I will preface this by acknowledging the fact that my mom is far from the worst mom. Im sure some of you have had much worse. I moved out as soon as I had the money, and haven't looked back since. I visit from time to time, but id honestly rather go to the dentist than see my mom. She is a fundamentalist christian, and made me go to church with her until I was 16. I can't talk to her. She is the type that thanks jesus for the wonderful weather. She thanks jesus for everything. She told me once that she doesn't think she would be able to wake up in the morning if it wasnt for her belief. I tried to explain to her that is no better than an alcoholic that needs booze. She is addicted to her religion, and is hell bent on shoving it in people's faces. She thinks homosexuality is a "choice", so I asked her if she chose to be straight. No she was born that way, just like someone born gay. I honestly don't even want to have kids, because I dont want them to have to be around that hateful lunacy that she would try to ahove down their throat. She is fucking crazy. She tried to call the cops on me when she found out I was smoking weed. Tldr. I hate my mom and her propaganda religion that is borderline a cult. I dont visit her often because it always turns into an argument and her saying she will pray for me. Sent from my SCH-R950 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
I feel you op. I've come to the conclusion I hate my sister. She acts like the world revolves around herself and she has always treated me like shit. It drives me fucking nuts I can't have a regular relationship with her. Just tonight I had to deal with her depressing ass shit.
Give it a few decades, your thoughts about her will probably reverse completely. If not then, after she is gone they will. I was raised by very strict Christian parents, but after I got older I realized they did everything in my best interest. I didn't agree with them regarding religion, but they just wanted the best for me as they saw it (I'm old, and they have both been dead for years).
I recognize that now. I know she is only doing it because she truly believes it is best for me. She has always been on the super conservative side, but lately it is getting worse. Within the last 3 years she is now going to church 3 to 5 times a week. Whenever I talk to her she always seems depressed, and concerned about me. I can see why, because according to her belief I am going to spend eternity in torment. I dont want my mom to think that, so I try to go along with it and act like I "believe" just to give her some peace of mind. It just sucks because I can't be the real me around her. I can only be this front that I put on so I don't worry her.
I did that too with my parents, and in some ways right up until they were gone. They were very anti-tobacco and alcohol and I abused both -- but never in front of them. I probably restrained myself around them more out of respect than anything else.
Same here. I try to be as respectful as I can. Ill smoke cigarettes around them, but I have never drank or been drunk in front of her. She smelled weed on me once and made a huge deal about it, so I never toked before seeing her again. I try to respect her, but it seems like she doesn't respect me. I get it though. In her mind I need to believe how she does or I will go to hell, so she (as a mother) will do anything in her power to try and convert me. Funny thing is, is that by her doing that it just pushes me away more. I prefer the whole lead by example approach rather than by quoting verses.
Heh, after some years and she sees how futile it is she may back off. That's what my parents did. But trying to predict human behavior is a risky thing to do: My one brother-in-law's mother lived to be 104 years old and she NEVER gave up trying to convert him.
let her believe what she wants to believe. many people that need help seek god. having faith is not a bad thing. but pushing your beliefs on someone else is pretty shitty! fuck religion!
True that man. I appreciate hearing advice from a more experienced individual (not calling you old haha) What ypu said about me changing my mind when there gone kinda hit home. As much as I disagree with them, im not looking forward to them passing. Its a part of life though so I guess I will cross that when it comes. Again thanks for your advice. Nah it isnt a bad thing per say. I do believe it can be a crutch just like alcohol can be. I dont try to force my views on her, but she forces hers on meand everyone she interacts with.
I feel for you man, I can't say that I can empathize because my parents were not religious, but I know what a relationship rift feels like. It's hard. The one thing that really stood out for me is when you said she told you she might not get out of bed in the morning if not for Jesus. From what I understand, Christians are supposed to value and cherish life because god gave them that life. Most Christians I have met appear to be pretty happy and accept whatever comes as gods plan, for the most part. Your Mom sounds like she is depressed. She could be focusing much more intensely on her religion because of her depression, and that is how people take religion to a dark place. That is how religion can turn into something destructive and dangerous. I don't hear anything about your Father's side in this, is he still with your Mother? Does your Mother have friends? Does your Mother do anything besides go to Church and do household chores and focus on your life? Your Mother could be lonely, sad, angry, restless. I would take what she has to say with a grain of salt and ignore her sharp-tongued comments because she merely lashing out. She is inadvertently causing herself more loneliness by pushing her son out of her life with her behaviour, but she needs you. I would ignore the bullshit, tell her you want to talk to her with the religion on a side plate, and ask her what is going on with HER. Not with jesus, not with you, not with so-and-so next door, but with HER. It is probably going to be really difficult for her to talk about herself that way and she will feel really vulnerable but here is the good part: You are an adult, so you no longer have to allow her to control the conversation or treat you like a child. If she starts to bring up Jesus you say "No mother that isn't what this is about, do not change the subject, treat me with respect and have this conversation with me. " My Mother isn't religious, but she went through something similar sounding to what your Mom is going through. She was angry, always focused on what we are doing wrong or what we could do better, she would go on these endless rants and get herself so worked up. She was clearly depressed, she gained weight, stopped caring about her hair or makeup, she ignored us when she wasn't ranting. She was going through something really hard, alcoholic ex husband, a couple of kids, basically on her own, lonely, not a lot of friends or support. It was really hard for her to start changing, and I can't pinpoint what exactly started it, but I would like to think it had a lot to do with realizing her own unhappiness and the fact that it had nothing to do with anyone else's behaviour. All I could do is stand up for myself but treat her with love at the same time. She would get angry about something I have done/am doing, and I would say "Mom, I love you, but this is my life and my choice and you are just going to have to let me make it, you can give me your opinion but you do not make my choices. Sorry." And at first she was shocked that I would say something like that but over time she understood the truth in it. Once the other kids followed suit with that type of attitude, I noticed she started going out with her friends a bit more. She actually laughed once and awhile. Then she started caring about her weight again, then she started caring about her appearance, then she started dating, then she started doing things she had never done before like rock climbing and exploring philosophy, it just kept going from there. Now she is happy, a completely different woman. She still gives her opinion, but it is much more gentle and you can tell it comes from a place of love, and it is only ONE time and not over and over in a melodic rant. She can move on from that and talk about other things, happy things, she has things to talk about too. So really, I think your Mom sounds like my Mom, sans religion. You know her best, maybe I am totally off the mark, but I think she sounds sad. It would be a shame for you to let her push you further and further away, but she doesn't know any better. Good luck man!
Religious people are fucking nuts. You people think I'm crazy because I have an imaginary friend named Bob but everyone else believes in a magic all powerful being and they're the sane ones? Right...
Nah man. I think your pretty on the mark. My mom and dad are legally seperated, but why they are still legally married I have no fuckin clue. He is an athiest, so him and my mom dont really jive. Lol it made it that much weirder growing up in a house with 2 totally different worldviews and both parents wanting me to pick sides. He is an asshole in his own ways though. He was addicted to alcohol among other things, and landed himself in prison, so he is awlways guilt tripping me about my weed and alcohol use. You are spot on about my mom though. Her whole life revolves around the church. Her only friends are those she sees at church. Its pretty sad when you think about it. She is using religion as a crutch, and I know it is taking her to a dark place. She legitimately seems like she is going crazy. Sent from my SCH-R950 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
Haha I gave up on that nutty fucker years ago. Sent from my SCH-R950 using Grasscity Forum mobile app