Jealousy or reasonable?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Prevalent, Jan 9, 2013.

  1. #1 Prevalent, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
    Been with my gf for nearly 6 months all has been pretty good.

    She's on holiday with her family in their beach house for 3 weeks from New Year till late January. (I went down for 10 days to stay) Ive kinda been reading her messages on fb now and then because when we first got together her friends were being shitty friends and cut her off and talking shit behind her back, but she still has a few close friends.

    Anyway, she is going away to a country town this year to do a qualification to work with horses, which is only offered at the campus 2 hrs away out of town. So she will be living there and coming back every 2 weeks or month as she doesn't have a drivers licence.

    Now I see that she has been talking to 2 guys, one she went to school with last year which she has done stuff with before we were together. The second guy is a few years older and they were going out for a few months I think.

    In both messages she has tried to arrange to meet up with them separately as they don't know each other to go out drinking before she leaves to go away to the country town. It kind of bothers me that she only asked these two guys to go out and catch up with and nobody else, none of her girlfriends. She also said it was boring there with her family, no mention of me staying there for nearly half the time.

    She talked to me after talking to them (I looked at the chat times) and she was unusually bubbly and happy after talking to them which also pisses me off as she was in a shitty mood with me the night before. And she was all like "I love you sooo much missing youu heaps I need you and your dick noww, wish you were here"


    I also don't know where the relationship is going to go after it becomes a long distance relationship, because I don't know if i can trust her?

    BTW I found out she slept with my best friend before we were going out and another 2 of my mates. I think she's slept with 10+ guys.




    TLDR - Talked to guys to meet up and drink before going away but doesn't ask any of her other friends to catch up.

    DISCUSS :)
     
  2. Honestly, I am quite disturbed by this thread.

    I'm disturbed in ways I can't quite explain.
     
  3. Reasonable
     
  4. Damn 3 of em?
     

  5. Please explain.
     

  6. 2 definite 1 posible.
     
  7. How do you not know?
     
  8. Sounds like you guys need to have a serious conversation about what her intentions are and whether you two will be able to work this out and trust each other.
     
  9. She said they didn't go the whole way but I dunno about that.

    She is 19 lost her v's at 16 and slept with 10+ guys. Her next door neighbour was her fuck buddy.

    This makes me angry writing this down seeing the facts infront of me.
     
  10. #10 Zera, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
    Thread should not start with this sentence. It makes you look absolutely crazy.
    Getting jealous or insecure about talking to other guys on facebook is absurd.

    But then I read the rest and saw that she arranged to meet with three people who she has probably already slept with in the past.
    That's a bit iffy.

    I'm not sure. She may be planning to cheat on you. I wouldn't be convinced of it already, especially since there was nothing flirty in what she sent, but it is odd.
    very fishy.

    Either way, why were you reading her facebook messages? That seems like jealous behavior from you. Are you insecure, or has she given you some reason before to be suspicious of you? Either way, it sounds like you were spying, and that's not good.

    Something's wrong here, and it seems like you don't trust her. I don't know whether she's trustworthy or not, cause I don't know her, but you should be able to trust your girl. If you can't, it's not going to last, no matter whose fault the lack of trust is.
     

  11. I'm alarmed that you need to make this thread.

    That you needed to ask other people how you should feel.

    I'm disturbed that you need to have other people's approval in order to feel jealous.

    I don't know man.

    Is it jealousy?

    Or it it reasonable?

    I'm not sure which one it is, but man... neither looks very good...
     
  12. Dude, I know a bitch like this
    Leave that shit alone. Don't even touch it man. Too much bad energy for anyone
     

  13. I don't want her to know that Ive been looking at her messages. Id rather catch her out lying about it.
     


  14. Then this will continue to be an unhealthy relationship.

    She's hitting up guys on Facebook. You already don't trust her to the point where you're invading her privacy. Whether that's justified by what you found out or not, you're both in the wrong and continuing these games is not going to lead to any sort of healthy relationship.
     

