I myself have dealt with issues like so, and in time, anything can be shed like water. Pack a bowl of the finest, and in the smoke, discover the real priorities of life. If she isnt with you, that just means she misses out.
You would think that with the name scary Mary people would relies your female. Ah well. My sympathy OP. My next bowls for you.
One cannot have joy without pain, love without hate, As is the dichotomy of life. The pain of loss will pass through time, the feeling of joy and excitement will ignite soon after! Take solace in the knowledge that you can't control the hurt, its a process that you have to endure but will make you stronger peace x