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Ill Send You 100 If You Thoroughly Answer My Questions

Discussion in 'Marijuana Consumption Q&A' started by gotparanoid1, Apr 14, 2014.

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  1. #1 gotparanoid1, Apr 14, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2014
    bit of a background about myself. bullied as a kid, bullied and abused verbally/physically at home, i was always under stress. i dont know if thats just how i always was or if it was an effect of my surroundings on me. i was nervous and on edge as long as i can remember but i was also treated like shit for as long as i can remember. so i dont know if the two are connected or not. I've never had a relationship with any human being. im talking a real deep sibling like relationship. never been close with family even though i spent alot of my time with them at home. never had a friend, girlfriend, anything. always pushed the world out and rejected it. this all became clear to me when i took 1/4 cheeba chew last night. I became brutally honest myself. But i also remembered that there was a time when i thought in an ego-less way where i could take in alot more of every moment if that makes sense. now i spend 100% of every waking minute thinking about myself and thinking theres something wrong with me and i need to change my body language, change the way i speak, look straight ahead, etc. like im a robot. i realized the reason i cannot communicate with life is because im pre-occupied thinking about myself and that clouds everything else. people do not see me the way i see myself etc. i realize my social phobia/anxiety stems from this. i think about myself and project my thoughts onto the world and that becomes my delusional reality.
     
    i want to change this. i read yesterday that marijuana can be beneficial in that way. is there any way to alter my thinking, separate real life and my thoughts and be constantly aware that thoughts are just thoughts? i do not want to die without forming a single relationship with someone. i want to be able to take in much more of every moment and not constantly be aware of myself. all i know is marijuana takes me to that place. how can it be used to alter my thinking while sober? Will high meditation have any effect on sober thinking?
     
    also i was pretty prone to having negative thoughts because i was alone and pretty much think negatively all the time
     
    i have to go now. ill come back in a bit and add some more to this post
     
    edit ok im back
     
    some more things i should mention. I want to be as honest as possible becuase i dont remember a time when i was ever honest. feels like ill be laughed at if i ever tell somebody whats going on me. i feel fucking worthless and i feel like i have to catch up to people. i feel like im worse than everybodya nd to compensate for that i try to be better than everybody and pretty much made that my goal. so marijuana shwoed me that that is a pathetic way to live so now its an even bigger war in my head... conflicted about what to think about but i just cant let go of wanting to prove myself and be better than people. i realized i come off as a smug motherfucker to people and its no wonder people dont want to have anything to do with me. I have a delusional belief that ill someday snap out of this method of thinking and be "cured". i recently had a near death experience ina  motorcycle crash and i went to that egoless place for a few minutes afterwards but my old asshole self came back. it gives me comfort to know that its possible to access that feeling naturaly and not exclusively marijuana-induced. also, i feel like i stopped experiencing life at a young age because i act like a child trying to catch up to the "grown-ups". like there was some point in my childhood where i became adamant on pushing the world away and lived in my own mental fantasy world. I cant remember if there was a single traumatic event that took place and is buried inside me. im not sure if this is relevent, but my father told me that i was put on zoloft or something like that around 3 or 4 years old cause we saw a bear in the woods and everybody freaked out and my mother put me on pills to calm down.
     
    please help me out guys. anybody whos been in a similar situation please give me advice.
     
    if anything else obvious about myself comes to mind ill re-edit this post. like i said my situation isnt entirely obvious to me. it only appears obvious when i get high.

     
  2. #2 JurBoiPaj, Apr 14, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2014
    I can relate to you very well. I wouldn't use marijuana to help with those problems tbh. I use it to help with my depression and it's become a bad crutch for me. Trust me I havn't had the most friends in my life or been very social, never had a girlfriend, never really had the greatest friends, but it's important to just love yourself. If you love yourself and realize your self worth, your positive energy will radiate and other people will notice and be attracted by it. I would suggest maybe seeing a therapist or something of that sort? FIgure out your hobbies and find other people interested in the same thing. Confidence and positivity are key. I think high meditation will help to focus on the meditation a little better, but meditation high or sober will be very beneficial, at least it has been in my experiences.
     
  3. #3 fatcuz1234, Apr 14, 2014
    I have clinical depresssion and I find weed really helps me clear out my thoughts. Have you ever been diagnosed for social anxiety?
     
  4. #4 Juan Hitter Quitter, Apr 14, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2014
    it's my crutch, my friend, my morning afternoon & night, the sun the moon the stars, the end all the be all, the cinnamon life, the frosted mini wheats, the new nbc must see thursday, old school cartoon network, older school nickelodeon where I can't do that on television
     
    yahmeanson?
     
    wheres my c-note, g
     
  5. #5 pdr1030, Apr 14, 2014
    Go to a concert and take ecstasy and let the love come to your soul 😊
     
  6. #6 dirtydingusus, Apr 14, 2014
    First i don't want you to send me anything.... I'm not looking for your 100$....
    I am interested in this thread because i also spend alot of time bymyself...... always kinda have.... often when people have tried to get close....i end up pushing them away for one reason or the next.... now i started smoking with the babysitter.... and been doing so all along.... yet most of the time i am alright with myself... i can't say i have never been bullied.... i can't say i have been close to much of my family..... my sister... and my now dead grandmother... other than that..... not much.... a few friends along the way.... yet this life has a way of keeping me on my own.... seriously tho.... you found the right place to get some interaction.....
     
  7. #7 norml56, Apr 14, 2014
    Going to cost you 100$ an Hour for that answer.
     
