To cut a long story short, my mum has been battling with severe bi polar (otherwise known as manic depression) for the last ten years now. She has always been such a beautiful, loving person but this is a devastating illness that has torn both her and our family apart. I love her to death and no matter what me and my family have been through, she was the most supportive and non judgmental person I have ever met in my life. We have been through more than I could possibly explain in one post as a family, and she has lived with guilt and remorse that no human being, let alone one anywhere near as good and as loving as her, deserves to live with. Four weeks ago on Friday she decided to end it. She called my dad before she did it and he got there just in time to stop her dying outright. She was kept in intensive care in the Queen Elizabeth Hospital (a magnificent high tech facility designed to support our brave British heroes injured in war) for the past month but didn't respond to any of the treatment they tried. Yesterday my Mum's condition rapidly detereorated and my dad called me up saying I need to come home. I live in a city 100 miles from my family and when I heard him on the phone, the man who is the rock of my fucking life, crying on the phone, I knew it was bad. I knew she was going to die. He's been divorced from her for seven years but they've still stayed pretty close and this has been as hard on him as it has been on me. He watched her do what she did in the way that she did it and it must be heartbreaking for him to see his kids in this way, knowing there's virtually nothing he can do. It was my sister I felt the worst though. She's 16 and a fucking angel at that. The sweetest, most caring girl you could ever meet and if anyone threatened her well being I would kill them on the spot without a second thought. Watching her keeping it together last night for the sake of her family, despite every ounce of her wanting to break down and despair, literally broke my fucking heart and I told her she has more strength and maturity in her little finger than all of my friends combined. Although I spent a truly emotional night at the hospital last night, it was today that I truly said goodbye to my mum for the last time. I told her how I would love her forever, no matter what, and that I would do my best to always make her proud. I told her I was so sorry I couldn't save her from her illness and make everything bearable for her. I told her I was so sorry for every time I had let her down, for every time I had used my difficult childhood as an excuse to take drugs, get wasted and get into fights. For all the years I had used it as an excuse to justify my psychological addiction to cannabis (as much as the herb as been a blessing to me, I have abused the fucking shit out of it). I told her I would look after my family, especially my little sister, as best I could and that I would finish my degree this year and make her proud. I told her I would always love her and that I will meet her in heaven someday, but that I'm gonna stick around for a while first... Then I kissed her on her sunken, pallid, waxy, burnt skin for the final time. I kissed her goodbye and as the tears spilled from my eyes onto her pale flesh, I knew that was it. I remember the last time I saw her alive, truly alive and not in a coma on life support. She took me to the train station, five days before she did, so I could go back to University. I remember watching her run to the end of the platform so she could wave me goodbye right up until the last. I was sad leaving her then, but jesus fucking christ if I knew that would truly be the last time... The other night I found an email off her that she must have sent days before she did it. I've burst out crying every time I've read it and right now is no different. Here is what she said: 'Hi Joe not sure if this is your email address or not so I wont make it to long. I have got my beautiful new lap top. I ts an ASUS who make the mother boards for acer laptops plus 90%of all other LAPTOPS. iTSA BEAUTIFUL RED COLOUR AND has a very high specification.Heli had a lovely day at aber dovey with rhi AND DARCY. its a nice day here. Hope if you are working it goes well. Hope you have settled into your new home and that all is well. let me konw if you get this mail. loveyou tonnes xxxxxx' That email sums up just how I remember her, the ridicolous typos and all and when I stumbled across that unopened email for the first time the other night I felt like I'd literally been hit by a bus. Today, as me, my dad, sister, granparents, aunty and uncle sat by her death bed and made the decision to turn her life support off, a little piece of me died that I don't think I will ever get it back. It's been the most emotional 24 hours of my life and although I have barely slept in the last 3 days and am physically shattered, I am sat here wide awake on my 12th beer smoking a bud to her memory. I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart by an ice pick as someone chisels chunks out my soul. RIP Mum, I fucking love you to death and always will.
I am so, so, so, SO sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here sobbing, because your mother sounds so much like mine. I cannot imagine losing her, and I cannot imagine your pain right now. Just do you best to remember all of the happiness, and remember, she lives on in you, in your sister, and in every other life she touched. This next bowl is for her. RIP
I lost my older step brother who was my only person to look up to. He died at 27 from a brain tumor he was battling for 6 years. I was about 12 when it happened, I started drinking young, started on my 13th birthday. My point is that things get better, and the memories of the people you loose will only start to bring happiness and smiles to you when you remember them!
I'm so sorry to hear that OP, it must've been really tough for you to go through something like that... I can't imagine what it was like. Best of luck to you, keep your chin up and take on each day as it comes. If it's any consolation, my dad has severe bi-polar and he passed it onto me, so I know what it's like to deal with such an illness. Again, best of luck to you! Just remember she loved you dearly
Sorry to hear of your loss man, losing a parent is NEVER easy, hell losing anyone you love is never easy. Remember the good times and try to forget the bad. And when someone asks you if they can help, say yes and get a hug.
I'm so sorry man. God bless you and how hard it must be right now for you and your family, I couldn't imagine loosing one of my parents. Your lucky you got to tell her all of those things and most of all how you love her and sorry for the stuff you did when you were younger. Just think if you never got that stuff off your chest man. Always tell your parents you love them. R.I.P. I'm dry, but my next bowl will be for your mother and family.
So sorry, I don't know what to say... Even though it's easier to say this than actually do it, keep your head up man, if she was really sick and suffering(you didn't explain what exactly happened, I imagine you wouldn't want to, it's alright) on Earth, would you have wanted her to say or be in a better place? Again, I know this is easier to say than do, but don't fritter your life away drinking bear and smoking bud, would your mom want to see you drink and just sit there? I'm not sure if that was the right thing to say but, I hope everything goes alright and you feel better. Remember she's in a better place than we are.
My condolences are with you. I don't know why I thought this was going to be a gah-narly, smoking aces type deal.
This is the saddest thing i've heard in a long time. I'm so sorry to hear what happens but i can't relate to you but all i can say is i'm extremely sorry. Take it easy man my prayers goin your way.
Just don't let it take you down, but feel free to let the emotions out and don't let them build up. Don't drink to much beer it only sets aside the emotions for them to come back later...get them out of the way, so you can do right by your mother.
I know that we've never met before and I'm just a faceless nameless source of text on the internet. But from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry for you loss, and I hope you don't suffer from her death, but understand that she finally is in complete peace and no longer is struggeling to remain happy. I'm not sure if you are religious (not even sure if I am anymore either), but know that I am praying for your family tonight, and whether you take it as a message to the lord on your behalf, or just supportive thoughts from another person, I hope it will bring something positive to your life.
This was by far one of the saddest things I've ever read on GC. I actually teared up a bit. I will keep you, your mother, and your family in my thoughts. Next bowl is dedicated to the memory of your mother.
I kept getting chills over and over again. Good luck to you and your family. It really seemed like she was a beautiful person. I love her letter to you. Seemed like she was happy when she wrote it , thinking about you. Again good luck and my sympathies.
I can't think of any situation that could possibly be worse but any time I feel shattered the way you do because of a death divorce or any such situation I just remember that sadness can't exist without happiness and realize that sadness is just a reminder of the happiness we once felt. Things will get better
I'm so sorry You did the right thing by going home to be there. Not being able to speak your last words to a loved one brings in a lot of extra grief. You used the opportunity to do so very well, that really shows your strength. Be there for your family, but be sure to take some time on the side to work things out with yourself.