I'm mentally exhausted

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by monkbigdong, Sep 25, 2019.

  1. #1 monkbigdong, Sep 25, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019
    Hey, people call me "Alabaicho" and I'm 22 years old. I learned english by watching youtube videos and listening to podcasts so I hope this is easy to read for you. At first I was ashamed to share my situation but I don't think shame helps to anyone anymore. My father and mother were born in Bulgaria but they migrated in Turkey at 1989 forced Bulgarian migration. After couple years of living there they broke up and half of my family stayed in Turkey and other half in Bulgaria(I was around 8yo). I grew up in Turkey with single hardworking mom who always loved me and my sister wholeheartedly and tried her best all the time. She's a angel of a woman who is retired and still working to help my sister finish collague. She was also living through serious degree of social anxiety since the time they broke up, which I never came to understand till last year I got it myself. Anyway. After finishing highschool and working for couple of years in Turkey, last year I finally decided to move in Bulgaria because of Turkey's current economic situation. I also tought it was good idea to spend some time with my father while I still could. Moved out with minimal amount of savings. My plans were staying with my father and working 9 to 5 so I could pay only my own monthly expenses while saving money for future business ideas that I was thinking on.

    Before going deep into my situation.. Please don't think I'm complaining about my family or the choices they have made. I'm not a person who likes complaining let alone doing it online. And I know there is alot of people who is in much worse situations but this is the worst I've been. I never expected help from anyone and I always tought real success was the one that I achieved myself.

    When I moved into Bulgaria what I came to find out was my father being 65 year old alcoholic who is just a step away from being a homeless person. Currently living in single room apartment that needs serious repair and stated at somewhat dangerous neighborhood. With people checking if the door is locked(literally trying to open the door) and knocking at the door almost every night. Even though I fully learned the Bulgarian language in less than a year, highest monthly paycheck I could earn in Bulgaria as a 22 year old unexperienced worker was just 1000leva's (500$). And this amount is for 7 days a week, 12 hours a day worktime. You can see that's the norm by doing a quick search on Bulgarian job finding websites. So its more money compared to Turkey but working and living conditions are much much worse. It's easily observable that whole country is openly being runned by power of money and illegal activities and those who don't participate in that counted as "weak" and forced to stay as low-class people.

    I have Bulgarian citizenship because of my father and mother, which means I can move to any country that's in European Union. I want to move out from here so I can start a life thats worth to live. Maybe to Germany, UK or Netherlands. Hard to plan ahead when you struggle to live today.

    All I want to do is get the fuck out of here and work but I know I couldn't handle moving without savings again, especially to somewhere I know nobody in. If you have been in similar situation please give me some advice because I'm mentally exhausted, and I can't think right.
     
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  2. I would get with a church. I bet he’s catholic coming from Bulgaria. The catholic’s love to help.

    Good luck
     
  3. #3 monkbigdong, Sep 25, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2019
    Currently in Bulgaria word "love" is being laughed at. Whole country is like a giant comedy sketch about materialism. Help does not exist unless they see that you gonna help them back with more the next time.
     
  4. Sounds about right, it’s all over Europe.
     
  5. I’m sorry. You must fight for freedom, or suffer as you are.

    Perhaps you can live a more frugal life and be happy.
     
  6. #6 monkbigdong, Sep 26, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019
    I don't wanna go back to my old ways of fighting, that's why its taking longer for me to figure it out.

    And no I wouldn't do that. If that was how I ment to live my life, I would already be happy in my situation. You can't force yourself to be happy with something. Minimalist living is something you should look for, but if you choose to live frugal that means you are just making believe you are happy while actually being scared of change.
     
  7. Happiness is just a state of mind. You can accept how things are or you can be angry about them.

    Acceptance doesn’t mean you will not change, always be willing to change.

    Be like water, my friend. As jet lee said.
     
  8. #8 monkbigdong, Sep 26, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019
    I didn't say that I'm pulling my hair or anything. I obviously accepted it to some degree, otherwise I would be mugging people, selling dope or stealing. Instead I decided to develope myself mentally and physically while looking for opportunities. Before moving out here I didn't know anything about mindfulness, nor I was as strong physically. Because now I have reason to stay mindful otherwise I would go crazy, and I have reason to be in shape otherwise I would get robbed or maybe killed. Its not just a teary forum post, it's actually a no joke place.
     
  9. #9 jay719, Sep 27, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2019
    What about working with a humanitarian organization? Here we have organizations that will pay you, although not much, give you board and food if you agree to work with them for a period of time. Join something like that and find one that has opportunities in another country within the EU. Once there save every penny you have and in your spare time look for a permanent job. Frugal living does suck for some but it is worth it if the change you are making is one that results in happiness.

    This doesn't look bad, free food, housing and training
    European Solidarity Corps
     
  10. Checked it, Bulgaria is not involved in the thing. Didn't expect it to be either. Cool stuff though.
     
  11. #11 monkbigdong, Sep 27, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2019
    I decided to create a fundraiser for myself. Yeah it sounds awkward. It's basically for the plain ticket and two months worth of living expenses for when I'm there looking for a job. Like; rent, food and transport. GoFundme is not allowed in Bulgaria so It's on "GoGetFunding" instead. Sad part is, they don't publicly show your fundraiser until you get the first 100$ of the donation by using the fundraiser link only. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post it in here.
     
  12. Very Good English for a migrent learning of You Tube...?

    I know about 2 million guys like yourself and a few Mexicans too

    get a job save the cash stay outta europe ...you are too late

    no jobs left

    good luck
     
  13. #13 monkbigdong, Sep 27, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2019
    Hey buddy. Its hard to believe you know 2 million people, and they are all in my situation? Are you sure your intent is good? If someone is broke in United States then they are just lazy. So please don't make comparisons that doesn't make sense. I don't know what made you think that I don't have a job but I never stopped working since I came here. You can't save cash if your paycheck barely pays your monthly expenses. And I can't stay outta europe because I can only travel to european countries without visa.
     
  14. I believe the English words are spelled migrant and off
     
  15. He was probably trying to spell wrong to back up his point, which is I shouldn't be able to learn English from internet. It's okay though.
     

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