This might be the wrong section but I don't know where else to put this in order to get some honest feedback. I think I am actually going insane, I feel psychotic. I am detached from my body, time floats by, I am practically bipolar (different person completely when I am home and when I'm not) and I am beginning to simply feel nothing. Recently, I hear ringing in my ears and I have intense feelings of guilt and remorse and then I become bitter with angst, which is normally toward myself. I have short bursts, bursts like this, where I am in complete and utter shock for hours at a time. Shock in the sense that I am scared beyond comprehension, my mind feels as if it is eating itself. I don't know when this really began, but I am having issues making sense of my thoughts. Socially, I am a wreck. I almost feared posting this because I didn't wish somebody to seek me out and attempt to help me. I avoid social encounters and I enjoy spending time on my own more so than being around friends. I feel as though none of my friends experience life the way I do, if that somewhat makes sense. It seems as though I function better on my own, although I feel as though I need a companion. I need somebody just one person, somebody to care about and share my life with. Not even a partner necessarily, just somebody I am close with. I can not say with truth that I have anybody of that sort. Maybe this is karma, paying back for the things I have done wrong. Not that I have done anything notably bad, but I am constantly feeling guilt for something. One of the few things that still comforts me is also terrifying in itself; I often think of what the reaction would be to a suicide, and I have considered it multiple times. What might people say, what praise would they hold to me, and it comforts me. I have concluded that I don't wish to be dead, only to feel as if I am cared for, to feel as though I matter to somebody. Because thats what we all deserve, correct? To be cared for? Perhaps I have kept my emotions to bottled up. I need to stop. This is getting serious guys. I can only sum things up by saying I feel like a lunatic, an outcast. At what point is somebody declared psychotic?
Smoke some weed. Psychotic symptoms may include: •Disorganized thought and speech •False beliefs that are not based in reality (delusions), especially unfounded fear or suspicion •Hearing, seeing, or feeling things that are not there (hallucinations) •Thoughts that "jump" between unrelated topics (disordered thinking)
Join the club bro, feeling like this is pretty common, it's just how you deal with it that decides the outcome. Also, sounds you like suffer from racing thoughts, try just slowing down, like meditating or something. If I don't meditate for like at least an hour each day I begin to start down that downwards spiral back to basically how you're feeling. I need that time to organize and sort my thoughts. It's become something of a ritual now. Smoke some nice fat bowls, turn some nice soothing music on, my taste is slow trance and stuff with deep smooth beats. It lets me slow down and sort out my thoughts without losing track of what I'm thinking about all the time. This ties into that detached feeling that you're describing because when I was a disorganized mess, I felt the exact same way. Time just melted away and I felt detached from reality. But when I started meditating and trying to "slow down" I started to become more and more grounded, and time seemed to resume its usual pace again. Sorry for wall of text xD
I hear ringing in my ears too sometimes, so Idk If trees don't help then just wait it out man, you said you aren't gonna kill yourself so go outside, breathe in the aura of nature, take a deep breath and feel GLAD that you're ALIVE.
If you stop questioning your sanity, then it's time to worry. If you want someone to talk to, you can always message me.
dood I think you have manic depression. I used to have that, but after I reduced the stresses in my life by living much healthier, it went away. I also tried to get far away from my ego, which has caused great messes of things in the past. Just chill out and try to eliminate all sensations of worry or guilt, regardless of how bad you want to feel them. That feeling of you eating your own brain is the manic depression at work. You're worried now because it's a ridiculous amount of pressure to take in, but it will subside if you learn to realize the present moment. Like, right now as you're reading this. Just think in simple terms about your situation without any emotions and decide for yourself what you should do. I can automatically rule out suicide, because I know you don't really want to do that. Let me know if that worked at all. Also, go buy a good multivitamin and take one on a daily basis. It makes a world of difference throughout the day.
[quote name='"Gitindizzi"']Smoke some weed. Psychotic symptoms may include: •Disorganized thought and speech •False beliefs that are not based in reality (delusions), especially unfounded fear or suspicion •Hearing, seeing, or feeling things that are not there (hallucinations) •Thoughts that "jump" between unrelated topics (disordered thinking)[/quote] It's official then...I too am a psycho.
