So I want you guys to look at a couple of these and tell me what you think. I just started writing these recently. My aim is to be a little funny and weird about it. What's wrong with my mind I need psychology What's inside of my body that's called biology Unearth a dinosaur that's not archeology Learn how to grow marijuana need phytology? Special brownies are yummy When my brain melts it gets real runny I am one foot five and point five inches My stature doesn't stop me from getting bitches I'm an underrated artist I am Pisano Second Ace Ventura for the free guano Paint that shit quick its buon fresco The geico lizard is really juan gecko You are small like a shrimp I am fat like a blimp Not fat in the other way Like fat in a blubber way
There not horrible. Not bad. Just remember creative writers use multiple rhyme schemes and for rap metaphors are big. Ex: My teams major We party like teen-agers Im in a green range *****, im the green ranger -j. Cole A,a,b,a with the transition of b to a being metaphoric I take a more radical approach Im masked up, v for vendetta shit Guy fawke mask like anonymous I riot in confidence my freedoms revoked by critical documents How do they assume control of the populous We share a united stream of consciousness Here's my hypothesis: Government control started 50 years ago As technology unfolds it carves out a mold Big brother was created so your never alone Random lines I've done to show metaphors Real men gonna eat but you ain't never eaten(your a woman, or boy) Pound on your head like an egg getting beaten(explanatory) Put your face on the ground, 3.90 for the greeting(welcome mat)
Needs some work... seems like you're trying too hard to rhyme, which turns into a lot of lines that have no relation at all and come off as forced. Particularly this part: Which kinda reminds me of that LFO - "Summer Girls" song from the 90's. I mean no offense by that at all, just constructive criticism.
Ready freestyle: Bitches being bitches while they're bitching in my Chevy, All those problems you got are looking pretty heavy. No need to act a front, Let's chill and smoke a blunt. You next to me it's very clear, You ain't nothing but a bitch ass queer. - said by a white boy who doesn't listen to much rap
Never heard "Summer Girls" before. But I did post them exactly for that constructive criticism. Sometimes they might have nothing to do with eachother because I just kept typing lines I would think up in a word document.
"Summer Girls" is... it's a bad song. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHuGG_FsC20]LFO Summer Girls - YouTube[/ame] I think you've just got to try to not force the rhymes so much. Don't stick two completely unrelated lines together just because they rhyme. Some people can kinda pull that off, but it usually requires much more complex rhymes.