inner workings of a weirdo

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by fracturtle, Aug 7, 2008.

  1. alright guys, i am going to bear to you the inner workings of my psyche concerning sex, love and relationships. i will start when i was a little boy.

    when i was young, i thought about sex just as much if not more than i do now. i remember vividly sitting in class thinking how gorgeous my teachers breasts were and noticing that her nipples were somewhat erect under her blouse and having a hard little cock under my desk, somewhat confused about the situation but happy to be gazing upon those beautiful globes and accompanying pretty woman. i used to get into such deep little sexual thought type trances that once i didn't even realize my teacher was trying to talk to me infront of the whole class and i was just oggling her lol.

    so growing up i had some weird urges. i was extremely shy so the only interaction with girls i had was the sort where they would chase me on the playground or come tug on my hair and run away. i was always attracted to the little girls in my classes, but it seemed like even more so i wanted my teachers or my friends mothers lol. i remember weird urges like wanting to kiss my little brother just so i would know what kissing lips would feel like. i eventually did plant a big wet one on my mom and sort of got told off for it. she thought it was very weird but come on, i was like 8 years old.

    now jump like 4 years to middle school, i guess i was an attractive boy because many of the "popular" girls wanted to be my girlfriend and so i sort of got sucked into the "popular" crowd and did their thing. it sucked, i realized that being popular was all about finding people who are different and then making that obvious to everyone. everybody was such a dick and eventually i said fuck this and receded back into strange society where i got noticed, by an OLDER WOMAN.

    now this was interesting because this girl was a bit of a little floozie, and i remember how to her i was basically just a mouth to put her tongue in. and i mean really put her tongue in, thinking back to my first french kiss i was like this is's like she was trying to rotate her tongue in such a fashion to scrape off anything that might have been inside my mouth. strange, but i took it with stride lol. i even sort of enjoyed it.

    so fast forward another 4 years and i'm in highschool. i don't really worry about girls or anything as at this point in my life i have started to have other strange urges. now i think i might be gay because i was never totally comfortable with the whole girl dating scene, and i started having like subconcious urges to play around with cock. not like take a guy out to dinner and romance him in hopes of having a sensual kiss at the end of the night. i'm talkin i wanted to go jerk a guy off at the porn store just to see what it was like. strange, i know. i had a friend who at an early age identified himself as a bisexual and so i spent a lot of time with him, trying to see if maybe we were the same.

    it turned out we werent. like maybe i'm a little gay, but enjoying the looks and possibly a quick squeeze of a cock is where the line ends. my friend on the otherhand fantasized about porking me in the butt, and thats cool for him to think about, i dont care. it's just when i tried to think about like being totally gay and caressing a hairy male body, it just really grossed me out. so obviously, at this point i'm very confused about love and relationships, because i love this friend of mine but don't want to have sex with him, and i am shy around girls probably because i reallllly want to have sex with them but i am too scared to.

    it is at this point i think that i realized that society's outlook on love and sex is totally fucked. i think in fact that society's concerns regarding sex are intentionally skewed to keep everybody self conscious and confused about their true feelings.

    so thats where i stand right now. in the last few years i found a girl i am comfortable with and we have had a blast exploring all the sexual possibilities between us. i am truly in love with this girl, but there are still some nagging feelings i have about sexuality.

    like before my current girlfriend of almost 3 years, i was a virgin. it was sort of weird because when i met her, she was a bit of an idiotic drunken slut, and would have jumped on my cock in a second. but, i wasn't that kind of guy and i sort of romanced her and got her to realize that getting wasted all the time and fucking random dudes really wasn't a way to live. she explained it like she only did that because she was trying to find a guy who would love her, and what better way to win a man's affection than by getting his dick wet. so after we courted for a little while we finally had sex, and it was terrible lol. she judged me because i was so quick to finish since i was nervous, and it sort of ruined sex for a little while until i found out she was trying to make herself sound more experienced, when in fact she had only had sex while trashed and it always hurt her.

