Sigh. I have been doing a kinda circle with this guy for two years now. When he met me, I made it very clear that I was looking for a relationship, so it wasn't like I sprung it on him randomly. He knew. His deal was that he was newly single, he wanted to be single for a bit, yadda yadda. That was all fine and good. Then a ton of shit happened, I stuck with him and now I'm here. Sitting in his bedroom after he freaked out and ran into the bathroom when I asked him to make a decision. It's silly to me, is it REALLY that hard to figure out whether or not you want to be with a person? If you spend your waking hours with them, go everywhere with them, spend a lot of money on them and accept the same in return? Freak out on them when they are with someone other than you? You would think those were signs of a person WANTING to be with that other person. At least that's what I've come to think. I just can't believe he got upset about that, all I said was I needed to know what the hell was going on with us. It's been two years. Don't I deserve some kind of answer now?
I think you didnt do anything wrong- you didnt do anything wrong, you have all the right to ask. All your questions are valid- dont know why some guys freak out about things like this.
Can I have my shoes back... I was in a similar situation, spent a lot of time with someone, and we really seemed to click, but when I brought up the idea of a relationship she didn't want to take the plunge with me... I don't regret telling her how I felt, in fact I wish I had said more, honestly.
if hes not prepared to give you an answer and runs off into the bathroom, then hes not prepared to be in a relationship.
It seems as if you guys are already in a relationship? Some guys just don't like having the actual title for some reason, I don't understand why.. If you are both exclusive I do not understand what more you could want?
do you guys sleep together? im kinda in a similar situation. except its basically a realtionship minus the label. at elast thats how i feel. its the frist time i have done this whole casual thing.
I don't know enough of his side of things to know for sure, but it sounds like there's something else going on. Either he's afraid of commitment or there is something else going on. Please don't take this offensivelly, but if he's not giving you want you want as far as a monogamous, steady relationship, then why are you still waiting? If you're saying that 2 years have passed, then it seems like you are the one who isn't feeling like you're worth it, and not him. I hope that made sense,... Basically, if you really feel like you diserve more, or if his lack of a solid responce is really bothering you, then why wait 2 years for it? If it was that important, then why not just leave before it got to this point? That's probably what's throwing him for a loop.
Damn 2 years thats awhile already the time to make a decision has been up. Maybe he just feels comfortable with the way things are right now.
First of all, I applaud you for sticking by him whenever whatever happened did. Not many people do stuff like that nowadays. That being said, he's not ready. If he can't tell you,after all this time you have spent with him, that he wants to be with you officially, he probably won't ever be ready. If you've been sleeping with him.. stop. He's getting what he wants without having to commit. I'm afraid you might be wasting time on this one. Good luck, though.
May wanna get the heck out before it's too late. I can not know the situation, but kinda sounds like it may have been best to leave after the first year. From my experience (which means nothing), I knew I had to leave at 2 years and didn't. Woke up at what seemed to be the next morning to find I'm still there at Seven years not knowing which way to turn. Get Out, before it's too late. lol
There is just a heap of shit that has been going on with this. Basically, when he met me he was still living with his ex. He told me he wanted to be single for a while and then we would work on things. Everything went along just dandy for about a year, until I found out he had been still referring to himself as her boyfriend and her as his girlfriend. And later on, he has two or three other chicks he's declared his "love" for. I was basically living with him around then. I cleaned the apartment, cooked, picked up the weed. Did everything I could do so when he came home from work he would have a hot meal, a loaded bong and a nice comfy place to lay his head. This one time I completely gutted his room, changed the position of the bed so that it was easy for us to get out of it instead of having to climb over each other and made a ton of extra room for his books. Come to find out, he had the "ex" over a night I wasn't there and told her he did that for HER. I know, I should have just left at that point, but I was too emotionally attached. So I kept on. I told him if he wanted to be with someone else he just needed to come clean and say that so I could move on. Last night (before he freaked out) was the first time he was honest about the other girls. Before then it was me being "crazy" and "imagining" things. He told me he wants to be with everyone at once. I told him he can't be in love with 3 or 4 people, because 2 or 3 of them will end up hurt. Me being the main one because he fucking treats me like I'm his chick minus the title. He told me he thought about us being together all the time, which I kinda believe or else he wouldn't CONSTANTLY be with me, even after the awful fights we have. And we have fucking World War type of fights in terms of the verbal brutality. I slept with him until recently, when I decided this had to change. I've sacrificed so much for him, more than I can go into detail about. I KNOW I deserve better and as someone else said, he will never be ready to make this official. But it hurts so much to be away from him. He told me he was afraid to loose his best friend, but he's loosing me with the way he's treating me. I KNOW what I need to do, I need to walk away. I guess I wasn't really looking for answers because I'm an adult and know what needs to be done in order for me to stop suffering. I guess this was more of a venting thread. Please continue to post advice, it does help me.
this is intense and i feel horrible for you! I have had a similar situation going on for the past like year and a half? except im a GUY!! haha im more the one in your situation and im the guy. . . . anyways i feel your pain and im sorry but you should just move on and be happy
This. You say you do everything for him, but he's out there professing feelings for other women? I think that you've allowed yourself to create a space for you in his life, but you may have blinded yourself to what was actually going on because of the feelings that you have for him. Don't YOU think that YOU deserve better?
Ughh... just realized I went on a rant rather than giving an actual response. I'd say yes... People put up walls even though they constantly talk about being in relationships they can't seem to put them down. Maybe he's more crucial on details, and realizes flaws a whole lot more, afraid small details could cause problems down the line. Maybe he feels that way about your friendship. *short version, he's now a prude.
It sounds very clear he does not want anything long term, so now you ask yourself this quesiton "So then what exactly does he want?" think about it
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I'm at 15yrs., and FINALLY realized that it was just a dream Walking away from someone you love is the hardest thing to do, but you deserve to get as good as you give!!! Read the 3rd line in my sig, unfortunately you're a member of a huge club
Well, an update. He told me he wanted to talk to me, made me wait almost a fucking week to "talk". We get to tonight, he keeps putting it off, I get annoyed and tell him we need to get this done. So basically, all he had me waiting for was "I never said I was a good person" and "You could have left at any time". In short, he didn't give a shit about me at all. Which I knew for a while. He's a selfish piece of shit and everything that he did to me with come back to him ten fold. Karma is not to be fucked with. No crying on my end though, he made me go through that a ton already and I'm all dried up. Just time to concentrate on myself. Thanks to everyone for listening/giving advice.