Jokes

Discussion in 'General' started by IRON-EYES, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. #1 IRON-EYES, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2014
    Okay everybody lets put some ORIGINAL jokes up i'd prefer it if they wernt really directed at anyone so let's go ahead and use the theoretical name of X
    I'll start




    What's the difference between X and Hitler?...
    ...Hitler never gained 50 pounds working the donkey show (comedic drumroll)




    X is so ugly pools of vomit step around her (The same damn drumroll)
     
  2. Dont get that hitler joke?


    What was the last entry in anne franks diary

    "Today is my birthday,father bought me a drum kit"

    Sent from my SM-T210 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
  3. What is long, black and smells like shit?
     
  4. sewage snake?
     
  5. The the humor in the joke is that it diverges directions mid joke when starting something by comparing someone to hitler sort of the general universal assumption would be that I'm going to call them evil but then like a clever motherfucker I switched directions there and called em a fat beastiality whore (I.e. my ex-wife)
     
  6. #6 IRON-EYES, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2014
    K this is not original but
    "how did Hellen Kellers parents punish her?
    Move the furniture around and leave the plunger in the toilet" *drumroll again*
     
  7. So this horse walks into a bar, the bartender says. Why the long face?
    The horse replies my son was just diagnosed with leukemia...
     
  8. What did the Nazi say to the Black Jew? To the back of the oven!
     
  9. #9 HiddenReality, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2014
    The welfare line :D


    What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
     
  10. #10 boydamien, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2014
    Dad comes home from work,and finds his 16 year old son sitting at table with a big cheesy grin on his face.

    Why you so happy he says.

    JUST had an hour and a half of sheer rough sex with with the women next door.

    Well thats good says his dad but i hope you were sensible and wore something

    Im not stupid dad,i wore a balaclava. (Ski mask)

    Sent from my SM-T210 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
  11. #11 sleepingblade, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2014
    So X and I (sleepingblade) were at a bar, and suddenly were discussing the topic of pleasing woman.
    X says 'sleepingblade, you always seem to please your women, how do you do it?'
    Easy I reply, 'before you get down and dirty with the wife, pull our your dick and slam it on the nightstand and numb it up and fuck the shit out of her'.
    'That's great! I'll try, it tonight!' Explains X.
    Later that night X goes home and enters the bedroom and proceeds to pull out his dick, slams it on the nightstand as directed, and then X's wife says 'sleepingblade, is that you?'.
     
  12. X is so poor he eats his cereal with a fork to save milk,


    Why do we call it the third eye? When really it could be the first
     
  13. X is so ugly when x was born x had tinted windows in the incubator


    Why do we call it the third eye? When really it could be the first
     
  14. What is smoreplay?
     
    It's what smurfs do before they smuck. 
     
  15. Little Jonny walks in on his mom having a shower, looks at her bush and says "what's that"? Mom replies "it's my sponge now get out", little Jonny scurries off and goes about his business, the next day mom decides to shave her bush in the shower when once again little Jonny bursts and looks at where moms sponge used to be and asked mom "where's your sponge gone"? Mom replies "oh I lost it" and little Jonny being the inquisitive child he is says "I'll help find it", mom thinks quietly to herself " he ain't gona find it" and tells him "ok and get out", mom continues to dry herself and get dressed when little Jonny comes running into the house all excited shouting "mom mom I found it" mom all confused says "where"?
    Little Jonny replies "I saw it down the road and dad was washing his face with it"




    Why do we call it the third eye? When really it could be the first
     
  16. You guys want to play that new Mike Brown drinking game?
    It's easy you just stand there and take eight shots
     
  17. #17 IRON-EYES, Dec 12, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 12, 2014
    Okay so X dies and goes to hell The devil says "what's up welcome to hell we're not so bad you're really gonna like it here!" "oh really" X replies to which the Devil says "yeah man can't wait to Monday monday's drinking day whatever kinda booze you like you can't get alcohol poisoning your dead" "kick ass" says X "you should see Tuesdays man drug day all the drugs you want any kind you want no overdoses no limits!" Says the devil "wednesdays". Asks X "fast cars!" Responds the devil "race around all you like wreck your car you're all good shit man and thursday's kick ass muffin day bro all the demons make individual kinds of muffins that have never before been tasted by the likes of human beings" "everyone loves baked goods" says X "how about Friday's man are they bad" X Goes on to ask "are you gay at all?" asks the devil "hell no anything but" replies X "well shit bro you're not gonna like Fridays!"
     
  18. boo u stink
     
  19. The Pope was holding audience at the Vatican when a Cardinal ran into the room and said,  "I have some good news and i have some bad news."   The Pope saw the panic on the cardinal's face and said,  "Tell me the good news first!"   The Cardinal replied,  "The Lord just called and said he's here for the second coming!"   The Pope's face lit up and started praising the Lord with tears streaming down his face.  He stopped when he remembered there was a downside to this wonderful news. "Wait... what's the bad news?"   The Cardinal replied, "He's calling from Salt Lake City."
     
    Bumper sticker:  Jesus is coming...... look busy.  
     
  20. #20 Carne Seca, Dec 12, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 12, 2014
    Three native women stood before the Creator after living long fruitful lives.  One was Lakota, another Hopi and the last was Navajo.  The Creator looked at them fondly and said,  "You have lived good lives and raised strong honorable children.  I have only one test for you before you enter the spirit world.  Tell me what you believe."
     
    The Lakota woman cleared her throat and started to speak about her heritage and the spiritual path of the Lakota people.  The Creator was pleased and said, "You may pass."  The Hopi woman was a little timid but she managed to explain the long history of the Hopi people and their powerful spirituality.  The Creator, once again, was pleased and with tears in his eyes said,  "You may pass."   Finally he looked at the Navajo woman and said,  "What do you believe daughter of the great Diné Nation."  The Navajo woman looked him up and down with a critical eye and said,  "I believe you're sitting in my seat!"
     
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