    so we got passed our inexperience and nowadays can have amazing sex, but there are still nagging emotions coming out of the woodwork. like for one thing i hate to remember that she used to be a little slut, even though she changed when she met me. but it also bothers me that she has had other partners, and i probably never will. like sometimes i just want to go have any random girl just so i can have something to compare it to.

    i guess this all boils down to my probably warped view of sex in the first place. it seems like most people are brought up to believe that your supposed to find a girl to eventually marry and have kids with. i've been taught that any other thoughts are unnatural.
    i don't think this is the case. i think every "fucked up" thought concerning sex i've ever had has probably been more true to the nature of reality than anything i've learned from society.

    right now i'm forming the idea that society is nothing but limitations to keep ourselves distracted from the truth, that is, we could all be living as one and fucking our brains out. i don't mean to rule out happy couples, but it seems taboo for sex to be between more than 1man and 1woman. why not large scale orgies? why don't we teach people that you can have satisfying sexplay outside the vagina that doesn't result in children? i just think that society would be a lot more healthy if sex wasn't some naughty secret and people could talk about how great it feels to give yourself an orgasm. and if the idea of true love and marriage and all that garbage were not connected to the orgasm, people could use genital stimulation as recreation, means to settle arguments, hell, people might realize that a good wank can take care of a headache.

    it seems like the point of society is to keep people from being able to open themselves up to others completely. i just believe that two people who love each other should be secure enough in their relationship to realize that they can share their sexuality with others. society has been set up in such a fashion as to make people who do these things reside in the minority.

    i want a new society in which a little boy can lay and play with an older woman and it is nothing but innocent and beautiful. there is no good that comes from these barriers.
  2. can you summarize this into 3 (or less) easy to read sentences?
  3. #3 joe Biggs, Aug 7, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 7, 2008
    he is mad society forces us to feel ashamed by natural thoughts sex related. he wants to fuck someone else besides his gf to know what its like but still loves his gf. he feels sex should be able to be open and that sex and love are capable of being separate.

    howd i do op?
  4. joebiggs pretty much nailed it. i only wish there were a thumbs up smiley:p
  5. too high to read this lol

  6. I agree it's good to accept your sexuality, no matter what it is. Trying to deny what you're naturally feeling will always be a mistake. That doesn't mean you should act on every desire, it just means that you should accept that these desires are inside you ..unrequested, maybe even unwanted but still they're there naturally and should be accepted.

    After that, what you actually act on is your decision (as you know we all have to accept the consequences of our decisions, so we'd better make good ones!).

    However, children don't have the ability to be able to decide whether they should have sex or not. So I don't agree with your last sentence (if I understand it correctly).

    In all, it just sounds like you're not ready to settle down. It'd probably be best for you to see the world, have a few more relationships, and get comfortable with who you are and the world that we live in.

    GL man! ..stay safe!!
  7. about where u can be in a relationship, love someone but express yourself sexually with other people..its called an open..or poly-amorous relationship..ive been ina some, and they actually worked well for some time, as long as you both set rules that you both agree to and are comfortable with than imo theres nothing wrong with that

    so..maybe you could talk to ur gf about that kinda situation...rules are key tho in these kind of relationships..a.nd if your the jealous type then it WILL not work for you...unless you realize that ur girl isnt going to leave you over sex...thats the kinda way u gotta look at it..if its just sex then its just sex...that you even agreed to

    but yeah dude..most of the thoughts and feelings you expressed are perfectly natural, but yes taboo in our say FUCK YOU SOCIETY and as long as your not hurting yourself or others...go for what makes you happy
  8. tldnr
    actually, tHdnr
  9. Not that I share in those kind of thoughts (IE the urges for penis), I have thought about this subject quite a bit. Ancient Greeks and Romans had no real definition of sexuality- it was often commonplace for noblemen to have male and child sex slaves. The emergence of hetero and homo sexuality is a fairly significant addition to the human condition as well as society, and most people are completely unaware of it.
  10. haha thanks. thumbs up. :p

    the ways of society are sick and twisted. tell your girlfriend what you said here and be serious and see what she says. if she doesnt like it tell her to read 'stranger in a strange land' by robert heinlein

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