Damn this is a good post for someone like me! I've been hitting the gym and slowly building my self-confidence. Also, I've found that just trying to make friends with people helps alot! Don't look at the interaction as some moment of truth to prove yourself. Look at the interaction as a way to make friends and connections to other people..You don't have to hookup with every girl you talk to also.
I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said except that for me, a little bit a caffeine goes a looong way with my social-ness-icity (or whatever haha) and I'm not by any means the really outgoing type
im in the same kinda situation bro. Im shy, cant talk to girls without getting all nervous and awkward, and usually i just try to avoid interaction in general. But i took someones advice and cut down the frequency of my masturbating seshs, and surprisingly i saw a difference in my attitude towards people. Maybe its just a placebo, but i felt the need for social interaction once i stopped jerking it. Give it a try
This is spot on. All the guys I've spent actual time and attention towards had these things in common more or less (occasionally no beard). I think the talking slower makes it sound like someone is more patient.
WHAT!? Combat Sports- It's cool, but i dig a guy who does anything but sit on his ass and do nothing. You like hiking? Cool. You dig kayaking? Sweet. You enjoy making music? Even better. You don't need to be an "alpha" you just have to have hobbies because you can't be interesting without doing something. Diet Change- It's not necessary, unless your weight is endangering your health. I don't want some fucking exercise freak who is obsessed with eating fruit. I want someone real, I want you to eat what you like and maybe turn me on to some new foods. Taking Notes From Comedians- What the hell is this? I don't want a guy to seem funny, he either is or isn't. The same jokes and delivery will get boring and eventually I'll find out you were a fake (this kid i went to high school with did this kind of shit and all of my friends made fun of him). Guys don't like fake bitches, why would girls like fake douches? Why would anyone like a fake ass person? Read Up On Current Events- That's a good start, but make sure it's shit you're actually interested in learning about. What if you meet a girl who is big into politics and knows her shit? All you know is what you've read about, you don't really care about it so you won't really understand how to feel about it. Talk Slower- What? You don't have to talk slower to "seem" important... just have something to say for fucks sake AND MAKE EYE CONTACT. I am automatically going to listen if i see you holding your gaze. I, personally, take interest in a guy who notices something about me (like my choosing to drink a coke and not alcohol) and comments, maybe even jokes... something along the lines of "You must be getting wasted tonight". It's cute, slightly cheesy and obviously funny (at least to me). Basically, don't try to be someone you're not because it's not you.... who are we supposed to like if you're not being yourself? Good luck, OP. You seem like a decent dude and any chick would be lucky if you set your sights on her.
I think you took my post a bit of out of proportion. I'm not telling him to lie to himself or girls, these are merely tips on improving your self-confidence as a man, a way to conquer shyness. -Combat sports because fighting is a part of the male DNA (it's why men are competitive), and getting good at it makes you feel much more confident on a subconscious level. Especially if you are a shy man. -Diet change because eating healthy makes you feel more physically comfortable. -Taking notes from comedians not to rip their jokes, but to get insight into what kind of speaking patterns and language tricks work well with making people laugh. -Current events: if you do meet a girl who knows more than you about a topic, at least you know something, and have the basis for a conversation. It's a good way to "take the temperature" on a girl, what her interests are, and if they match yours. -Talking slower does draw attention to you and make your words carry heavier weight, which again, helps your confidence. Like PrincessTHC pointed out, it also makes you seem patient, and as you so wisely say, keeping eye contact makes you all the more engaging. It helped me drag myself out of an evil circle and wake up socially, and sexually. I was simply passing on what I learned, and I stand by all of it.
But just like combat sports up your confidence, so does taking up and instrument. You don't necessarily have to take up a sport or anything, you could just do things that you don't normally do to try them and see if you like them. The only reason i disagree with the current events is because if i were talking to a guy who started out knowing things about what i like then stopped talking as the conversation went on I'd think he was, for lack of better words, stupid. And I doubt the OP is self concious about his weight, he just has no idea how to go about talking to people. Instead of trying to change yourself to get girls I think it's better to find out more about yourself so your confidence is organic. Basically, it's all about the girls you are attracted to. When i meet a guy who seems like a good person, I'll take over the conversation. I'll think of things to talk about and they can follow my lead. I, highly, suggest that shy people start out talking to extroverts... that way there isn't so much pressure on you to know exactly what to say. We all know that practice makes perfect.
I wouldn't say she's ripping him apart, so much as seeing that post from her perspective. Which I completely understand. VikingToker gave me some nifty hints to take away from his post, as has GirlyS! I wouldn't so much see everyone's post as contradictory, so much as see each bit of information everyone has to offer and conform it to what helps me learn best from it. Nobody's post is, imo, dumb or discreditable. They're only further detailed information to take to heart and add to my repertoire of how to overcome shyness. And if anyone else reading this topic happens to take something away as well, then all the better!!
This is an example of a girl pretending to know what it's like to be a guy. You don't, because I take psychology and this dude is RIGHT on.
I don't claim to know what it's like to be a guy. I've grown up with guys... I know how hard it was for them to start talking to girls and I know what they did to build confidence. I'm just telling you guys that if you're planning on trying to "seem" like something the girl you're talking to will see right through it. And good for you, taking psychology... I see you're exactly like every other psychologist I've met.
I think you need to be more proactive. Like this thread for example is not the right way. What you should do is when go out always shave look smell good and workout eat right. Its not some magical thing, think of it as you are helping them
start going to parties, if u have a job and have some spare cash hit the club. you probably have a few friends who enjoy hitting the club/can pull chicks. They have charisma and confidence that can rub onto you. find them, hit the clubs a couple of times with them. Now this is the fun part, Get suuper shitty and start asking girls to dance, strike up a nice conversation and then ask for a dance. Do this to 50 girls, a lot of them will say no but after about the 8th time getting rejected you'll just move past them and it won't hurt. And now it will get easier and WAYY better... Also: If you walk up to ten hot girls and ask them to blow you its a 50/50 chance that they will say yes. Always remember that
I'm in the same boat except shyness isn't really holding me back. More so it's that I never meet girls. All I do is go to work, go to the gym, and hang out with friends on the weekends. I never meet any girls doing that and it feels like I'm not even on the same planet with girls.
Talk to friends, let them know you want to meet someone and see what advice they have. Maybe their girlfriend or sister has a friend who would be down to meet you. I know alot of guys who have a hard time meeting chicks because of work and I know alot of guys have trouble because they're shy. It has nothing to do with their self confidence, they just care too much about whether or not a chick will like them (or anyone for that matter) and what they're into. You could also meet ladies at the gym, since you're obviously into fitness it'd be good to find a lady companion who is too.
And even if they refuse, at least you tried. That's what it's all about, just trying. However, don't go asking chicks to blow you... it could get you a slap in the face because it's obscene and rude. But this guy has a great idea, once you've been rejected a couple of times it gets easier to ask. Like I said, practice makes perfect.
My friends know I want to meet girls. If they could help me or they knew girls they could introduce me to then I'm pretty sure they would have already. I don't think there's anything they can do for me as far as girls go. I'm kinda on my own on this one. As for the gym, I've seen attractive girls at the gym but it doesn't really feel like the environment to meet girls. Everyone is focused on there work out and doing there thing and I don't think anyone wants to be interrupted.
I want to publicly apologize to VikingToker, I'm sorry if i was bitchy in that post. I need to smoke more pot.
I'll accept your apology if you draw me an elephant! http://forum.grasscity.com/grasscity-forum-humor/947485-draw-elephant-your-eyes-closed.html#post12884939