Theres something about me...something weird. I've always thought I was normal, yet in the back of my head I kinda had a feeling that somethings aren't right. I used to have these "intuitions" when i was a child. I could "feel" things, bad things. Things little kids shouldn't be feeling. Kinda like I could feel that someone was in trouble. My parents even told stories about me walking into their room. One instance was I walked in their room and just stood at the foot of their bed, my mom woke up and asked me what was wrong. All I said was something bad was gonna happen, I didn't know what, but something bad. Something did end up happening but my parents never really told me and I was so young. Thats all passed now, but now I have these different....senses, idk what the hell to call them but i am sure no one else feels these things. Pretty sure I'm bi-polar. One day I'll be happy, making jokes, just being a happy guy. I'l clean the house, go skateboard for a few hours, watch some tv. Have a really good day. Then the next day, something small like an insult or even nothing at all, just thinking about my self-esteem level and I'll be the most depressed person ever. I'm in a mood like that right now. Something told me that friends are worthless, and that theres a reason why I don't have any. Right now, when I go to class, I make no eye contact with people or talk to any people I know. People will say hi, and I'l just glare at them not wanting to say anything. I'm getting in trouble a lot too, with family and professors. Getting kicked out of a lot of classes and I'm not motivated to graduate. It seems all pointless to me, which isn't like me at all. I can read people...really well. To the point where I can feel their pain and their depression. My pregnant sister was sad one night, because the father of her baby wouldn't come to our sister's dinner party. She was sad, mopey, really really depressed about him not being there. I couldn't look at her, especially in her eyes. Like instead of her, it was me that wanted him there. I had to leave the room to regain control of myself. I can't stand seeing people in pain, because I feel exactly what they feel and it hurts too much. The weirdest part of me is when I become sensitive to sounds and my own thoughts. It's so hard to explain because it doesn't make sense. Sounds bother me, my thoughts take don't seem like they belong to me. Like they're someone else's, yet I know i'm thinking them. Like I want it all to stop, as if their is a busy train station in my head.... but i'm not hearing any noises. Thats the best description I can make. It doesn't make any sense to me. These things don't happen when I'm high, and i'm not taking any medication...but maybe I should be. I need help.
If I am reading this right, you are an extremely sensitive person who feels the pain of others which in fact will effect your mind. Chemicals get out of whack easy and weed smokers get worse sometimes using it. It feels better (kinda like alcohol) and you think you are better but you are really not. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive. However, you will feel the weight of the world if you don't get some help to get a grip on it. As for being bi-polar, rapid cycling can happen. For this, there are meds. Most of the time meds short term correct most problems, but some have to take it for life. I would go to a Doc and tell him how you feel. Chemicals in your head out of whack can really do freaky stuff to you. Also, stop the weed for a month and see if you get better. Some peoples minds don't mesh well with this medication/drug and just can't do it no matter how much fun it is for them. Even some Medical patients can't tolerate it and they are stuck on man made stuff. PM me if you need someone to talk to anytime ok?
Sounds a bit like me... About your childhood, sounds like your having instances of ESP, it's normal, and It happens to me and everyone (usually) from time to time. And about your last paragraph also sounds like me. Sometimes it's like my thoughts control over my physical body. Like there is someone/something else in my mind. Sometimes I cath my self talking in 3rd person (only in my mind, though )... And this "someone" makes me think of things I don't want to, like 2 girls, 1 cup. His name is Arnack, actually.. rofl. He made my watch 2 Girls 1 Cup over and over and over in my mind. It was sick.. weird though. lol
I was the same way, until I got to the point where I'd rather make people happy than to see them sad. Wake up the next day knowing I did something good, so I don't stress out over anything.