I'm waiting on the edge of my seat for Skyward Sword to completely obliterate my social life, but I remain having never conquered the greatest adventure in Hyrule's history. Before you start chucking full wine bottles at your computer screen, let me explain: Five years ago, I sat outside in the blistering cold. I was in a tent outside Best Buy with my friend waiting to get my hands on a Wii and a copy of Madden 07. I had a gaming magazine with me and was flipping through it, seeing all the hype and stuff, then I came across this game called Twilight Princess. I had never played a Zelda game before, but the more I read the article, the more I thought, "Screw you, John Madden. I feel like crackin some Deku nuts." This was a huge step for me, since I had forever been trapped in the sports 'n' shooters vortex. When I finished the game, I felt like I had just gone through a three-month long mental climax. I was stunned, and I had to have more. The next game in my grasp was Wind Waker. I immediately took it up and voyaged through the great sea, eventually liking the game more than Twilight Princess. Then I bought Link to the Past on virtual console, and the same thing happened. Finally my friend was like, "Quit dickin' around, dude. Get your hands around that ocarina before Shigeru Miyamoto bitchslaps you back to the lost woods." So I went on ebay and bought the collectors disk for gamecube, which has Zelda 1, 2, Ocarina and Majora all on it. Me being my stupid idiot moron idiot self, went straight for Majora's Mask. Big surprise, I loved it. So what the hell was I thinking? Frickin Ocarina, MAN! You're probably screaming the same thing at your little brother right now and he's asking you what you're doing and you're like, "Sorry dude, this idiot online is pissing me off. Go back to your pokemon." Well, I did start playing it eventually, but after a few dungeons, I started getting bored and thought the game kind of sucked. No, I'm just kidding. But I still haven't finished it yet, and I'm debating whether to finally bury the hatchet, or wait til after I'm done with Skyward, which comes out in less than 24 hours. I won't bother asking your advice, cause I know what the answer will be. Looking back on what I just wrote, I think I'll finally listen to all who have urged me forth. I'm booting up the gamecube right now. Screw you and your obnoxiously low polygon count, Ganon. There's a new kid in town, and his name is Link.