and I'll try my best to make friends and stuff.
And you pegged me lol. My brain runs 90 to nothing and all I do is think. I'm my own worst enemy lol. That's why I smoke. It's nice to not think...
Haha that's exactly why the old saying 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'.. In reality, our greatest enemy is our own mind.. It's always a constant battle up and down.. Just keep on truckin' and dont let that guard down I also know how u feel about the constant thinking.. It just never stops, even when trying to sleep, u feel like its more important to sort thru ur day, but in reality, we just need to learn how to be at peace with ourselves and others ofcourse.. Just give it time blade, as I said, the puzzle pieces will fall into place cheers!
When I was young, smoking made me very paranoid. I thought way, way too much about things. Just the opposite of you . . . ? But time went on, things changed in my life, and it doesn't make me paranoid anymore.
Sometimes you gotta approach but people arnt always that bad Plus seems like you dont know much people anyways Get to know people and not just judge them My friend before i met him seemed like a huge doucher but he actually isnt and is just someone who kids around alot You gotta put some kind of effort too
Honestly break that text up. I tried to read it but i am stoned, its all bleeding together about 1/4 of the way in.
WOW. 'Dawn toker' just replied to 'Midnight Toker's thread. Sorry that was the only thing I noticed from this....
LMAO! I got about that far into it, scanned through the rest, I had the same effect as you had -- and I'm straight.