alright, so i just had this long conversation with my dad about the defining moment in my life, and now i need to vent. background: my defining moment goes like this: Back in December of 2003, I'm chillin at school, about to start studying for my economics final the next day, when i get a phone call. it's my mom. she's crying. she tells me one of my 3 best friends in the world's family just got shot. i'm like what the fuck, your information is wrong. Let me make some calls to find out. As soon as i'm off the phone, my phone blows up with people telling me my best friend that i talk to every day has been shot. (What happened was they went out to dinner to celebrate my friend's brother's college graduation, and when they came home, a gunman was sitting in the entry way to their house waiting for them) So i try to study, but i give up after i stare at the same page for over an hour without reading a word; so i drive the 100 miles home, getting there in less than an hour. Come to find out that my friend and his mom (who was so badass that i would sometimes go over to their house when my boy wasn't home just to hang out with his mom and eat her fuckin awesome cheesecake) are dead, and his dad and brother are shot, but doing fine. For the next year, about once a month i'd go hang out with my boy's dad and brother. we'd smoke cigars, talk about Kevin, and just hang out. As time goes on, people start telling me that they think my friend's brother was responsible. I defend him, cause i've seen the dude cry over that shit, that he couldn't be capable of such atrocities. 6 months later, guess who flees the country. Eventually they track him down and bring him back, and thank God they're pushing for the death penalty. He fucking deserves it. These 2 people were seriously, and i'm not just saying this because they're dead, the 2 greatest people i've ever met ever in my entire life. I've never had another person's mom love me for no reason like his mom did, no matter how much i fucked up, and i've never had a friend who was more genuine and badass than Kevin. The dude has literally given me the shirt off his back. in public. Not to mention all the times he was there for me when shit was bad. All it took was a phone call, and nothing else mattered. I fucking miss that kid, and i will never be the same. That was almost 3 years ago, and i'm completely dry and thinking about that day for the first time in ages, and i'm fucking angry. Filled with rage even that this motherfucker would kill the 2 greatest people i've ever met on the face of the earth, dupe everyone close to him (including his own father), and then express zero remorse for it. I swear to God if i was given 10 minutes in a room with this guy i'd fucking kill him, and i'm pretty non-confrontational by nature. Just to give you an idea of the impact these 2 had on people, over 5,000 people showed up for their funeral. Generally, whenever I get this angry about it, I smoke a bowl, chill out, and everything's cool. But right now i don't have the means. it's almost 5 in the fucking morning, so there's not even anyone i can call that doesn't have work or school or some shit. So this post isn't entirely negative, some good things have come out of it, too. I think i'm a much better person now, since i try to be like him to an extent. I look at life completely differently now. It really is a gift, and so petty shit doesn't get to me at all now. But now that i don't have my "medication," I want to punch through the fucking wall. which is really uncharacteristic, since about 2/3 of my friends have never even seen me angry, much less ready to kick the shit out of my own house. I spent a year of my life in fucking horrible depression, lost the girl of my dreams, wasted a 20,000 dollar loan for school cause i didn't fucking go cause i was so depressed, and all because this motherfucker needed some insurance money to pay off a debt he owed to the wrong guys. And i'm not the only one affected like this by this. Virtually all of the 120 people or so in his circle of greatest influence have similar bouts of either rage or intense sadness, and if i didn't have pot i'd probably be committed, a criminal, or a criminal who has since been committed. And if you ever met me, you'd never know. Any advice/encouragement/thoughts is appreciated, but i mostly needed to vent. hopefully i can sleep soon. Thanks for giving me an avenue. Smoke one for me, and more importantly, for kevin and tricia.
Wow..I honestly don't know what to say other than let you know I'm sorry for your loss, that was a really touching story. I'm not sure if something like that happened to me I'd be able to cope with it as well as you have, you seem to be quite down on yourself, but it seems like you're doing a LOT better than most of the people I know. I guess all I'm trying to say is try and stay positive, even know it may seem incredibly hard. 'Don't worry, be happy'
Id kill him too. No doubt. but the law has it, wich is the least satisfying way IMO. Ima actually pray that your friend, and your fam and people around you stay cool man. i AM NOT religiouse at all, but i just want to express how deeply i actually feel for your situation. I could not bare to think.... I hope that you find some buds soon man.. where you at? PM me if you want or AIM me. im ALWAYS down to talk man. PM me for my sn. im so sorry man... man im really sad after reading this.
i'm really sorry for your loss brother. i appreciate you sharing that with us. i can relate to some of what you said. i use weed as a medication, sort of. i have that to look forward to everyday, and it helps me not take away my problems, but look at life positively, reflect on what i've been so upset about, and look at it rationally, and during times when i don't have it (such as now) i get really upset about things that i hadn't let upset me. i guess you could say i fiend for weed. and kevin's brother will get what he deserves.
That's tough, man. They wouldn't want you to be depressed over them, though. damn. 3 years have passed...you gotta let go... ps I hope the brother doesn't get the death penalty. Anger over something that is past, is just not worth the stress...Better to turn that anger into a positive, and use it to be passionate about living and doing what is important to you - here and now.
Death penalty seems fair to me in this situation... 2 dead, 2 wounded.... and take as much time to heal these wounds as you need man, you cannot rush things like this. this topic got me remorsing the past somewhat, i dont want to dive right into the issue tho, dont really feel like talking about it. I feel ya man, PM ME ME ME haha, sent you a few pms
Thanks guys. Generally speaking, i'm fantastically well adjusted considering the fact that my grandmother died the day after the shooting. I'm actually a pretty happy dude, just every once in a while all the old shit comes back, and this time it was like really, really fresh, you know? I'm okay now, actually i'm having a really good day. I just really needed to vent last night. It worked like a charm, too. I slept like a baby. It was awesome. About the death penalty thing, this is texas, bro. you kill two people here, we'll kill you back. I know i'm biased as hell about this particular case, but if there's anyone who deserves it, it's this cat. Dude's only remorseful thought in his head is that he got caught, and it was his MOM and BROTHER. About 10 days after it happened, me and 3 friends went and got little memorial tattoos for our fallen buddy, and i'm glad we did that. But it's just not enough. this was the single defining moment in my life that everything i've done since has in some way stemmed from, so today I started kicking around ideas for either a side or backpiece that will properly commemorate my friend's death, and the impact it's had on my life. I have a feeling that the tat is what i really need to get in order to let go.