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I think i have bipolar disorder , smoking helps alot but i need some help

Discussion in 'Medical Marijuana Usage and Applications' started by Moe91, Sep 25, 2010.

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  1. #1 Moe91, Sep 25, 2010
    hi , how is everybody doing tonight?

    this is kind of a serious matter for me so if you got nothing productive to say then please do not add a comment on here...

    im 19 years old , i used to be a very happy and social person when i was growing up , my life turned upside down alot , made many friends and lost many more for stupid reasons , i have never had a stable relationship with my family and i hate all of them , my voice was never heard and i was always pushed down but it wasn't like i was beat up , at this time of my life i wish i used to get beaten up instead of having to go through a mental fight everyday , i feel that the way i was raised , the atmosphere i had around me fucked up my life and made me go around in circles for the past 2 years of my life...

    I used to enjoy things in life like going out with friends , playing games or just about doing anything but now i pushed away everyone that i know and most of them because their assholes but i feel like im happier in my comfort zone which is my room but at the same time im not accomplishing anything , i moved back to the states 2 years ago to accomplish something with my life , i wanted to finish college and get a bachelors degree as well as a masters and of course get married and enjoy a peaceful life untill i die but for a while now i have simply lost all interest in all of those things , i dont care about finishing my education , i dont wanna work but i need the money , people around me dont understand me and nobody ever did , i feel like i have so much shit built up inside of me and nobody would help!

    ive been smoking cigs for about 5 years now and i was too young , it helped me relax and calm down , i started smoking marijuana about 2 years ago and i only tried it a few times and wasnt really interested that much , now i feel that im a proud smoker but at this moment i cant afford buying alot of bud considering my financial status but i smoke on a daily basis when i have some and it makes me happy , makes me feel like im alive and that my heart is beating again as if the life that i go through when im sober is a blur and when im high im just happy and everything tends to look clearer for me , i guess i kind of started using marijuana to help leave this world im trapped in , i dont wanna sound like im crazy or anything but marijuana helped me relief all that excess stress that i have built in , helps me focus and enjoy myself , i wanna change states or even country's because im honestly not happy here in the states , everybody is going broke and the states are just not like they used to , i feel like moving to a different country , different people and a whole new start away from all this bullshit that im going through on a daily basis...

    marijuana helps when the high is really strong and thats where it kicks in , reason why im sayin this is because i need another solution for this , i dont know what to do anymore and i cant afford going to a doctor at the moment , my dad got money but we dont talk and he wont pay up for a session for a doctor just because i said that i might have bipolar disorder so i turn to the small but wise community of GC , what should i do?
     
  2. #2 BadAxe, Sep 25, 2010
    I can not diagnose you, no one here can. it sounds like you are more depressed than bi polar. The first thing I would suggest(if you can) is to find someone you care about, and that you trust, and talk to them, explain what you just did here. Depression is just as real and can be just as devastating. If you have no one that you can trust, or feel you can talk to, I would seek out professional help, not the help of MJ smokers and growers (no offense to anyone here, i include myself in those groups). Seriously, being depressed and trying to handle it on your own can be damn near impossible. When you are depressed (speaking from personal exp), you look around and can see no way out of your situation, you feel like there is no way you will ever be happy, that all exits have been blocked. But there are ways out, and thats why talking to someone can actually help, because they can see the paths that can lead you out, and show you them. Depression keeps blinders on and prevents you from fighting your way out. Experienced professionals have the skills and tools to help you fight it, escape it, and keep it away.

    While I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, I can say I have been in similar situations throughout my life. I don't have many people in my life I consider to be loved ones or true friends, but those that I do have, I am there for for anything, and I also lean on them to help me out when I most need it. My wife and son are my life, and the reasons I am still even around today. If there is anyone around you that you care about, then I would really reach out to them. Start to try to value those that you DO have instead of focusing on all of those that you lost. One true friend or cared one is all it takes to start to see things differently.

    Good Luck to you.
     
  3. #3 WildWill, Sep 25, 2010
    LOTS of topics (over 20) on Bipolar disorder, please utilize one of those.
     
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