  15. I dunno shes my first gf I don't trust people that much, she says she likes boys and sex and has slept around a bit I just don't want to be cheated on. I thought I trusted her but this has made me doubt myself that she wants to meet up with 2 guys she hasnt seen in over 6 months before she goes away when she doesnt even talk to them over those 6 months?

    She seems like the type of girl who would try to get back you at by sleeping around and then be all sorry after she has comedown and realised what she has done.
     
  16. #16 Prevalent, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
    1. Im not asking anyone how i should feel, it was more about my/her actions.

    2. Im not asking for approval, i need advice about my relationship. I will take it then think about it. Then make an informed decision based on mine and other peoples life experience/input.

    + i know the title isnt the best, i tried to change it but i couldnt after id made the thread.
     
  17. #17 dactrain, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
    Damn. Okay, here's my two cents my brutha. I was in a similar situation senior year of high school.

    First, you quite clearly have very, very little trust in her. This is a huge red flag. Trust issues will eat you alive, bro. My ex in my situation lied to me and got caught in them multiple times. I lost all trust for her, and when we went away to separate colleges (~4 hrs drive apart), all I thought about was if she was lying about what she was doing, if she was going out for drinks, if she was cheating, etc. And it'll turn you into a crazy ass long distance control freak bf. Trust me on that.

    Next, the secretive Fb stalking of her messages. The fact alone you feel the need to do this is enough to tell me you shouldn't be with her. If her past, again get it, past, bothers you that much to where you feel the need to spy on her, you shouldn't be with her. She can't change her past, and expects you to accept her for it. If you can't and all you can see in her is her past skeez, it's not fair to be with her. Find yourself a virgin, and you won't have this problem. No offense or anything, but everyone has a past, and if you can't deal with their past I wouldn't recommend getting further involved.

    To end my ex story, turns out she cheated on me twice and later told me about a lot of other lies she had told me. It sucked ass but I moved on. Her messages lead me to believe this will be a similar end to your situation, if I'm being totally blunt. Sorry if that's tough to hear I'm not tryin to be mean.

    Tldr, you should leave her because there's no trust, and she will most likely cheat on your either way unfortunately...sorry man.
     


  18. The rest of your post was great too, but I just wanted to highlight these specific sentences because that really is the gist of it.

    And the fact that OP doesn't want to have an honest conversation, but wants to "catch her in a lie" without her finding out that he was snooping through her private shit... just another red flag.

    Whether she was in the wrong or not, this relationship is clearly unhealthy, lacking trust, and not going anywhere good.
     

  19. I know that everyone has a past but some are worse than others i guess. A lot were one night stands or just casual roots. I went into the relationship without thinking about it too much or knowing what to expect but as the relationship gets longer if she loses interest (she has pretty bad stickability in other aspects of her life too) then i guess i have to move on. But its hard cos she is so hot/cold in her moods, its confusing because i don't know what she wants.


    true.
     
  20. A past is a past, kinda tough for someone to judge or rate a persons past on how "bad" it is. My past is probably worse than hers. She's a young girl, probably made a lot of mistakes, and is learning about her sexuality. I know quite a few girls who were like that in my HS. If it bothers you you should end it now before the relationship goes any longer, easier on you and her in the long run.

    It seems as though you're kinda scared though, living with the thought that she may just up and leave you at any time. I used to deal with these thoughts too. Not to put you on blast, but do you have some insecurity or inadequacy issues? Do you feel like she is hotter or more popular than you? When I felt that way with a couple exes I would always think, man, why is she with me, she is so much cooler and more popular. Don't think like that! If she wants to leave you, she will, and there's no amount of snooping or controlling you can do to stop her. I know it's scary to put your heart out there when its a risky situation, but as long as you guard it and stay so reserved, you'll always have doubts and trust issues. Over analyzing is killer.

    Damn I needa stop writing essays lol my bad. I think I see a young me in your or somethin :smoke:
     

Share This Page