I think I have a serious problem..

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Carne Seca, Oct 28, 2014.

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  1. I have an issue and I don't know how to deal with it.  My fiance has a friend he met while he was living in NY.  This was before he moved to NM.  Well this friend moved to NM a couple of weeks ago.  They both work in the same field and he landed a job working with my fiance.  He was so excited.  I was really happy for him. 
    We have been introducing this friend around and I had a lunch with a lot of people from the area to get him acclimatized to the new surroundings. He has been spending a lot of time here.  He is fascinated by the dynamics of my family.  All the colors of the rainbow as it were.  I didn't think much of it.  It must be quite novel for him.  He has never interacted with Native Americans before and there are a lot of them running around here.  My family finds him amusing so it all works out.
    I began to notice that he is always watching me and tends to follow me around.  At first I thought he was gauging me. Trying to figure out if I was good enough for his buddy.  They were friends for over two years before Scott moved out here.  So I thought he was looking out for his friend.  Fair enough.  At least i thought that until tonight.  Holy shit was I wrong.  
    We were at the fire pit tonight making smores and being immature little shits.  There may have been alcohol involved.  I'm not sure if you all know this but I'm a walking calamity.  Accident prone doesn't even come close to describe the level of devastation I can create just trying to walk across a room.   Tonight was no exception.  I made some jungle juice in a water cooler that was placed on the tailgate of our work truck.  The pit is down a small slope so I backed the truck up to the edge and lowered the tailgate.  It's about shoulder level so it was perfect for the cooler's spigot which is at the bottom of the container.  Yes there's a reason I'm setting this up.
    Well, I was refilling my cup and the spigot got clogged.  Too much fruit I guess.  Anyway I tipped it to try and dislodge whatever was blocking the flow.  Only i tipped it too far and before I knew what was happening I poured the entire container down my neck and chest. I lost my footing when I slipped in the liquid pouring down my body.  Me and the container went rolling down the slope.   I was covered in sticky smelly mud and debris.  Typical night for me.
    I was so embarrassed.  I don't know why.  I should be used to it by now.  Thank all that's holy we had back up alcoholic beverages so the party continued.   I, on the other hand, needed to clean up.  I was attracting wildlife.   So I plodded my way back to the house.  I was soaked through so I disrobed at the door and headed to the laundry room with clothes in hand buck naked.  I was the only one in the house (the kids were spending the night at their aunty's house).   When I got to the laundry room I wrapped a towel around my waist and started to rinse the clothes in the sink to get the mud and sticks off before putting them in the wash.
    As I was rinsing the clothes I got a prickly feeling on the back of my neck.   It felt like something crawling on me so I reached up to slap it and hit Scott's friend on the side of the head.   He was standing right behind me.  I have PTSD.  This is not good for my nerves.  I jumped and screamed like Gerty from E.T.   Once again, so embarrassing.  He laughed and said he was trying to scare me.  I explained that it wasn't a good idea because I tend to lash out.  It's a reflex.  I can't control it.  He apologized and I put the clothes in the washer.   He told me that Scott sent him to see if I was o.k.  Well, that sounded like my Ginger Avenger so I shrugged it off.
    Scott's friend started looking me up and down.  It was very uncomfortable for me.  I told him to go back to the fire pit and I would join after I showered and changed.  I asked him to tell Scott I was fine.  He looked me up and down again and said, "you sure are."  
    Alarm bells started going off.  I started to realize i had a problem.  He stood there blocking my path and kept checking me out.  I finally brushed past him and headed for the bathroom.  He followed me.   I was starting to get worried.   But Scott said he was a good friend and I didn't want to cause problems between them.  I thanked him for his concern and shut the door in his face.  He was pretty drunk so I made excuses for his behavior.  
    I showered as quickly as i could.  I had a hell of a time getting all that shit out of my hair.   I even had mud in my butt crack.  It was disgusting.  I turned off the shower and stepped out and he was standing in the middle of the bathroom.   He watched me shower.   I tend to shower with my eyes closed.  I don't like soap in my eyes.  So i didn't see him there.  I thought I had locked the door.  I have no idea how he got in.   I can't even explain the feeling that washed over me when I saw him.   It was a combination of shock, fear, anger, shame and disgust.  He kept looking at my body.  I grabbed the towel and told him to get the fuck out.   He didn't leave at first.  That's when I really got scared.   I didn't know what he was capable of and we were the only ones in the house.   I guess he saw it in my face because he turned and left without saying anything.  
    I had a major panic attack.  It was off the hook.  I couldn't even leave the bathroom.  I locked the door and put a chair under the knob.  Scott came to check on me and I told him I wasn't feeling well and needed to go to bed.  He was o.k. with it and went back to the pit to clean up and see everyone off.  I heard the cars leaving so I headed for my bedroom.   I walked down the hallway and I heard a noise behind me.  I turned and Scott's friend was right behind me.   I froze.  I actually lost the ability to move.  I've heard of people freezing and I didn't quite understand but now I do.  This was a new situation for me and I had no frame of reference on how to react or what to expect.  My mind couldn't process what was going on.
    He said he needed to talk to me.  That he was sorry and it was the alcohol making him act the way he did.  He asked me not to tell Scott.  Then he left.  
    I am at a loss, people.  I really don't know how to handle this.  He and Scott are like brothers.  The last thing I want to do is ruin a friendship.  Maybe it was just the alcohol.  But there was something in his eyes that really scared me.  I don't even know how to describe it.   It was predatory.  I felt like a mouse being toyed with by a cat.  It was not a good feeling.
    So what do I do?  Tell Scott and ruin a friendship and possibly my relationship?   Keep my mouth shut and hope nothing like this happens again?   That son-of-a-bitch put me in an impossible position.  I feel that no matter what I do it will end up being my fault.  Am I just being a fucking drama queen?   Help. 
    I knew things were going too well. 

