My husband & I have been married 15 years. For the last 7 years he cheated on me with countless women. I was actually aware of it but felt like it was my fault or something. I used to be really overweight. I remained faithful. Even after I lost weight. After he finally admitted it I gave him a second chance but he couldn't stop. So I called it. While separated he dated around and I hooked up with a guy from my past 3 times. My husband begged for me back and I decided it may actually be in my best interest. I took him back. I'm too honest I guess and told him what I did. He feels extremely hurt and I guess he should? So now he calls me on average 13 times a day. Not making that up. He borderline stalks me basically. So I post to several forums use messenger and FB and text of course. Recently he used my tablet and opened everyone of my accounts and looked through them. I want him to trust me but I feel like I need a little privacy. I felt like he read my diary or something. Which he's actually done before. He has ALWAYS been jealous and always asked or accused me of cheating. For 15 years. I never did. Except when we were getting a divorce. Should he be able to have full access to everything or is it ok to ask for some privacy? Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
You should have privacy, and if he has issues with that, then he obviously has issues with trust and that's not good for either of you. You must have trust for relaitionships to function healthily. So if that's the case, tell him it's something that needs to happen if you ever want to have a normal relationship.
hell if i was you id finalize that divorce. dude was fucking around and then you feel like its your fault? not trusting you? My was ex wife was trash. I rolled over and dealt with it for a year... I was worried how people would see me. Like I failed being married like I wasn't good enough to make it work, etc.. fuck that! i know it isnt as easy done as said but you need to evaluate your situation and get yourself happy but to answer your question you deserve privacy but you shouldn't have to lock your stuff up
I feel like I should prove he can trust me. I've been open and honest and not shady in the least bit. How long should I keep this up? Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
You shouldn't have to prove shit, he should be the one trying to prove his trust for you and his worth. He is the cheater, and you were being generous by taking him back. Now HE has to prove himself, not the other way around. And he should start by trusting you and not looking through your shit, and giving you respect by being ok with you having privacy. Keep what up?
Oh my god. It's so complicated. Two business, house, kid, property in another country, and 64k in back taxes he owes for not paying the state sales tax. That's just the big stuff. And he can be a mean, manipulative, sly bastard. When I told him the first time I wanted a divorce he convinced me to settle out of court and told me if i got a lawyer he'd sell everything and move to Guatemala (where he's from). I know he'd do it. The first thing he started doing when we seperated was selling all his assets. Anything he could. But at the same time he played Mr nice guy and gave me half of the money. He did just enough to keep me hooked and make it seem fair while he was ripping me off the whole time. That's just one example. I have no secondary education and I've been a stay at home mom for 11 years. I've tried getting jobs. No one wants me! I have a mortgage, two huge car payments which we can't get out of. Belive me we're trying. A kid, 10k in debt, plus the 64k he owes the state. In this state everything is shared equally. It's my 64k too. I feel like it's in my best interest to stick around. If we did end up divorcing again I'd get a lawyer this time. But I have no money and no way to get money. He has all the money and can hire the best lawyer around and he'd undoubtedly take me to the cleaners. Then he'd leave the country and I'd never see a dime of any spousal support or child support. He has actually told me that. I'm trapped. But I still want his trust. It just makes things easier. Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
Keep up letting him have access to my stuff. I don't lock any screens on my devices and i thought that'd be enough to prove I'm not hiding anything. I guess not. Since I did sleep with another guy before the divorce was final do y'all consider that cheating? Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
OP, sorry for your situation. I hate giving relationship advice but imo you need to actually sit down with him and ask him if he really wants to see this work - and I mean actually see it work; long term. Lifelong. If he answers yes then you need to tell him exactly what you just told us - you didn't have sex with anyone else until you two were split and haven't since. If he really wants to make it work then he needs to trust you and not go through your shit - or the trust is out the window and with no trust the long term relationship just can't work. Ask him if you can go through all of his shit and see how he feels. The last thing I'd do is go through my wife if 25+ years phone - WAY too much work lol J
This is an easy 1, you're in a destructive relationship and not meant to be together. Everyone's putting the blame on the husband but I see it as both your faults. I've been in a similar situation with an ex and at 1st I placed all the,blame on her. Then I realized I was the 1 that allowed it to happen. Never again and I've been a much happier healthier person ever since.
Once a cheater always a cheater they can never be trusted again. I had a simular situation with my ex I got back with her again and again. I kept telling myself it was for the kids but in turn it started destroying their life's and a choice was made never trust a cheater if he's looking thru your shit because he doesn't have faith in you he's definitely cheating on you again.
Oh dear, my heart goes out to you Going through your private things without your permission is a violation of trust. It is a common trait for cheaters to behave this way; it is a subconscious projection of their own behavior. From a health standpoint, I hope you permanently break contact with him, or at the very least, only have protected sex with him and get tested regularly. You don't know the sexual histories of the women he is sleeping with. I was with a man in my early thirties who I was crazy in love with. We were dating just a few months before he moved in with me. Everything seemed *perfect* for the first two years. He was so romantic, writing poetry for me, making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I really thought we would be together for life. Christmas Eve 2006, my entire world came crashing down around me. We did ecstasy that night. We had done it for the first time the weekend before, and had such a fantastic night that we decided to do it again. This night, ecstasy was acting as a truth serum on him. He told me he had been fucking a family member of mine. He told me other things all night long, acts of infidelity he had committed. He went from the man who would always have my back to the man who plunged a knife in my back, in one night. I should have left him right on the spot, but I stayed another 2 1/2 years. I stayed because I thought if I just did a better job being a loving girlfriend, it would go back to the way it was. It didn't. One day, in the wee hours of the morning after a rather intense argument, something inside of me woke up and said, "I do not deserve this." I told him to get the fuck out of my house. He spent the next two hours packing his shit, and that was that. I stayed single for the next three years. I spent a year seeing a behavioral therapist because I never wanted end up in another relationship like that, and I did not trust myself to make good decisions that way. Before I met my husband, those years I was single were the best years of my life. I wasn't searching for love in others. I was exploring the love within myself that I didn't even know was there. I was fully embracing life; trying out new sports & activities, strengthening my spirituality, and coming to terms with a troubled past and low self worth that was causing me to wind up in toxic relationships. I was finally putting me first. I'm so glad I did because having a healthy mind and seeing myself as someone of value, made it so I picked a wonderful man to be with, who is now my husband. I know what it is to be fully committed to a man who you believe is your life partner, but hun you have to love you above all. His treatment of you is unacceptable. You have to know that. I hope you will consider seeing a counselor.
You know very well that you are not at fault and you should finalize the divorce. Finalize it regardless of fault because your relationship is now toxic.
You brought this on yourself unfortunately. Should have dropped the crazy cheating cunt 15 years ago.