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It's Been Awhile

Discussion in 'Apprentice Marijuana Consumption' started by Typhoid, Mar 19, 2012.

  1. I'm gunna cut the short talk, and just get straight to what I want to say.

    I was caught about a month ago, my mother found my MFLB. My dad knew I would use cannabis, but my mom didn't. It was a really wierd situation, to say the least. Anyways, I had been caught a few times before, and my mom is always extremely irrational about this. However, certain circumstances had managed to elevate the situation. I have a feeling my dad just showed my mom my stuff one day, as if he had just found it, which is a bullshit lie because he knew where I kept my stuff. Me and my dad have smoked before, and If my mom knew that, they would get a divorce. My mom claimed she was just looking for something in the garage, which is also a bullshit like. She doesn't own anything out there, nor does need stuff out there.Though I was extremely enraged that my dad would just hand my stash over like that, I knew that I couldn't say a single word about it. I was especially pissed when he would stoke the fire by telling me I should've never done that or that it was a stupid thing to do.

    Anyway, as standard procedures go, all my electronics are taken away by my mother, including my phone. A few days later, after mostly successfully keeping my cool, I asked to have my phone back. My mom was about to give it back, when she checked my messages. This acquaintance whom I met through school texted me: "How much for three norcs?". That was it, my mom completely freaked out and suddenly our relationship was devoid of all trust. I can't blame her, it was an extremely ignorant thing to do, especially when I had said I would never touch that shit. It was quite ironic that I had already stopped dealing that substance, but of course, it came back to bite me in the ass. But your life changes, and you meet new people. Some people have a positive effect on you, and others negative.

    However, I cannot blame anyone but myself for my mistakes. And though I've made plenty, I do not regret anything. I firmly believe that holding on to the past is just plain ignorance. You can not manipulate the past. Learn from your mistakes, and never make them again.

    Fast forward 29 days later, and I'm under a lot of stress. The 29 days that have passed have been horrible, I have't had my computer, phone, or even video games. Because of the horrible anxiety that I suffer from, reading peacefully becomes a mosh pit of random thoughts and fears (anxiety is why I use cannabis). On top of that,I have nothing going for me, except for a job that I just narrowly secured. My love life is bleak, if not nonexistent; I'm losing interest in my boring classes; My emotions are extremely dynamic; I feel as though I don't).

    One morning (a week earlier), I have to ask my mom to drive me to my place of education because my car broke down. She has since calmed down after the whole incident. She is proud of me for getting a job, and she has regained trust. I tell her about my horrible anxiety, and that is the reason for my usage of cannabis. I ask her if I can indulge in cannabis if I stay on the correct path.

    (Sidenote: I am not a delinquent of any sort. Up until High School, I was a straight A student, besides the two B's I acquired in 5th and 8th grades. I never had any detentions, arrests, or any run-ins with authority. The part that strikes me quite odd is that my mom never knew I used cannabis, even when I was quite medicated while right next to her.)

    She combats my inquiry with a stern statement. Somehow, a no must've required more effort for her. I ask why, and she said I would have a better chance if I had a job. I ask "What about after I get a job?". She says that it is still illegal, so I'm not allowed to do it. Of course, being the just person I am, I have no choice but to follow her rules. I am no rebel, I do not wish to start conflicts, I just wish I had some dignity. I don't do anything but follow rules all day long. I'm such a nice person, I am never obnoxious or annoying, I always respect people, whether they hate me or not, and I am always courteous. I suppose the notion of myself being somewhat able to lead my own life is just too hard to grasp for my mother.

    Anyways, it feels good to let this out. Who can I tell this too? No one besides people who really understand what it's like to be categorized a certain way just because you are slightly different from the general population of the world.

    I hope you do not perceive me as a whiny person, because I am not. Usually, I keep all this bottled up, which is not a very intelligent thing to do, but that is what I do.

    Just yesterday, I was disagreeing with my mother, before leaving for my final interview for my job. I told her that if I got the job, I would smoke right after. Honestly, I had no intention to smoke at all, it had just slipped out of my my. It turns out I was hired on the spot, and actually began orientation for that job right away. After that, I came home and then had to leave to work with some peers for a term project in one of my classes. We were creating a political commercial, and a good friend of mine was actually in the group. He suggested we go hang out and smoke with some friends after we finished for the day. I hadn't been able to do anything for nearly a month, so I decided to. I had a session, and got pretty blasted on the first real bong I'd ever smoked. It was me and three of my friends, and I drove us all to McDonald's, where we each got a double cheeseburger and a sweet tea. All this built up pressure has left me permanently, anxiety has since vacated my mind, and I still feel great. Though I am still under a lot of stress because of my now tight schedule, I feel great, my outlook of life has increased positively, and my drive for success has been replenished.

    Thank you for your time.

  2. Cool story...

    Im joking man, I read it..

  3. Awesome post my man! I'm in the same boat except that both of my parents disagree with my decision. I have been an amazing student throughout high school and will be attending the university of Florida very soon. It is so debilitating and rough to not have the luxury to do as you please, especially when your intellectual aspects remain pristine, if not improved (in your case)

    I've found that some people just will never understand and will remain in the looming shadow of ignorant stubbornness, regardless of scientific basis or proof of successful stories.

    Your thread sparked my interest and I deeply admire your charisma and character and hope that soon you can indulge in your medication and love a happy, prosperous, anxiety free life.

    Stay high my friends.

  4. Thank you for your support boobtree (quite a creative username, may I add). It is rough not being able to make your own decisions, even though you have already shown the ability to make great decisions in life. Most people will never understand what it's like, especially after the government has tainted cannabis' reputation so thoroughly. Hopefully our children's children's children will not be affected by the ignorance that we must contour to, assuming humanity will not have suffocated itself by that time.

    Haha, I do not mean to sound so pessimistic about the future of humans, but we cannot hide the tensions that have arisen between the nations of the world. Hopefully someday all civilizations will get over our differences and notice that we are all working towards the same goal.

    I just hope everyone remembers to just keep living, because no matter what happens, there will always be a tomorrow. (Until we have a global nuclear war ;) )
  5. its the right thing to do..2pac he was just himself, he didnt really care about what nobody else say about him, he was being himself, he was a kind person but nobody could change his mind about the lyrics he wanted to write or the image he wanted to portray.

    He was just a person he wanted to be...
  6. Dude its great that you have let this off your mind for other people to know. I want to say everything will be fine but I know it isn't. I smoke a bowl for you when my mflb arrives.:bongin:
  7. Wow. I read this while extremely high and it made me trip the fuck out.

  8. Damn 420 is intense.

  9. That sir, is an understatement.

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