I have come to the conclusion that I will always be a fuck up so I'm just going to live up to that reputation and screw everything else. A liter of jack has not drowned my sorrows this time!! And I was almost clean a year and I broke down and did 3 oxy 80s yesterday just trying to be numb.......god, that buzz is so sweet. But I could kick myself in the ass...I was doing so damn good. Anyway.....not only did my cheating b/f leave me for a 16 yr old after he got done screwing one of my best friends. Then today, my g/f leaves me too!!! I keep waiting for my cat to run away next!!!!!!! This drunk is not a happy one......not at all!!!! I keep wondering.......I must be some ugly ass person because all the people in my life always leave me. I'm not the most beautiful person in the world....god knows I'm no supermodel but damn....No one deserves to be done like I have been. So I'm drunk and stoned and I have a bon fire of the both of my ex's things in the yard and I still don't feel any better!!! So tonight, I'm going to drink and smoke until I pass out or forget my name. At least my marijuana and alcohol never leave!!!!!!!!!
wait, wait wait....your cat is never going to leave you..well, actually i lied..NO WAIT! i didnt. cause I dont really know!! so thats not lying right? i just know...through all the shit Ive been through (Im talking, physical, mental and espeically emotional - rollercoaster type, dippin in the cowdung shit filled pits below, takin you to the cloudly crow covered cawkaw rain filled fluffy clouds above) somehow you come out covered with shit, that you still gotta deal with, but it does somehow come clearer. not at first, I mean you gotta find a way to wipe your eyes from all the fucking garbage that just dumps on you..but give it time..and give yourself time.. cause it isnt you...you are telling it straight...and only you can see how much the world does really feel when it weighs on your shoulders.
Hey babes, You can drink and smoke and what ever else you want to do and you will NOT run me off. I'll be here when you are down. I'll be here when you are up. So now you just have to find a way to get me outta your hair. I'm sending you my special karma. Be carefull with it. It has been known to put a smile on your face when you are down. If that doesn't work, let me know and i'll come up there and give it to you personally! some people are just dickheads. So enjoy the time you have to think and find out why you would want a dickhead around instead of a stud muffin!!!!!!! Love ya (((((((((((((((((((FLOWERCHILD))))))))))))))))))))))
I understand what you're going through and want to help. here's a good vibes enchantment that should help you. ~*::good vibes::*~ Just imagine a giant pink rabbit with candy and chocolate milk patting you on the head and you'll be showered with good vibes. oh, I still have my good karma amplifier set up if anyone wants to use it actually something similar has happened to me and something almost exactly like that happened to a friend of my sister's recently. it really is some shit and I understand if you need to stay comfortably numb for a few days. if you're gonna go on a bender pace yourself and drink a lot (of water). Personally a J to my self, some good music, and a book does it. good luck and please let us all know how things turn out.
Atleast you got that fucking cheating piece of shit out of your life and your free to find someone 10 times better (hmmm. I wonder what buttheads up to ) Now you can do what ever the fuck YOU want to do and just think how fucking stupid he's gonna feel when he gets done the same way, 16 year olds don't tend to settle you know p.s. your allowed to fuck up, but next time you want some oxy's, pick up your piece instead, k? love you girl, try to keep your head up.
she's right! these are people u don't want around! cheer up things will get better. i'm sending u some good karma and prayers!
Thank you everyone for your support and all the good karma you are sending my way!!!!!! For the first time in a long time, I truly need it. You all have to be the best!!!!! One of life's cruelest tricks is that one never seems to run out of tears no matter how many are shed. I know this to be true.......even my babies at work could tell something was wrong. I had a helluva hangover at work and my pain is still here. But I love you all dearly and eventually it will get better. Maybe I need to take a few days off from work and go on a road trip. And Bud Head........I would never want to run you off. I may need someone to keep me warm in bed when my cat runs away!!!!!! If only you were in wv..........LOL. KraziHare.......the wonderful enchantment karma has lightened my heart!!!!! The pink rabbit made me smile though........LOL And Zia........yes, the sunshine will eventually shine for me......I just need it sooner than its coming but your pic was beautiful!!!!!
