Two gay engineers were standing in the park one day. One had a new bike and the other said, "Nice bike. How much?" The first man said , "It was free." The other asked, "Wow, how did you get it for free?" The man with the bike said," Yesterday a beautiful girl rode up on this bike, took off all her clothes and told me I could have anything I wanted." The other engineer said, "Good move! Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway!" I got this sent to me as an email ..... Does anyone actually find this amusing?
Three Scots and three Americans are traveling by train to a football game. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket. "How are you three guys going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one American. "Watch and you'll see" answers Angus. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Scots cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says " Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Scots' trick on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy any tickets at all! "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed American. "Watch and you'll see" answers Angus. When they board the train the three Americans cram into one bathroom and the three Scots cram into another bathroom nearby. Once the train leaves the station, one of the Scots leaves their bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door, and says "Tickets, please!"
An Englishman and a Scotsman are sitting in the carraige of their train when in walks a blonde bomshell and a nun. After taking their seats everyone sits in stony silence until they pass through a tunnel and all the lights go out. SLAP.... The train comes out of the tunnel and the English man is rubbing his newly bruised jaw. He thinks to himself, that fucking scotsman must have tried to feel up that blonde and she thought it was me so she slapped me. The blonde looks at the English man and thinks to herself, "That English guy must have reached accross to cop a feel of my tits but missed in the dark, felt up the nun instead and got slapped." The nun looks at the Englishman and thinks to herself, "That young man must have been inapropriate with this young lady in the dark and she defended herself the best way she could" Then the scotsman looks at the English man and thinks to himself, " I can't wait for another tunnel, this time I'm gonna kick that English fucker right in the ass..."