So I get the 21st and ascension starts on that day blah blah but run me on the details from 21st onwards I have a friend who believes it, personally I'll just see what happens
I appreciate that, thank you I have way too many of those symptoms and I don't know what it means at all. Smoking weed is honestly the one thing that helps me feel more in tune. I have pretty much all those symptoms and more sometimes... great. I think psychotic people are just really sad smart people, sometimes. But definitely, we can all be slightly insane. I am much more stable than I was yesterday when posting this, but still quite confused. I'm getting frustrated with my failure to communicate. I can think of the most perfectly structured papers and paragraphs and sentences and poems and when continuing to write them down I come up short. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was always a perfectionist in writing and arts. Oh well, I appreciate all your kind words. Thanks for all your feedback EDIT: Actually, going on a walk outside feels pretty good. I went on a walk last week and just started doing really random things that I never thought I would have, like climbing up walls and trying to run through hills for no actual reason. Felt like a loon, but it was fulfilling. Anybody ever done something similar?
You sound like me dude. I used to be a care free kid. Not necessarily happy and bursting with energy but I was never bothered by my mind. Then some things changed in my life and around the same time I started smoking herb. I started questioning reality and life started to seem like a dream. It wasn't a negative feeling at first but it developed into this empty feeling that life is just an absurd meaningless mess and I couldn't make sense of it. I can't recommend meditation enough. Separate yourself from your emotions and realise they aren't even real. They can't hurt you so just notice them as they come and let them pass and fade like a cloud on a clear sky. Bad emotions are just a playback of all the bad shit that's happened to you. They accumulate in your mind and feed on you dwelling on them and play on repeat until the noise becomes unbearable. Every time you entertain that line of thoughts it's like turning up the volume. Eckhart Tolle calls it as the 'pain body'. He describes it as an entity, separate from you, struggling to survive like a parasite. It attacks the mind of its host and creates thoughts that aren't yours. They can only survive if you chose to follow that line of thought. You are not your mind. Emotions aren't real. All there is is NOW and it's completely void of emotions and thought. What happened in the past is no longer so dwelling on it only causes a storm in your mind. The future hasn't happened yet so it doesn't exist. Accept what IS as if you chose it, make it your ally and your mind will be silent and serene.
HOLY SHIT OP. I think you and me are the same exact person. You described everything down to a T -- the alienation, the bipolar mentality, the different feelings when at home and when in public, and I have thought of how suicide would be and how it would affect others who care for me (especially my family). I didn't mean to "like" what you're feeling, but to say that I'm right here with you and I'm in a very, VERY important time of my life. If you want to talk more, PM me.
In that acsension article,and others, it said that going outside and being with nature is a good way to stay grounded.:
We are all going through this!!! There's nothing to be afraid of! It should be exciting!!! It's an exciting time to be living in right now! Don't worry. Love and joy man! Love and joy! That's all you need to think about!
He'd tell me I have issues. I would tell him I know that. He would prescribe me with drugs to fix the issue. Things would get worse. Thanks man this post helped clear some things up. I have meditated quite a lot and I generally feel better afterwards, but I need to start astral projection. I feel like astral projection is what I really need to start doing. Also, I honestly think Cannabis is why I started going insane. Not because pot is bad or anything, but because it opened my eyes to how fucked up people are and cleaned my perception to all that surrounds me. Basically, it enlightened me, and if it weren't for the fucked up people around me, I would be fine. Of course, somebody will use that to make pot look bad. Yea man its crazy, right? Terrifying, honestly. I find I have a lot in common with people who all turn out to be very interesting and very intelligent. I have an issue with loneliness, but its like I alienated myself. I have nobody to talk to, I share my real feelings with absolutely nobody, but I'm not sure why. I can't tell if I'm afraid, or if I feel too smart for them, or if I just don't like them, but I know that I need somebody. I felt alone in the sense that nobody connects with me, and you guys made me feel a little bit better about that.
It seems as if the more intelligent people deal more with this kind of solitude because their brains have the capacity to comprehend so much more all at the same time. I feel like I'm in that boat and it has done more harm than good in some regards, although I would never want to be dumber or have a smaller IQ. It's kind of a catch-22 in that regard, and I think history dictates such statements as being true. Hell, even Socrates was thought to be a horrible representation for Greece because he urged people to think independently. That's what the best parts of GC are about: many of us are in this together and we can talk about it freely and understand where every person is coming from.
I don't think youre crazy, I think you'll be just fine. I ve felt the way you're feeling for most of my life. About 8 months ago I found a technique for practicing vipassana meditation and it's been helping. It helps to realize the real you is not your mind, YOU are not your thoughts. YOU are not your emotions. Chin up, be in awe that you have the oppurtunity to feel anything at all.