Is this the end? Have I finally lost all touch with reality? No drugs tonight, no nothing. I'm understanding that everytime I take a step forward, I take two back. I don't think I'll ever win this war with myself. Every internal conflict I try to resolve festers, and eats me alive. Each time Something happens inside of me, it overwhelms me. I feel lost and depressed again. Is all of this worth the trouble? Or is everything I do in vain? I'm doubting my entire life right now, and feel I've jumped into the abyss, with nowhere to go. I feel as if I have two options: Deal with all my problems, and figure shit out. Or: Skip out, and just end all of this pain and bullshit. I'm lost, I'm at the point I can't even tell which is the right option. I seriously need help. I need someone I can trust. On the outside I'm alive, friendly, and a good person. But on the inside, I'm cold and dead and numb. I truly do not enjoy life anymore. I truly do not like myself. I'm gonna step outside for a newport, and hope my homie wants to chill when he gets off work in an hour.
Bingo. My reply may not mean much to one in your situation, however I have been super low before myself. Instead of looking into GC and not getting it out, or doing something bad, you need to think of something good. Something as simple as taking a walk can do a lot. If not this, what are the things you enjoy in life? Surely there is something, we all have our favorites. Whatever it is, go to it! As simple as making yourself your favorite meal, watching your favorite show, doing your favorite hobby or reading your favorite book. Its time to rely on what makes you happy no matter what that is. Youve been giving the opportunity to do much more, why turn it down? Maybe if you talked about your situation in detail with us? Talking always helps.
I'm often depressed and can understand where you're coming from. I figure though, why succumb to the pain when I have the oppurtunity to create happiness? If I'm running on empty anyways, I might as well abuse the chance I have, go wild, and see the world. There's no simple answer I can give you, but I wish you happiness, and luck.
Hey guys, I survived the night... I ended up going out with my 3 best homies. We ended up with 3 grams, 2 were dank, 1 was mids. 3 blunts for 5 people was quite fun. My homie Eric and I have shotty and nader wars everytime we smoke... Tryin to see who can blow or fill a nader the other cannot clear... We've been in this battle for a little over a year. And once again, last night ended in a stalemate. We both got the other 3 smokers, though. Everyone coughed. Even my homie eric coughed when he hit one of the blunts. Got some money in my account ( Thank You kindle Mr. Bush, but I'd like to not have PTSD and a fucked up knee rather than $300). I'm either getting an 8ball, or taking 5 hits of acid. I may compromise, and get 5 hits for 50, and get a gram of blow. My bill will only be $100, and some friends will throw down for bud and blow... I work at 5 tonight, and I'm excited. It should be busy, and that means I can make some money. Depends on the section they put me in. Today is a better day. Let's hope it stays that way.