Well, hey, so I know the one below me posted something like this but I think I have something else going on here but anyway My parents just randomly got a divorce over summer, and it was terrible, a real mess in the end and even had to move in with friends instead of still living with one of my 'rents. So basically my whole family has been split, my brother, my mum, my dad... I don't know what happened. It was alright for a bit but I always get these empty feeling bits of time where I just can't get over it. I keep trying to find things to replace my old life, because my life is completely different now. No family dinners, no movie nights, i have no one to confide in that I trust completely. Escept for my boyfriend but I just feel like I shouldnt bother him about it.. I go for these really long walks to get through it but all I do is cry. I just want what I had back, and it makes me so frustrated that it all happened. I think I have to suck it up and continue with my life and I do that, I go to work, I do my schoolwork, hang out with friends, smoke weed like I used to but I go back to where I live now with my friend and her parents and I just... I just can't take it. I wake up and I feel empty, but I'm not hungry. I eat anyways, but I still feel empty. I don't know if it's from the divorce, or if it's because I'm kind of at a standstill with my life, or if it's the weed, the birth control i started taking, or maybe I'm not happy in my relationship anymore. I'm so hot and cold these days. I just don't understand.
Family structure is probably the most important thing that keeps you stable in life, especially during teen and adolescent years. Don't blame yourself for not being able to accept it yet, the divorce happened only a few months ago something that big is going to take a lot longer than that for you to accept. Don't blame yourself for crying all the time on your walks, let it out, theres an oceans worth of tears for the pain and emptiness you feel trust me.. losing your family is not exactly an easy thing thats the foundation of your life. Basically, its unfortunate but you are going to be going through these rough emotional times for a while now. I suggest stay strong, as positive as possible, and just know that it's going to take a while to settle into this new life that was suddenly forced upon you. Atleast you know it's a problem, and venting about it on forums really helps. I think you should stay with your boyfriend just as something and someone to have right now, keep doing your tasks during the day try not to fall too deep into the hole, and if you find depression taking over then you should probably seek some help. Goodluck, and i'm really sorry to hear that happened.. stay strong
If you got the time, I would check out the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. The author is a phsychologist who deals exlusively with people going through existential crisis. The book is about how he survived the holocaust, and how that influenced his work and beliefs. It's all based around this question he asked himself afterwards. He said the experience was so behyond horrible, so demonic, he wondered why everyone in the camps didn't just kill themselves. Why did they continue going on working for twelve hours a day, on almost no food, with thier friends and family dying all around them, knowing that they would most likely end up being gassed themselves? He asked himself why he didn't end his own life. The book is basically his answer to that question. It's one of the three or four most influential things on my life. Nothing I can say will do justice to his message.