Jealousy

To experience jealousy implies an attachment to how you imagine things to be, which is not necessarily how they are, and that you feel connected to what that is in such a way as to be unable to accept what is there. So being with someone where the idea of that somehow confers ownership or rights, so that when they appear to not be giving you the attention you feel you need, or that they appear to be interested in being with someone else, you feel they have no right to do that as they must conform to what it is you have decided you want.
 
Jealousy is very destructive because it creates feelings of power and control over someone else, and attempts to reveal them through certain actions which disregard that no matter what someone else's label is in your world, they are and always shall be, free to make other choices at any time that don't have to include you. The more you define someone as who you see them as, the more affected you will be were they to no longer want you to do so.

 

The literal term or the coloquial term?

The literal term is essentially "tje fear of loss"
Jeleousy in a relationship is a sign of love. But be carful not to turn it into suspicion. And hate.

Dont be paranoid. Jeleousy is ok as long as you control yourself.

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I think envy and jealousy often helps a person strive to be all that they can.
 
I also think that jealousy is a consuming negative emotion that does more harm than good.

 

 
I disagree with your first line, but agree with the second. The second line seems to contradict the first.

 

 
Well it does some good, but it does more harm than good. So. . .?

 

 
How does envy and jealousy help a person strive to be all they can?

 

Jealousy - 
Jealousy... is a mental cancer.
B. C. Forbes 
I'm dating and seriously considering about committing myself to one, but then i think maybe she'll break my heart and the fact that she would do that ignites a chain of thoughts in my brain, which trouble me more and I try to find a solution, which I never get.
"She might be out with another guy, she still misses her ex", the thoughts, they're stupid and dumb which is why i think love is dumb, but then I've always grown close to things that would do me harm.
 

 

 
You see what a person has, you want that, you go for it.
 
Or you let the emotions consume you and you end up a bitter person.

 

 
I don't feel that being jealous of something someone has, then as a result of wanting what they have and attempting to get it is a good thing? Perhaps you mean something like: I see you have the latest iPhone, I really want one, then I do what I need to do to get one for myself? I don't know if that counts though - it's not jealousy exactly, more a desire to have something that cannot be fulfilled yet. Wanting what someone has, stealing it from them, now that would be the results of a negative jealous feeling.

 

For me, Jealousy implies some sort of insecurity. If I did not trust the girl, or felt jealous, then I call off the relationship. I have to feel secure in a relationship, or it's no go. If I caught my ex with her ex, (back when we were married), I would know that nothing is going on because I trusted her and I was secure in our marriage.
 
Today, jealousy is a waste of energy for me. I have not felt jealous for years.

 

Jeleousy is a natural emotion. Like anger or fear.

It is the fear of losing a loved one. Experienceing jelousy proves your love.

Like anger it needs to be controlled, not shunned

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It may be the fear of losing someone you think you love but actually really feel you possess. It reveals an attachment and fear of losing something you believe you can't do without. That is not a sign of love.

 

I dont know about that.

Like i said, its about controling your emotions not shunning them.

If you feel jelousy when you girl talks to her male friend from childhood, thats natural.

It doesnt mean you dont love her or are being possesive.

Jeleousy =\= lack of trust. It becomes a trust issue if you allow jeleousy to become suspiscion.

Your argument is akin yo saying if you get mad at someone you must hate them. Thats a silly notion.

You cant stop jeleousy and more then you can stop anger or sadness.

Its a nornal healthy emotion. You just need to rationalize and behave appropriatly

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In the moment you get mad at them are you feeling love? No, you hate them. Otherwise you could not get truly mad at them. You cannot be mad at someone you are also feeling love for. If love was there anger could not also be. Jealousy reveals something that is not love - is more akin to possession. To truly love someone is to see them free to be whatever makes them happy at that moment. If that is you that is beautiful, but that might not be you and if that causes you to feel something like they should choose you all the time, or now, or when you want them to do the thing you had in mind that they'd rather do something else and it bothers you, that is jealousy, and that is not accepting things as they are. That is feeling like you want things to be different. Resistance to the now creates feelings of separation that then 'need' something to make better, whole. We look for this 'something' all the time and as soon as we find it everything changes, and as soon as we realise it is not it, everything changes again. We are looking for the one thing, and that cannot be found in someone else, as they are looking for it too and it cannot be found in you. It IS in you as it is in everyone, but it cannot be seen to be there as that stops it being seen everywhere else, and everywhere else is where it needs to be. Once it's seen in everyone else, then any one individual can not be seen as having anything we want at anytime, only grateful to receive what is there.

 

Your confused friend. You cannot simply chose to be emotionless. You cant only act appropriately in response to those emotions.

Those emotions are what make you human. How you chose to deal with them is what makes you greater.

Thats ass backwards. Ots impossible to find someone you wont get mad at for something or.other.

