..Between actually cheating, and planning on cheating but failing? I've debated this with a couple people, but there still doesn't seem to be a clear answer. Just for reference, I, nor anyone I know, is having a personal dillemma over something they did. It's just a hypothetical. Personally, I take the side that wanting to cheat and not being able to is just as bad as actually doing it. Now of course this doesn't apply to other subjects. If you intend to do cheat, and fail, it's just as bad. The only things stopping you if you intend to shit is 1) Getting caught 2) Not being able to find someone to "cheat with," if you will. So is wanting to as bad as actually cheating?
Wanting to cheat is pretty bad, but I wouldn't say it's as bad as actually cheating. Either way, they're both worth breaking up with the person.
You have me debating myself on this one lol. On one hand, considering cheating on someone isn't as bad as actually cheating because technically the person never did anything... and there's always the possibility that they THINK they want to, but if presented with the opportunity, maybe they wouldn't, because of guilt or whatever. This is a way optimistic view but it really depends on the person and situation. On the other hand, I think that planning to cheat is worse than cheating in the sense that it's clearly premeditated, intentional, deliberate, etc etc etc, rather than a bad judgement call. I don't know what I'd do if my boyfriend ever cheated on me, but I'd be much more upset if (for example) I found out he'd been talking to someone and was planning on meeting up with them for a hookup than if he cheated on me with some random chick at a party, because that means he's had a wandering eye for a while and was really serious (but you could bet your ass that I'd be pissed either way and it wouldn't be pretty ).
Wanting to fuck other ladies does not make you a cheater. Everyone wants to have sex a lot. Now if you ever acted on that then it would be cheating. Its similar to people wanting to kill someone and actually doing it.
There's a difference between wanting to have sex with someone else outside of your relationship, and setting out with intentions to do so. Thats what I'm talking about. Of course attraction doesn't go away when you enter a relationship.
This reminds me of that one Tom Cruise movie..where he's a time traveler and puts people in prison before they can commit murders and such. Good movie. Anyways. The whole debate lies in thought vs. action. I bet all of us have thought or considered certain things, but have never done them before. We aren't saints or apostles, nor should we expect ourselves to express and uphold that same morality. Since we aren't entirely moral creatures, trust and forgiveness are essential. Otherwise we should be looking at everyone on the street and saying "Hey, he's a cheater since he thought of it once." Actions do speak louder than words, and thoughts in this case. Personally, I don't think there's any harm in thinking. It's acting upon those thoughts that's wrong.
But with the term "failing," it comes along with the term "trying". Your intentions were to cheat, but for whatever reason, it didn't work. You couldn't seal the deal, or whatever the case. You TRIED to cheat, but it didn't work. Thats what I'm talking about. Isn't that just as bad? The only thing that stopped one from cheating in that case was something beyond their control, because they had every intention of going through with the action. Right or wrong?
I definitely think that's wrong. Here's why. As a whole the person can be labeled a cheater because the intent and physical attempt was there. In the case that the person didn't have any moral qualms about the situation, that solidifies the immorality of it because given the chance, the person would do it. If, by some small chance every successive attempt in the person's life to cheat were denied, the person's morality is still questionable due to the nature of intent and desire. If the person does decide to change and give up the attempts at cheating and reform his moral code, then I would say he/she is no longer in the wrong. Forgive the past, and such.
So then, by your last post, you see trying to cheat and failing as just as bad as cheating and suceeding. So it's the intent that makes the cheater, and the action is just icing on the cake?
Exactly. But it's really all subjective. I know people that value action over intent, and vice versa.
And how would you define failing at cheating. What if they set limitations for themselves so they failed, but really they could have cheated if they just tried harder? Maybe they realized that it was wrong so subconscious they made themselves stop. Is it still cheating? Maybe I did a bad job of typing my thoughts out, its confusing even to me.
I'd define failing at cheating as going into a situation with the sole purpose of cheating. You set out to do it. Yet you couldn't. Not mentally couldn't, not backed down. There was something outside of you that stopped the cheating from actually happening (say, the girl/guy you planned on cheating with denied you).
I had that in my post originally, but edited it out because I thought it was dramatic, guess not though
Yes and no. It makes sense on the surface to show Intent Vs. Action, but intent in this case wouldn't just be "thinking about killing someone". It would be acting on killing them, but they live. You stab them, and they don't die. Following your logic, it's not as bad since they didn't die. But if the intent was the kill them, it's just as bad, is it not? Same as in the original cheating theoretical.
Yes. Cheating is an emotional problem, sealing the physical deal just makes it all the more difficult to deal with. It means that either way it worked out for the cheater, he is dissatisfied with the relationship and too much of a bitch ass shit eating pussy to man up and end it because he has no other real options...for the reason mentioned in bold, ironically
I see. It's just a question I've been debating on, since both sides have valid arguments. I personally agree that it's intent and not the physical action (although that doesn't help, either). Thankfully I've never been put in that situation, but it does raise some interesting debates.
Is murdering somebody any different than trying to murder somebody and faling? (other than what you would be charged with in court) It is your intentions, not the outcome of you intentions.