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I'm not sure if this is paranoia or just being dysfunctional

Discussion in 'Apprentice Marijuana Consumption' started by Ron, Feb 19, 2009.

  1. Ive been smoking for about a 15 months and I've noticed that my tolerance is very low compared to everyone. I take long breaks in between as well.

    Any way, it seems that every time I smoke now, I get paranoia and feel dysfunctional. I become almost the creep because when I'm high I suppose I perceive myself a lot and I look at how differently everyone treats me and I get even more negative. One of my friends last night, started laughing in a strange way and I instantly thought he was talking about me. Then 20 minutes later, he said, "Oh please talk to me." in that same voice and I got it right away, he was making fun of me for being eager, and reaction seeking.

    This is not how I am when I'm sober... And when this happens it sucks because I feel like I have to apologize to everyone there the next day. I didn't this time cause now it just sounds pathetic but idk what else to do. It's like my feelings get all out of shape.

    Is there anyone else who has had this problem, who has cured it without having to stop smoking? Because I had this problem before and I took a break for about 1 or 2 months. I know the best solution would probably be to stop smoking pot, but if I can just control my high, I would be happy. I found out, I can better control it if I smoke less because of my low tolerance. Yesterday I smoked 1/3 of a spliff and I was fucked. :(
  2. #2 tokin', Feb 19, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2009
    Sounds like you are concentrating to much on someone...this used to happen to me when i would go to parties with people, i would just sit on the couch and observe everyone actions/tones. Just try not to think about it a lot focus on the conversations

    I hope this helped :smoke:

    edit: also when I first started smoking I wasn't able to control my high until I got busted and was forced to quit for about 5 months then when I went back to smoking I was able to control my high more..dunno why
  3. Maybe whenever you smoke you should just try to get buzzed. You said you had a low tolerance, so maybe try taking just a hit or two. Once you feel like you can control smaller doses, start smoking more.

    At least you know that it's the marijuana that does it... Every time you smoke just try to remember that you just get paranoid sometimes, and that people really aren't laughing or making fun of you.

    Good luck man.
  4. Thank you for the comments guys. I think next time I smoke or buy a dime, I'll just make a spliff with just a pinch of mids. I remember a few times I smoked a small bowl pack with a friend when getting off the train, and I came to my dorm room very happy, and no one could bother me. I felt very happy and very much in control.

    Once I get used to low doses, I'll up it a little bit. Maybe I can smoke blunts with friends again without becoming the antisocial mess. :)
  5. Sounds like a good plan. Hope you can get everything handled including your friends messin around with ya. :smoking:
  6. #6 Ron, Mar 14, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2009
    So I found out what my problem is. The following may seem like bitching but it does have a point.

    Yesterday, Spring Break for my college finally started and I was going to a party that night. To celebrate and to get into a better mood, my friends and I decided to get high. I took 3 hits of a bowl pack and I felt a little high and normally that means in the next 10 min, I will feel much higher, so I stopped smoking. My friends were upset and again I explained to them I feel really insecure when I'm stoned and I get sad and feel like shit.

    Turns out, I got those exact emotions for the next 5 hours and nothing my mutual friends, who I have known for a long time, did could cheer me up. We talked in my friends room, I barely said a word and could not relate or concentrate on the conversation. I inadvertently insulted my friend's Christopher Walken impression by comparing it to Count Chocula when I just as easily could have shut the fuck up. There was a lot of good music playing but nothing seemed to flip my switch so I had the idea to go out and play Frisbee so we did. I couldn't catch it at all, but threw it accurately, and felt my energy completely drained.

    After being a complete pathetic pussy, eating at mcdonalds, helping my dad get inside the locked house, I decided not to go to the party and went home to fall asleep.

    The above bitching and complaining does have a point.

    Today, I woke up and looked back on the events of yesterday and realized that I've been fooling my friends and others I have met by putting on a mask. I would mask how I really felt about everything and would just be happy. It would be as if I was on prozak all the time and would generally smile, converse, and try to have a good time. Underneath that mask I was the kid inside crying because of a shitty life and worrying about things like dying alone.

    My point is for all the people who feel like when they get high they feel insecure and sad. I feel like pot takes off the mask and forces you to show you as who you really are. If you're naturally a happy person and have great things going for you or if you're free spirited, you will have a great time. If you're like me (I hope not), you will have a shitty insecure time and you will wonder why you paid to get in this condition.

    This person actually said it pretty well.
    and no lol I didn't post that or that question on yahoo answers.

    I'm done bitching. I need to fix my life before I get high again. I don't know how long it will take, but I will try. I don't want to look back on my life 20 years from now and cry. I don't want to be that guy. So no smoking pot for quite a while. I hope this post will help someone else out in my position.
  7. That made me laugh out loud. If I were there when you said that, and high, I would have had a mad laugh attack.

    Really good last post, BTW. It seems like you've figured stuff out for yourself, always the best way.

    I always find truth in these words of Bob Marley:

    "Smoking the herb reveals you to yourself"

    You have experienced that very thing yourself. The thing is, you didn't like the way you were being.

    Now don't sweat it though. It's not like you're going to be that way forever, as long as you desire to change yourself. All people have personalities, but they can be changed at any time. Most people inadvertenly change them due to life experiences, etc.. Well, here's one of your life experiences and an opportunity to change a part of your personality to your likings.

    I don't know whether it would be easier to go through this change by taking a T-Break, or by continuing to smoke and see the way you can change, and your progress. If you tell your friends ahead of time something along the lines of what you're doing, and ask them to please not fuck with you while you're high, then I think you would be able to get to where you want.

    Either way, post back up when you decide to smoke again. Post an update every now and then. :wave:

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