Even if you dated yourself
<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote' >
Jealousy reveals something that is not love - is more akin to possession. To truly love someone is to see them free to be whatever makes them happy at that moment.
</blockquote>How does feeling jeleous jave any affect on their freedom? Unless your a dick and get susp and invade their privacy.
<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote' > If that is you that is beautiful, but that might not be you and if that causes you to feel something like they should choose you all the time, or now, or when you want them to do the thing you had in mind that they'd rather do something else and it bothers you, that is jealousy, and that is not accepting things as they are.
</blockquote>Your confused. The emotion of jeleousy and the actions you take as a result are two different things
<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote' > That is feeling like you want things to be different.
</blockquote>Which is human nature. You cant appreciate acceptance if life is how you want it already
<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote' >Resistance to the now creates feelings of separation that then 'need' something to make better, whole.
</blockquote>Whos resisting?
<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote' > We look for this 'something' all the time and as soon as we find it everything changes, and as soon as we realise it is not it, everything changes again. We are looking for the one thing, and that cannot be found in someone else, as they are looking for it too and it cannot be found in you. It IS in you as it is in everyone, but it cannot be seen to be there as that stops it being seen everywhere else, and everywhere else is where it needs to be. Once it's seen in everyone else, then any one individual can not be seen as having anything we want at anytime, only grateful to receive what is there.
</blockquote>Ok now IM confused. How is this relevent?
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Jealousy really comes down to feeling animosity toward someone because of something in their life you perceive as positive.

Jealousy in a relationship the way some are talking about it, either relates to poorly established ego boundaries or legitimate anger over betrayal.

 

Humans are fundamentally greedy, envious, and fickle creatures morality was a concept created to keep these natural instincts in check so we wouldn't eat each other. It's nice to say that isn't how it is, but it is how it is you feel me? Just read a history book...their are some exceptions, but the people who run shit, are the greediest, meanest, and most cunning individuals they are the ones who run shit.

 

[quote name="esseff" post="18389062" timestamp="1374499544"]In the moment you get mad at them are you feeling love? No, you hate them. Otherwise you could not get truly mad at them. You cannot be mad at someone you are also feeling love for. If love was there anger could not also be. Jealousy reveals something that is not love - is more akin to possession. To truly love someone is to see them free to be whatever makes them happy at that moment.[/quote]I may be reading this differently, but it seems like a lot of people perceive jealousy as an absolute emotion, like happy and sad. I see jealousy, as well as anger as an extension of sad. Therefore, to me, it seems inevitable that one would experience passing moments of anger, sadness, and jealousy all while still loving someone. I believe these emotions develop out of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Thus, they are never permanent and are a healthy part of getting to know someone. To me, love is the mutual affection and deep understanding you gain for someone because you find yourself loving that person even more, despite the difficulties, because you slowly gain confidence in your ability to overcome the struggles. Feeling envious is an entirely different emotion to me. Whenever someone uses the word "jealous" or "jealousy," I notice its often used to describe a permanent state of being. Like "she is such a jealous person" or "his jealousy is overwhelming." Whenever I hear the word "envious," it seems to imply a more temporary state of though or emotion. Like "I'm so envious of his car" or "that girl envies me." Based off of the above distinction, I believe "jealousy" (as opposed to envy) is an extension of sad (i.e. hurt). Jealousy comes from anger. Anger comes from hurt. Hurt comes from some form of love (i.e. affection, attraction, interest, etc.). Thus, one who loves will feel all the above. Now, the way jealousy is expressed is where the real trouble begins. Self-awareness & self-control are two vital aspects that can make jealousy a good thing or a bad thing.I never say I'm jealous of anything. I just say the truth. Instead of, "I'm jealous of her!" Its better to say, "I'm sad you spend so much time with her. It makes me feel less special." I think saying the real emotion behind your jealousy allows for the other party to understand your jealousy, so its easier to address, eliminating the need for people to get defensive and fight.Sent from my DROID RAZR using Grasscity Forum mobile app

 

 
This is a good way of seeing things, and makes a lot more sense than some of the ways others react to feeling things.
 
My point about feeling and expressing feelings like Jealousy, is that in the moment, you cannot experience two feelings. There is only one NOW, one moment, so if in any given moment you feel anger or jealousy or resentment, or whatever, then in that moment, that is all you feel. The feeling of love that may have been there previously no longer exists, otherwise you could not feel these more destructive feelings. Once the moment is passed, you may very well return to feeling love again later, because it underlies things and will be something you feel and are open to far more than any of those others. But for me, the fact that love can effectively disappear in order to let out and experience feelings of anger, hate, etc, may have dramatic effects on being able to feel love over time.
 
We do not have to give way to these lower feelings, but learn to recognise them within ourselves when they appear. Your example allows for the revealing and understanding of negative emotion in a way that is not negative. I love that.