Is a text inappropriate for a grieving friend?

Discussion in 'General' started by I I11MATIC I, Oct 29, 2014.

  1. Hey guys,
     
    I've just heard some really sad news that one of my friends lost his dad last night. I consider him a close friend, but I'm not sure he would consider me the same. I get on with him well, he's a member of my group of friends and I see him very often when he's back from uni, but then maybe twice through term time. I also only really see him alongside the group, I've never met him on his own but have in a smaller group of 3 or 4.
     
    I know him and both of his brothers relatively well and feel like I should say something to let him know I'm here for him, he's at home now and I'm one of two people here since everybody else is at uni, I feel like if he wants to get away from the house or family then I should be there to pick him up or whatever. 
     
    Do you think a text is appropriate? I was just going to send -
     
    "Really sorry to hear about your loss mate, I hope you and the family are coping okay, let me know if you need anything. i11matic."
     
    But I'm just not sure it's appropriate.
     
    What would you write? Or would you wait to see him in person?
     
    Thanks,
     
    i11matic

     
  2. I wouldn't say it's inappropriate, but a visit in person would be a lot more meaningful, and show that you truly are willing to help him. I know it may sound corny, but if you know his address, perhaps send a letter? I know it's slower, but it's a lot more personal, and could be a decent option if he's a long way from you. Showing up to talk or hang out a bit or even just express your sympathy would be the nicest thing to do, at least IMO.
     
    But it's still good of you to do anything. Visit > letter > text > nothing.
     
  3.  
    I'm tempted by a letter but can't see it arriving before the funeral, and I'd like to get in touch before that really. I would go to the house but I can imagine that a lot of family will be there at the moment and I'd feel like I was interrupting, especially considering I've only been to the house once.
     
    I feel like a call would seem like he has to answer a little too much, if I text him then he can reply if he likes, and if not then he knows I'm here if he needs, but doesn't have to.
     
  4. Good point, I did not really think of other family members likely being at the house. Shoot him a text, man! It's not the most personal thing in the world, but it's still nice. I agree regarding calling, it could be awkward on either side of that call, and as you said, he might not want to talk all that much.
     
  5. Yeah I think I'll just send the text, do you think what I had written out in the first post is okay? I'm useless at this stuff! 
     
    Thanks for the help!
     
  6. Yeah I think a text is ok, like you said he can respond if he wants to.
     
    Better than nothing.
     
  7. No that be fine imo

    people grieve different, he might not want to see folk face to face right now.

    Sent from my SM-T210 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
  8. Seems perfectly fine to me :smoke: I'm no therapist, but I can say I'd probably send something similar myself!
     
  9. You're a good friend man. Nothing inappropriate at all, you're just giving your support to someone who needs it. 
     
  10.  
    It's sent, thanks for the help!
     
     
    That's what I thought, another friend of mine lost his dad a couple of years ago and just stayed in for ages, but I know if it was me I'd want to be out as often as I could. I'm happy to have text him.
     
     
    It's sent, thanks man! :)
     
     
    Thanks man, I've sent the text but not expecting a reply.
     
  11. He text back immediately, "Cheers man, I really appreciate it x".
     
    Not sure whether to reply, I feel like I shouldn't since there's nothing really to reply to. 
     
  12.  
    "Yo I'm gonna smoke you out, just name a time and place" :smoke: 
     
  13. ^^
     
  14. Ask him if he watched the walking dead last night
     
  15. Well played so far, in my opinion. If it were me, I'd respond just saying again, "Anytime. Don't hesitate to hit me up if you need anything or just want to shoot the shit."

    Usually people automatically say "if there's anything I can do..." in these situations, and its hard to tell who really means it and who is just being polite. I don't know. That's how I feel.

    Good on ya for being a good mate. It's a tough subject.
     
  16.  
    Thanks man, I haven't replied yet and it's kinda late now, I'll maybe reply the morning but I'm not sure if that'll be too late.. We'll see like you say most people will say it, being able to tell who means it is the difficult thing, I'd hope he'll know I mean it, I don't mess around and wouldn't bother with the text if I didn't mean it, so I hope he knows that.
     
  17.  
    Good rule of thumb to follow: it's never too late. Not with this kind of stuff. Replying in the morning is a good plan, maybe even a better plan because it'll serve as  a good reminder that you're there for him.
     
  18.  
    Good point man, I think I'll do that tomorrow, I'll leave it till a decent time too, last thing I need is to wake him up, can't imagine sleeping is too easy for him at the moment.
     
    Thanks for the advice dude.
     
    i11matic
     
  19. I was just a wee kid when my dad died. But it was a nightmare meeting friends, and going back to school.

    They don't mean to but they treat you differently.
    However they mean well
     
  20. Id definitely send the other text but yeah like boydamien says, the worst thing is when ppl treat you differently or whatever because even though they mean well when you're trying to get your mind off something it just makes you keep thinking of it if that makes sense.
     

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