I'm in a cubicle, to get specific. I joined this place a few days ago, and I was just reading Hogdogity's story. I haven't gotten high in a couple years, that's no where near as long as the other dude. But I've been thinking, and the two worst periods in my life, well three really, were the times I've had no mary jane. Growing up, that was pretty bad times, and there was sure no mj. LOL Okay, the two real stretches of time when I gave it up, once when I was 24-25, and then again, I gave it up when I got married at 28. Both times I gained lots of weight and got really depressed. Last time I didn't pull myself together until I got back with the herb. This time I have straightened myself out, got my weight and my life back together. But why? My husband asked me to give it up. His mom used to be an out of control druggie. I was a pothead. Without my the old familiar green, I can tell I'm searching for some other kind of fix, through food, and also through pills. I should definitely go back to my old friend, mj. Now I have an office job. What kind of tradeoff is that? I guess the money's good. My husband is great, but I can effectively argue that my life is not as good. Damn, I can't wait for the growing season.
I'm in an office as well. Have you always had the office job? OJ's can make life suck sometimes, but not as bad as going without MJ. Does your husband know about the pills? Seems he should prefer the pot.
Hey Presto - I cant say my circumstances are the same as yours because mine were a little different. But I think I understand what you are saying in part. A few thoughts: My life didnt turn around personally until I fixed the core of my issues. I dont want to get preachy with you and dont mean to sound that way. But you said you were still looking for a "fix" through pills and food. Forgive me if I seem out of place. But for me I had to fix this first. I only found that through peace with God. And not just the "I believe in God" kind of adjustment. Like a complete acceptance of His love, forgiveness, peace and freedom in Christ. Please no one flame me for that. I just believe it to be true. After I did, it took about 4 years for my heart to mend - and not to need a fix. Maybe its not the same for you. But my heart was busted. About your husband, and his fear. I totally can relate here. MY mom had (and has) a drug problem, and my father did when I was very young. My wife was very fearful about that connection and worried about any use of mine. BUT - I had to be clean and discuss with her where I was and what I was thinking. Your marriage is important, and nothing kills it quicker than secrets. And your marriage is more important than a high - and can provide you so much more than mj can. Just my opinion. I have an office (cubicle) job too. I love it. I am really thankful for it. Personally, the stability is huge for me. And for me, I may continue to smoke once in a while, but I would never risk the life I have. So many people in the world live in such horrible poverty and hurt. It is a real gift to have a job and family. You may already have all that in mind. Just my reaction. Sorry to seam preachy. You can PM me if you want.
Well at least I'm not posting from the work computer. LOL This is my first office job, I've had it for two and a half years now. Before this I always worked very active jobs, a variety of things. We built a new house this last year, so it's not like I was terribly inactive, coming to work became more like a weekend, time to recover before going back to work on the house. "Hard work good, and hard work fun, but first take care of head." Like that. I love working hard after a half a bowl. Just enough to be cheery. Lord, save me from your followers. No offense man, I was raised in a cult. Seriously. Pills on occasion, muscle relaxers, vics, migraine pills, antidepressants for a year a while back. Didn't want or need any of em before I gave up mj. I think what it boils down to, is that I never took the time to show my now husband that I'm not his fun seeking mother. I like a bowl or two in the evenings, like he likes a beer or two. Alcohol doesn't do it for me. (Part of that is that I'm now gluten intolerant, so I'm limited to gluten free beer, white wine, good potato vodka, rum and some better gins, don't care for tequila. And if I tie one on and forget to read a label I'll make myself ill consuming the wrong thing.) I think i'd like to at least have the opportunity to demonstrate that I'm not his druggie mom, out to fry my brain. If he really really doesn't care for the natural stoner inside of me, I could give it up again. I think he'd appreciate the boost to my libedo though. We've been married almost four years, things are starting to slow down, especially when you throw in building a freaking house. I identified a bit with HogDogity, we have given it up in exchange for bettering our lives. Circumstances are certainly different for each of us, no doubt. And I think we'd each like to see it as part of life again.
He can drink and you can smoke. Seems a fair trade to me and my spouse. She drinks because she kind of freaks smoking. I smoke because I love my liver and brain cells.
At the time it was perfectly normal, since of course it was all I knew. Now I know what normal means to most people. It was just a fucked up childhood, lots of people have fucked up childhoods, for many different reasons. There are cults all around you right now, the thing is, most of them try to blend in. They act normal in public, and you'd never know what messed up lives they have behind closed doors. They don't want be found out. Just like anybody keeping a secret, and kind of like many stoners. Pay no attention to the bloodshot eyes! LOL It wasn't devilworship or sacrifices of human or animals or anything that fucked up. It was more like a bunch of people who thought they were very special. They wore special clothes and women were second class citizens. I'm just glad I wised up. I never heard of feminism until high school. LOL. I prefer equalism, let's all smoke bowls until we're equally stoned.
Yeah. That sucks. Not cool at all. It frustrates me. Sounds like they missed the whole point. We ARE all equal (and all equally SCREWED UP, btw). Anyway I do wish you the best. Putting this aside, we would probably get along well. -peace