im tired. im tired of being witness to the drudgery, the sickness, the day-by-day degredation i see in my peers. i feel like Jane fuckin Goodall watching these apes. they dont seach for meaning. their goal is to get fucked up on the weekends then challange each other on who has the best story to tell next week. theyre cows. they feel they can live without significance; to them it doesnt matter. they dont question. they dont wonder. they follow. they are sheep. self-rightous, pompous, narcissistic, megalomaniacal, wastes of flesh, bone, muscle tissue, and potential. how little they know of what is possible. but to them, profundity is just a big confusing word. fuck them, i cant change them, and im not going to try. all i can do is better myself. and that is why i came here. for about 4 or 5 months now, ive been without a job. which means i have little daily structure. my sleep cycle is in shambles. when im not at school, im home, indulging in apathy, procrastination, lethargy. ive used my depression and anxiety as a crutch. ive been the waste. there are some people who, on their own, cannot pick themselves out of a depression, but im convinced i can. its a crime. but, starting tomorrow, things are going to change. im going to begin sculpting myself into a more proficient live-er of life. my physical body will mold, become slimmer, healthier. my mind will become sharper, calmer, more collective. the last aspect i will attempt to alter, i percieve, will be the most difficult. my spirit. i want to begin meditation. i want to find a mode of spiritual reflection and contemplation that suites me. i want to find contentment, or, more precisly, happiness. i want to delve into myself. contact what ive never known. i feel a little disapointed in myself for the rant up top. but i thought id give u a glimpse of how i feel towards what i see. its sad. i want to, not ignore but, see past the negative. in the aspects i mentioned i want to heal myself. i want to get better, because i must first do that if im to get well. any-fuckin-who, i came here to make a request. id like to hear what you have to say about my plan. it is not yet well mapped out, so some pointers would be much appreciated. any liturature on meditation or web links would be awsome.
respectfully my friend, I worry for you. you are an intelligent young individual, I can tell. I was like you. those sheep are more than you give them credit for. most people rarely show to everyone what's inside, but there is someone in there, someone unique with possitive attributes and negatives. don't judge your peers so harshly, if you have some patience with their shortcommings, you may find some qualities that interest you. good luck my friend
Smokingjoe68 is 100% right...after all, how would we be able to better ourselves if bettering others was impossible? You just have to teach, my friend; show them the way to enlightenment; explain to them why getting fucked up to get fucked up is useless and serves absolutely no purpose. As for the reading, If you're looking to dive straight into other planes of existence, I suggest Astral Dynamics by Robert Bruce. I'm currently reading it myself, and at the very least it's an extremely interesting read. He kind of goes through what you'll need to do to meditate to achieve an out of body experience, and see the other planes of exitence that are ll around us at any given time. If you're only looking for books on meditation, I suggest anything and everything you can find. Meditation is highly subjective in terms of what works for who. Read absolutely everything you're willing to, and pick a technique you think you like. If it doesn't work, don't become angry or impatient, but simply move on to another technique. There are some threads on this forum that seem to cover meditation pretty thoroughly also, so I'd also suggest looking those up. You might also consider Martial Arts if you're looking to become a healthier, more fit person. Tai Chi and Kung Fu are most likely the best, as they complement each other perfectly (Tai Chi being the soft, inner workout, and Kung Fu being the hard, outer workout). Be patient, brother...everything takes time.