Ive been having the worst couple of days

So here we go. Yesterday I got in a huge argument with my mom because shes always trying to put her hands on me. Im 19 years old and its like she has control issues or something because she doesnt give me any trust or respect. I love my mom to death and idk why she acts the way she does. Basically I said some pretty bad shit to her and she did to me too. She got up in my face and put her hands on me, seemingly trying to get me to hit her so she can lock me up. Shes done this before too that why I say that and I feel like I cant take this shit anymore.

Ive come a long way from where I started. Ive walked away from a gang pretty much, gave up a lot of criminal hustling shit I used to do, I go to school and handle my buisness with respect for everyone around me but it seems like nothing is ever good enough. I try to make money legally but thats hard with out a job. Ive seriously applied to 23 places (I keep a list) i the past few weeks and Ive only got one interview and it flopped. I used to go out a few times a week walking into places with a resume but they told me to go online. Now that Im doing em online my family bitches at me for not going out and looking. Its like damn man...

So back to yesterday when my mom was up in my face fucking with me I just said your messed up in the head and punched a mirror (not to smart I know). She ended up calling the cops on me and I just gtfo.

I went to my supposed homies house to get a sack. Im talking to his wife and she just lets me know my old best friend just got 5 years for idk what. Im thinkin damn this life cant get any crazier and then my homie comes out. Keep in mind I was having a horrible day and this fool is accusing me of pinching the sack he gave me to check out. I said dont even talk to me like that man Im not in the mood. This fool flips and starts yelling put ur hands on me put ur hands on me. Like I said before I walked away from that kind of life a while back so I try to do everything I can to keep the peace. He gets in my face and says I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. Right then I knew he went to far and my anger got the best of me. I clocked that fool and ended up with me on top of him and my blade to his neck. Thank God I stopped myself so I just gave em another kick and got some free weed out of it.

I proceeded to jog off the block to the liquor store since I didnt have to spend any money at the dealers house. I asked a familiar hobo that Ive talked to before to buy me a Mad Dog. I thought I should try to up my karma so I let him keep the change. I ended up walking to the park and having a couple of tokes and a drink while I contemplated my next move. I stayed up all night and went home in the morning.

I got home, I apologize and she says she forgives me and Im just ready to crash out at this point. I usually dont express how I feel when it comes to shit like this I just let her say what she has to just so we can be done with it. She said she has some stuff to say so I sit down and eventually she starts cussing at me again. I say you dont like it when I cuss at you so why are you talking to me like that? Shes like because Im the parent and your the kid. Great logic. Next she starts accusing me of stealing her vicoden. I suspect it was my punk ass step dad or my sister but what can you do man right? I just left it alone and walked away once again.

She just told me her and my sis are moving into a one bedroom apt so I take that as my que to gtfo. I start college again in August and my student loans will kick in, hopefully Ill have a job by then too, so I plan on gettin out of here. Basically I just feel misunderstood, torn between whats right and wrong, and helpless at times. I get pretty down thinking about this kinda shit but Im not gonna give up. Im just gonna keep goin down this road and trying to do whats right and we'll see if it pays off.

So what do you think about this blades? Let me know if Im right or wrong in your opinion. This thread is kind of just a rant I guess and I dont really know what I expect to get from this but here ya go...

 

Yeah fasho mayne Im about to go across town and get a fat sack from my buddy. Im sure Ill be feelin pretty good after hitting the bong a few times.

Yeah it sucks man I hope it all works out for ya playa