That basically sums up everything. I'm emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted and heartbroken. And the world seems to weigh a thousand pounds at times!!!!!!!! But my morphine/valium/marijuana buzz is helping me to cope and be very mellow right now.
wow change can be a little disturbing at first and its ok to stumble from time to time fucking up is how we as humans learn best or at least it is what we are best at you will be ok and non of us are running from anybody but the cops! and thoses guys with the little whit jackets.... you will always have friends even when you have nothing elts...
FlowerChild420, I know all those feelings, and I know that its the worst thing in the world to feel. You may feel hopeless right now, but it will go away, just remember that. How old are you? When we're all adolescents or still young hearted, this kind of shit happens a lot. My best advice, is to spend some time with yourself, try and become your best friend. You gotta make yourself happy and in order to do that, you gotta be in control of your mind and its thoughts. You have to like yourself as a sober person before you like yourself as a high or intoxicated person. So if your doing the valium,weed,alky,ocycontin, etc to escape from these feelings, its just gonna become worse and worse as each day goes by. I know this is easier said then done, and you might not even be able to do it at first if you tried. But just know, that in the future, this will all one day just go away, and everything will make sense and you'll be happy, you just gotta stay strong and wait....Trust me on all this.
XxJWxX............I'm 25 but sometimes I feel like I'm about a hundred. I've seen more and been through more than most people twice my age have been. I get so angry at myself because when I'm upset, the first thing I run to are those damn pills that I worked so hard to get off of!!!! And you are right, sometimes I'm not happy with myself and sometimes I feel inadequate and those are feelings that I try to keep far back in my mind. I'm going to go and visit my best friend because she seems to always understand what I'm going through.......but I think she knows me better than I know myself. 99.9% of the time, I pride myself on being a geniunely happy person but I let things build up and I never show emotion because I was taught that to cry on someone's shoulder is a sign of weakness and women are stereotyped to be the weaker sex anyway.......so I never let people see how I'm really feeling. But right now, its all falling apart.......and I'm crying all the time!!!! I think I'm having a breakdown and thats not a joke!
dont worry darlin soon you will be free when ever we get the shit knocked out of us emotionaly or otherwise it is only so we can move to the next level you have to earn those steps up and they dont come easy you will get up again and you will notice that you are a little taller this time and a little bit more sure of your self it is how we grow
Flowerchild, I always like getting kncked down a couple of notches every once in a while. I don't get caught up in the (everything is perfect deal). That way instead of falling 10,000 feet, i only fall 10 feet. It is easier that way! Now as far as me being there?/ Well..................... when? I have a hard time getting away these days because of the kids but, there is always sooner or later!!!!!!! I'll do my best to get to you soon!!!!!!! I know I can make you smile!!!!!!
flowerchild420 i'm sending u all my best! i hope u start feelin better. i know what it's like to be in the dumps. u seem like such a caring person. things will turn around. look what u do. your nurse right? that has got to be one of the most difficult jobs i know. give, give and give. it has it's rewards of course and they must be huge! be positive, turn to people u totally trust. you'll come out of this. don't let it beat u up. so u did a few things you worked hard at keepin under control, people slip. we're only human. move on. i hope u feel better soon and anytime u need someone just to yap at or bitch at, 'm here. take care of yourself......
Critter...........that actually made me laugh for the first time today!!!!! LOL. I'm trying to keep things together and if it wasnt for my 7 yr old then I would probably have done something really stupid by now. I havent been in my right mind at all here lately!!! And I'm not usually like this........not at all!!!! I pride myself on being self-sufficient and strong but damn, I feel like there is a big void somewhere in the mists of my world. But it will get better........you know, I dont even think I'm as upset about my b/f and g/f leaving as I am about how bad I broke down over the whole thing. My pride was hurt more than anything. Neither of them were right for me and I've known that for quite sometime but I just didnt want to be alone. Oh well, I'm a survivor if nothing else!!!! Bud Head.......I know all too well about not being able to get away when you want to. I either have to work or do things for a time consuming 7 yr old!!!! LOL. But he keeps me stable.........I dread the day his mom gets her shit together and I have to give him back. I love him more than life itself!!!!! But I shall be here waiting whenever you decide to venture down this way!!!!! Has anyone else ever noticed how understanding and compassionate stoners are?????? I burn this joint for all of you who always make me feel better. I love you all!!!
you my friend have it more together than you know.lol.You will survive and better times will come.You have my personal gauntee life my friend ,make the most of it .p.s.