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I'm Not Invincible Anymore....

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by The Botanist, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. For the past two years i've been trying to numb myself of emotion. I've been largely successful. With the absence of depression, anger, happiness and sexual tension my mind has been in a state of rest.

    It felt great. Living my life in a state of trance, not having to think or feel really was ecstasy, for me at least. But as of a week ago, everything has come back. Depression and anxiety has hit me like a train. I feel proud for overcoming some walls in my life but this one just seems too tall.

    You know that feeling of guilt, and how it weighs heavy on your heart? That's what i feel but i'm not guilty of anything. I lead a very moral life and this brings me comfort. Not enough unfortunately. I've been using weed as a crutch and now my supply has run out.

    Blades, what the fuck do I do?
  2. How often do you exercise?
  3. How can you just let go? I think breaking the bond between me and my ego would require the use of a strong psychedelic like DMT.

    Once every 2 days. One day for work out and the next to eat. Strength work out, not cardio.
  4. Love and happiness should always be present in your life trust me. Living a life with no emotions may sound good at first but it isn't in the long run. i tried lived this way for almost 6 years and looking back on those years i missed a lot.
  5. Get more weed.
  6. Well i hate this reasonably happy one day and then i want blow myself away the next. I don't think i'd miss out on much.

    I'm on it. My sprouts are coming up and forming leaves. I need some blue lights because the redder lights make them too spindly for my liking.
  7. You grow? You lucky son of a ... :D
    Good for you man.


    On a more serious note, if you got your supply of weed, what's the problem man?

    Why can't you overcome the 'wall' that you regard so highly of?

    I mean, you seem to have unlimited supply of weed... so what's the problem?

  8. Dont break the bond between yourself and your ego thats not the solution you're looking for

    what you're looking for is basically already there for you, and its just waiting...all you should really do is go on and attempt to feel relaxed...over happy,sad,anxious, or anything else

    no matter how slow or quick this causes you to should just attempt to chill out for awhile or as long as possible

    its like meditating without having to completely sit still and reflect

    but just take some time to chill out and im sure some good ideas can come to you

    im not fully aware of your situation though so if this isnt possible or wont help sorry man

    good luck tho
  9. sounds like you just bottled everything up and it finally exploded...

  10. Great post Pezz. Where you been man? You took a little vacation lol

    - peace, joy, love, and light
  11. talk to a psychologist
  12. I'd rather not.

    Could possibly be the problem.

    I will try, thank you.

    It's a slow process. My seeds just germinated like 5 days ago. So i still pretty much got 3 months to go. I might try the scrog method for the first 3 plants. First time growin so i'm pretty excited.
  13. #14 GGrass, Jan 28, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2011

    THREE months?? That is too long!

    I hope your wall isn't TOO high or else you might go nuts before three months...

    Consider 'buying' some while you wait?
  14. I haven't got much money. I want to give it three months because i need to conserve seeds. I want to get a few ounces of seedless bud (more potent) and then i will focus on picking the best plants for making me some seeds. You'd be surprised how long 1 ounce can last me let alone 3. I might have to share with the fam though you know?

    These bag seeds are so inconsistent. I have maybe a 30% germination rate but the ones that do sprout seem healthy.

    I guess i just need a hobby to take my mind off of life.

    btw, what do you think is the best method(s) for maximizing yield? Keep in mind i can't afford HPS and MH lights.....yet
  15. Um...... Plenty of sunshine and lots of water?

    I don't know man... I don't know jack shit about growing... never tried.

    But I think you need to give it plenty of love and lots of care. That's for sure.
  16. You never tried?? Jeez it's like having a kid. You feel so protective, or at least i do...

  17. I'll bet it feels good...

    But I have a wife... and real children... so...


    added : My wife will KILL me if I did that... for sure.
  18. She does know that weed is almost good for you right? I don't know what i'd do if my gf didn't smoke...
  19. I think I know what you mean by this. I'm a pretty cynical person, but some days when I'm feeling pretty good about things, I'll think about how pointless everything seems which causes me to fill up with anxiety. I'll be sitting down and this thought will pop in my mind and I'll fill up with anxiety and I feel like I'm going to explode or freak out. It sucks. Is this what you mean?

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