  2. Sounds scary. I would definitely talk with him.
  3. TL/DR: OP is gonna get raped 
    OP: I'd invest in some sort of weapon and lock your door at night. 
    • Like Like x 6
  4. uhh, tell your significant other that his friend is a total  creeper? just saying! drunk or not, you better let them know it isn't okay!
    • Like Like x 5
  5. Carne, I would share this with your partner..because straight up that is not okay. The way he made you feel that is. It's unfortunate he's close friends with your partner but that is in fact beside the point. You need to focus on your feelings and share this with him..

    Sorry to hear that this happened by the way ..we're all here for you
    • Like Like x 1
  6. He watched u shower.... What the fuck r u waitin for tell ur man so he can deal with it

    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum mobile app while high as fuck
    • Like Like x 6
  7. #7 Carne Seca, Oct 28, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2014
    I don't want to ruin Scott's friendship.  They really are very close.  It is similar to the relationship I had with my brother who passed away.  Maybe I'm reading too much into this.  I was assaulted while attending college and I'm worried this may just be hyper-vigilance interfering with my good judgment.  is it just me?  Did I read too much into it?  God I hate this.  
    Thanks for the advice.  I'm leaning towards telling Scott but he's so happy his friend is here.  
    Maybe I can just sit down with the friend and hash it out.  But I'm kind of scared of him.   :(
    you are NOT reading too much into this. you have a page of people here telling you that.
    we are here out of support for you, not spite for some individual whom we do not know!
    given we have your best interest in heart, you should open up to scott ASAP.. otherwise
    something that may mean 'nothing' WILL turn into 'something'. you don't want that weird
    feeling manifesting inside your mind. let the truth out, and soon.
    • Like Like x 3
  9. #9 Hashtag46n2, Oct 28, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2014
    I suggest telling your man, he oughta know , his...

    "Best bud" is obviously attracted to you, it wasn't just the alcohol, I've learned through many years , that alcohol is like a "truth serum" ...

    Take care of this now, instead of a potential disaster.

    Seriously, this story sounds like it could be on "Dateline"

    Don't want to ruin their friendship?....

    This is a lot more serious than that....., what kind of" friend " would do that shit?
    • Like Like x 4
  10. Fuck.   Fuck fuck fuck.   I hate this.  :(
    well, if op is going to get raped, invest in a gun, yes. 
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Yeah you definitely have to tell your man. I second alcohol being a "truth serum", that is spot on.
    Drunk or not, that dude was way out of line and I'm sorry that you had that experience, it's just terrible. A friend or even just a normal strange man would not act that way.

    🎶High above at the edge of the world, we are searching for glory and peace, when the time has come you will see our return to the Land of the Free!🎶
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Gay guys need to learn to throw fists, or at least more aggressive words.

    Tell your slice of ass that his friend is a chump.
  14. Well I told him.  He's not happy.  They work together.  This is a very awkward situation.  I don't think he believes me.  :(
  15. If he doesn't believe you....you need to leave his ass ASAP before you get raped and victim blamed.
    Like....what the fuck kind of man would be okay with that happening to his partner? If he hasn't at least yelled at his friend yet, you should head for the hills before you have an even worse story for us.
    • Like Like x 2
  16. Just saying if one of my friends was creeping in the bathroom watching my girl shower I would beat his ass until he forgot we were ever acquaintances. Fuck outta here with that shit
    • Like Like x 9
  17. Good friends dont or doesnt Do this. Tell Your man about this Problem to fix this
  18. Would have ended him in the bathroom. Ur "friend" probably sucks him off at work.

  19. I can't sleep.  I moved to the couch so I wouldn't disturb Scott.  Here's the main issue.  Scott's friend is straight.  When they were in NY he only hooked up with women.  He never showed or indicated that he had any interest in men.  It's completely messed up and Scott is having a problem wrapping his head around it.  He feels that alcohol played a large role in his actions.  "He wasn't himself".   I have to admit he was pretty damn drunk.  The more I think about it the more I'm doubting myself.  Now I wish I had kept my mouth shut.  He's going to talk to his friend tomorrow.  I need sleep.   
  20. Tell you're partner what happened. That guy sounds fucked up. He purposefully took that job to be near you're partner for some twisted reason. 
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