I want the guys AND the ladies opinions on this one!

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by MPower420, Jan 9, 2010.

  1. #1 MPower420, Jan 9, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2010
    Alright GC, I'm coming forth haha I feel better asking fellow stoners/people I don't know personally (minus 2 or 3 of you, but whatever) than asking close friends. Go figure.

    Anywho, I've been with my SO for going on 4 years now. We've had a great relationship but of course we've had our ups and downs. Sad to say, I've gotten into great shape mentally and physically over the last few years and I strive to better myself in every way, every day. I guess it helps me feel more confident, you know? I mean, it sounds bad but I'm human too. I go hiking at least twice a week, mountain climbing once a month, and go for a quick jog or run every other day, along with hitting the gym 3 to 4 times a week. I just want to look good and feel good about myself.

    The problem is that my fiance has recently put on a bit of weight and although she does a lot of moaning and groaning over it, she refuses to change her eating habits or exercise at all. She's put on 30 or 40 pounds over the last 3 years and even though I still find her attractive I've noticed a bit of a decrease in that "drive" I use to have for her. I love her to death, I want to marry her and start a family and "live happily ever after"... but physically speaking, I know she could do better. I just want her to stay in shape and be healthy, not for her to look like a model. I can't stand skinny girls, personally, but it would be nice to see her lose a couple dress sizes and to bring back what she looked like back in the day (small waist, wide hips). I don't feel like bursting her ego by telling her exactly how I feel but she doesn't follow my examples at all. Every time I ask her to go to the gym with me she says she's busy with "xxxxx" or she just doesn't feel like it. Any ideas?

    Ok, now for the bigggg one. Like I said, we've been together for 4 years. And I understand that a relationship (or the spark at least) can start to go a little stale after a while. When we first got together, we would fuck once a week or so. Then as time went on, once a week turned to once every 2 weeks. Then to once a month. Now I'm lucky to get it once a month, usually it's once every month and a half or so. She says it bothers her because she's got a low sex drive and she feels like she isn't fulfilling me sexually, but there's nothing she can do about it. I really don't get it. I can come onto her (and I usually do) just about every other day and she gives the same excuses over and over and over again. I'm too tired, it's too late, I have to work in the morning, I have a headache, my stomach hurts, or the worst one of them all... I'm too high. I just don't fucking get it. I hate to say it, but I have needs. Every one of us guys here will say it, we ALL have needs and if they aren't met... well, we'll start shopping elsewhere.

    I don't want to cheat, and in fact, I have never cheated. I don't plan on starting any time soon. But I'm catching myself more and more recently thinking "Man, I'd fuck the SHIT outta her" just about every time I see another attractive female. I feel like I'm gonna slip up sooner or later if we can't get a bit of a spark going in bed. I'm just tired of waiting to get laid and when it finally comes, she walks away (usually stumbling) fully satisfied and I walk away fucking empty... and not in the good way. I can't fuck her reverse cowgirl because "it hurts too much". I can't fuck her hard when she's on top because it hurts too much, same thing with going doggy and I'm wanting to beat it up. It's boring. Plain and simple.

    Last thing, I swear haha What is a good way to bring up her starting the pill again? She started taking it in late 2008 and then stopped around May of '09. She says it makes her gain weight and she doesn't want to take it any more. Nothing changes with her being on the pill or off, it's still the same routine. It's just an extra "precaution". But now, here's the kicker. We use protection every single time we have sex, and I'm all for it. But, ladies... take notes... if you make your man wear a rubber, the least you can do is let him come inside you... or at the very least just half way get off before he pulls out. There is NOTHING worse than getting close and having to pull out and jerk yourself off. That's like getting tickets to a football game and having to sit in the car until it's time to go home. It fucking blows. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of it. She won't blow me for more than 3 or 4 minutes because it makes her jaw hurt... she won't let me come in her mouth, on her face, nothing, because it's "nasty". I don't know. I'm at a loss and I want some ass like I used to get... but I'm not willing to sacrifice my relationship for it. I'm fucking tired of the bullshit... but I love her.


    Can any of you blades offer some advice? I've spent the past 3 years on the City and have never once asked for help like I am today. I need it. I just hope that somebody can point me in the right direction.

    Thanks fellas and happy tokin. :smoking:
  2. talk to her about it man. tell her how you feel. be straight up. but damn i dont see how you can be attracted to her anymore by the way she acts. sorry thats just my 2 cents
  3. Poster above is right. Everything you're telling us here, you should be telling her. You gotta be upfront with all your feelings if this is the woman you're planning on spending the rest of your life with.

    It's only going to get worse down the road of she doesn't want to comply, if it you take too long to step in and express what you feel to her. Lets face it, she's not getting any younger, the more this continues the happen the less likely she'll lose the weight.

    As for your in-n-out problem, I really don't know what to say man.. if she's like that, chances are she'll always be like that. Sex is majorly important for a nice stable relationship. MAJORLY. 4 years is a very long time, and i understand that you do love her. But this is your one and only life, live it to the fullest man. The fullest.
  4. like the above people said, talk with her about it. Just make sure to try and use words that don't sound like you're blaming or attacking her. That will just put her on the defensive and it will go from a discussion to you talking to yourself, or worse her attacking you back.

    gl to ya, hopefully it all works out but prepare yourself emotionally for it it doesn't.
  5. you have to talk to her man, be honest with her, tell her these things.
  6. First off, I think talking to her could be the best option in order to address all your problems, but I think that it would just get your girlfriend down. I know that if my boyfriend told me all this shit he doesn't like about me I would just get really upset no matter how he said it. I think dropping hints like you have about going to the gym is the second best option for the weight issue. Also, try cooking healthy food so she's forced to eat it or you can go out dancing or something. Just try and think of things to do that would help her lose weight without really trying. I think it's kind of alarming that she wouldn't want to try and look her best for you if you are always working out. She should always want to try and be the best for her boyfriend. It might be that she is too comfortable with you. I think by the time warm weather starts your girlfriend should want to exercise to look good for summer! I know that I am more lazy during the winter. As for the birth control issue, not all birth control will make you gain weight. I take Yaz and I've actually lost weight while on it. I think her sex drive will boost once she starts to lose weight. Does she take any drugs that would affect it now? You should definitely make sure you get to a good point sexually before you marry her. You don't want to be stuck with someone who you bone like one time a month! IMO talk to her about the birth control and try to be encouraging about eating right and working out!
  7. Hope you work it out man but I have to say, you two seem very incompatible.
  8. i dated a girl that started getting heavier and stopped wanting to have sex... dtmfa
  9. Man. I don't think I could stay in a relationship that long with things going South like that. I wish you the best, I hope it works out. If you feel you deserve better that's all there is to it.

    Love or not, you can't settle with your heart.

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