  8. #8 ChangeWeedLaws, Apr 14, 2014
    Smoking too much can make you more socially anxious. A hit or two usually does loosen me up a bit though.
     
    You have social anxiety. You can't depend on weed or any other drugs to cure it. Even if you get prescribed a drug that works in the short term you'll just get addicted. You'll need it to perform socially or be "normal" and your life will revolve around having it. Instead you need to just change your actions.
     
    You can train yourself to be more personable. Just practice 24/7. Practice getting along with people everywhere you go. Be nice, forward, and be yourself. If they don't like you then move on. But you'll make a lot of friends and become more personable overtime. Eventually you will just have a "natural" attitude and not care what people think. It takes time but its worth it.
     
  9. #9 JurBoiPaj, Apr 14, 2014
    Wheres my $100
     
  10. #10 SantiagoDunbar420, Apr 14, 2014
    I used to be like that. Then I stopped giving a fuck. That's all it takes. Once you realize that at the end of the day, you're dead and it doesn't matter heads or tails what happened while you were alive, you stop caring about all the stupid shit that made you so anxious before. You're here on this earth right now, and every decision you make should be oriented solely based on whether it will make you happy. Maybe making connections with other people will make you happy; maybe you'll realize that you only want to be connected to people because that's what society dictates is normal and be happy the way you are. Either way, your future is in your hands, and you're the only one who can make a difference. Good luck. 
     
  11. #11 heehee420, Apr 14, 2014
    I feel for you man I have some similar struggles. Keep your head up
     
  12. #12 morningsteve, Apr 14, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2014
    ... Do some traveling overseas. See the world, get out of your house. Learn about the world and other people. Then if it all still really sucks for you, then smoke some weed and realize all you got is all you'll ever going to have. I spent half my life alone. But I still did stuff
    for myself. Smoking just made me feel warm and cozy inside. But it didnt fix any problems. Ive been smoking for 46 years.
     
  13. #13 Nothern Lights, Apr 14, 2014
    no hundra dollas?
     
  14. #14 dablife247, Apr 14, 2014
    Tbh your story seems to be a lot like my life so far but when i started smoking a lot of shit changed. When i started smoking, i started to have a set group of friends that like me for who i was. It is easy to get to know someones true self if you smoke with them. As of now, pretty much all of my friends i have met through weed, may it be a dealer turned friend or some people that i met that smoke. I personally think that weed has helped me meet many people and honestly i would not know how i would have ended up if i didnt. Im glad that i started smoking it changed a lot for me and maybe it will change a lot of things about you also, but its pretty much all about how much you put into it. If you really do enjoy getting high, go to concerts where huge weed smoking artists are playing, ive personally met 3 of my good friends this way, and its also a great way to get out of the house and socialize. Weed is cool but again its not gunna change your life all by itself.
     
  15. #15 TheDoors, Apr 14, 2014
    Oh yeah it's definitely a crutch for me as well. As a kid and early teen I really had no social interaction for years unless a teacher talked to me, I became the same way questioning what was wrong with me that I was this way. So instead I kind of built up a fake life, fake friends, fake girlfriend. But Mary Jane always has me remember what's real.


    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
     
  16. #16 the_tobzster, Apr 14, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2014
    Yep like another guy posted before, get out, travel and see as much of the world as possible. For me, that helps me understand just how beautiful this world really is and what really matters in life, instead of all those material things that society tells you is important. It will help you mature and grow as a person and you will always have something interesting to say in a social situation.
     
    Also talking about changing your ego and the way you think, there are some certain substances that can do that for you, but I can't talk about it on here, sorry.
     
  17. #17 Bleeze, Apr 14, 2014
    Just one....question.......why the hell.........do you type like this????
    Sent from my GT-I9000 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
  18. #18 dirtydingusus, Apr 14, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2014
    just the way it comes out......
     
    is better then how it once was.....before i learned to use the spellchecker.......
    i never passed an English class in my life...... spelling and grammar just dont agree with my neuroprocesses...... (got more than a few issues in that dept.... http://forum.grasscity.com/general/437616-brain-sergery-not-rockit-sceince.html )
    used to just type away with no type of punctuation whatsoever...... just one lone group of words......this is likely easier to read...
     
  19. #19 budBaas, Apr 14, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2014
    I think you should cut down on smoking if you want to get better. I was just like you about year ago, and I thought weed would help me get out of my social anxiety, so I would smoke shit tons of it thinking it would help when all it did was the exact opposite, I became even more socially awkward and isolated from others and more tense as well.
     
    During that time I was smoking pretty heavily throughout the day, and would never wanna go anywhere/do anything becuase of it. I would always stay home, work on music, play videogames or watch basketball. And doing this almost everyday, along with little communication with others becuase of my social anixiety, and a bunch of other problems going on at the time, mentally and physically, my social anxiety was at an all time high. 
     
    Now I usually once smoke once or twice and only in the early mornings, when I know I dont have to do anything or go anywhere. This allowed me to be sober throughout the rest of the day, and I was much better at socializing, thinking, and looking at life in a more positive way becuase I was going out all the time, doing things, going places, get getting out more and experiencing the world.
    So dont make the same mistake I did and go all out, smoke, but not like a chimney, if you want to get better. :smoke:
     
  20. #20 Delightfully High, Apr 14, 2014
    Trying to lure us in with promises of a cash reward and you only have one post. Nope I'm staying out of this one. Next time just ask for the advice and I'll be more than happy to provide you with some.
     
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