In Recovery, I don't want to say goodbye

Discussion in 'General' started by gorillathunder, Sep 26, 2010.

  1. Hey buddayes,
    iPhone post while I'm in the back at church here.  So I have 2 weeks left of my 6 week outpatient program.  I started this program because using "drugs" marijuana/ecstasy got me kicked out of mom and dads house.  I moved in with an acquaintance who is a faithful Mormon.  He did not approve of me having beer in my room, when I went to work he went down there and probably smelled the remnants of pot smoke. So he kicked me out and now I'm back at mom and dad's place on the conditions of no drug use.  Well, I broke that commitment and went to a rave and also smoked again on 2 occasions.  When I told my counselor this he was pretty hard on me and told me that he didn't think I was going to stop and warned me that 10 years could go by and I'd still be an addict of some sort.  I decided that day to start recovery and the next week I began.

    Now 3 weeks have passed.  I'm having a hard time fully embracing the principles of AA/NA because I want to smoke weed again.  I relapsed last Monday, told my group - got sent home for that day.  I threw out my stash at the gas station but the next morning I went to see if it was still there - the weed enjoying side of me or perhaps "addict" side of me couldn't bear to throw out:
    New $20 pipe and case
    1/8 quality bud
    2 quickfix synth urine
    I locked up the stash in a drawer - I've been tempted to get high on a Friday after work. But I didn't, don't want to have to lie to my recovery group/parents

    So here I sit - struggling with this.  I'd like to think that I can be successful and actually enjoy my life while using marijuana responsibly.  In the past year I abused it, but I made it throgh the college semesters and retained my job.  

    Can you guys give me some helpful advice - all I used was weed and ecstasy (Ecstasy, usually no more than once a month)
    I don't want to admit I'm an addict - I don't want to go back to smoking heavily daily.  But I'd like to picture myself in the future moving out, working through college, keeping my job, and also enjoying marijuana responsibly... 
  2. Ummm...

    smoke weed but still act like a responsible human being?

    fuck support groups nobody needs that shit.
  3. its quite easy. commit to your program, enjoy the feeling of being sober because its a fucking trip man.then u know u can stop with the weed when you need to get your priorities straight. the ecstasy? i think u know the answer. just stop that shit man
  5. Wow, why the fuck aren't you blazing right now?
    If this shit wasn't ruining your life, then your not actually addicted. Fuck a support group.
  6. What I'm saying is that just because I enjoy pot does that neccesarily mean I have a disease known as addiction?
  7. one, addiction is not a disease. Thats an excuse alcoholics anonymous made to make it seem they arent at fault and trick them into religion.

    Second, it isnt an addiction until you cant go one day without it. Cannabis isnt known to be physically addictive, so its probably in your head.
  8. Put up with the shit until you're out, then continue smoking.
    Problem solved.
  9. Be true to your support group just so you can get through it...

    A tolerance break will only make smoking more intense for you. Hell I went 3 weeks without smoking because of financial reasons but when I smoked my first blunt... oh my god I was baked.

    Good luck, brother. ;)
  10. Move out and get your own place?
  11. Well for one i dont class Marijuana as a drug :)
    And if they kicked you out just for doing a bit of weed? then fuck them.
    Get your own place.

    And never forget. Puff Puff Pass! :D
  12. Hate to say it, but if your addicted to one drug, your most likely not going to be able to do any other drugs without going back to that drug. Weed has led me back into "female hero" on quite a few occasions, so I just try not to fuck with anything these days other than some rare hallucinogens for motivation to stay clean, and 2-3 hits of bud maybe once a month/2 months. I'm pretty sure if I didn't have my medication I wouldn't last a week, addiction is a real motherfucker. I don't know if your necesssarily an addict though.

    As far as addiction being a disease, it does fit all the criteria for what a disease is, however I go with the Passages theory that addiction is a symptom of an underlying cause.

  13. Thanks for the info and to others who actually tries to be understanding and lend some support. That's why I made this post because my affection for marijuana puts me in this predicament. Only I'm gonna know if I'm an addict or not. I don't really identify with most people in recovery and at AA because my drug of choice is marijuana just like most the people here at grasscity. I was never sick on my ass from pot, I never missed work, I did ok in school, and I've never stolen shit for weed. So I battle the question "am I an addict". Because I wan to smoke again in the future dies that make me one? I thought some people here could understand - geez
  14. theres no therapy sessions needed all you have to do is change your surroundings for a while because thats what keeps you raving, you just need new people round you

  15. Pretty strong opinions right there man. Theres a reason many drug addicts have to hit utter rock bottom before they can change and many can't even then. Maybe its an "excuse" for not cleaning up but for a lot of addicts getting high is all they can think about when not using. I'm not really talking about cannabis here but I hope you get my point. Also addicts can go days without it, have a work only addiction to certain things to help get through their job, or go a long time and relapse. As one of my counselors who did heroin for ten years and has been clean for 12 told me some people never stop being addicting he is addicted to heroin to this day but knows he cannot use it or he will end up back in prison, lose everything he has, or die.

    It's why many who have been clean for years still tell people they are "in recovery" they know they aren't completely cured of their addiction they still think about it but abstain from using.

    You may not refer to it as a disease but it isn't something to be taken lightly.

    To the OP stay strong man and take a break from it. I mean really chill and realize you have your whole life ahead of you, weed will always be there when you are in a better situation and have learned to enjoy life again without it and can moderate your use more easily.
  16. #1 weed is not physically addicting whatsoever. however it can be slightly psychologically addicting. ie. if you dont have weed you want some. #2 you dont need any support groups cause you smoke a little grass. #3 i agree addiction is not a disease, its a problem . #4 quit the e. e is bad for you
  17. I also want to clarify that I don't think your an addict you are just overdoing it with all of the risks involved and being let back in your parents house on the terms of no drug use try to respect that a take a break from all that. I wish you the best of luck sorting this out.
  18. Just quit for like 6 months or a year and get your life on track. Then if your still up to it smoke again on occasion. Good luck on life man. Youll find the answers.;)
  19. #19 gorillathunder, Sep 29, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2010
    ahh, thanks guys :D glad to have some support and helpful advice. I agree with donkeys (edit: "donkeys?" phreak iPhone!) about using this time to get things in order and chill. I'm trying not to worry too much about the distant future and if I want to smoke or not. Although I will be tempted, I want to remain totally clean while I'm here at the parents. It would damage our relationship and trust if I were to get high again after all this. I'm done with recovery after next week!! YAY

    I'm holding reservations about weed in the future... This is not in accordance with recovery/AA doctrine... But I'm not gonna stress it - actually my goal is to be clean tomorrow and that's about it. Then I'll do the next thing the day after that. I'm working alot of hours and saving so in the future if I want I can move out, get my own place, and if I want... pull out my stash that's locked away.

    The idea of having my own place that I can smoke up if I so choose just seems really appealing. I've had to hide it my whole life - I'm sick of that sneaking, hiding, lying shit!
    As for the E, I see what you guys are saying - I've actually had mostly positive experiences only... Except when I got my iPhone stolen :C Fuck all the people out there who steal from others! I kindof believe if you practice good harm reduction and use sparingly that ecstasy is pretty benign no? Although, I'm just getting stabilizes on my AD's... Someone on AD's probably shouldn't use ecstasy...
  20. Im not sure what you mean by this. Addiction is not a disease. The flu is a disease. AIDs is a disease. Habitually ingesting a known addictive substance over and over to the point you feel discomfort when deprived of said substance, is NOT a disease.

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