Hello all, I'm new to the forum world but I thought I'd reach out for some advice or to hear back from people will a similar situation. Some backstory: My girlfriend and I are both 24. We have been dating for about 9 months now, and she moved into my place at the 4 month mark. We have a great relationship intellectually, sexually and we get a long quite well. We both do art, and love spending time together. We've never really had any arguments or fights. The troubles: When I lived alone I would smoke around 3 joints after work and toke all the time on weekends. That was the norm for me, that's how I relax and enjoy my time and helps with my art. I've been blazing for 7 years at least and that's just part of my lifestyle. When we first started dating I was upfront about the fact that I enjoy to smoke, but I never did infront of her because it's not her thing. Since we live together, I've cut way back on smoking because I know she feels a little uncomfortable with it and told me "people act differently when they're high, I'd rather talk to a normal person". She has had a violent home during her childhood due to drugs and alcohol which I believe plays a big part in this. I don't normally have my after work joints anymore, I usually wait until before I go to bed. Now that we've lived together for almost half a year, im dying to do what I want to do.. get stoned whenever I feel like it. I can tell she's not a fan when I'm high, even though I don't change as a person, I'm just less talkative. I feel like I shouldn't change who I am and what I do but there's always that hesitation for her sake. My thoughts: I feel as if I would be more compatible with a girl who smokes as much as me. To have a companion to get high with would add so much to a relationship and there would be no awkwardness when I pack a bowl or zone out with a bag of chips. Hard to live a lifestyle when your partner thinks it's an "escape". What I ask to you: Is this worthy of a break up? Or should I continue to smoke solo? I'm just so confused on everything because weed has been a big part of my life, I want to share it with someone. It just seems a little rash to throw away something great for some smoke. Any advise or help would be appreciated. Thanks for reading my strange thoughts.
If there are no arguments or ultimatums, why consider it a possible break up point? She can see that you are not a freak when high, it's just not her thing. My wife doesn't toke. After I retired from the service I gently approached her to see if she had any interest, she didn't. She found my stash box one day and over-reacted. After she calmed down, we discussed it. She decided that I had been high around her so many times without her noticing that it really was no big deal. Good luck, she sounds like a keeper.
I would have a nice heart to heart and educate her about cannabis and the effects and maybe if she had a better understanding of the medicinal benefits and how it relates to being a part of you she might get a new perspective on it. Try to get to the root of why it bothers her. And address it. Is it she wants more time with you? Etc. It's probably a small misunderstanding that can be worked through. I don't think you need to break off just for that unless she starts doing ultimatums etc.
It's just weed. And I was in same boat we did break up from it acouple times hah. She wasnt cool with it at All. So I never smoked around her always showering which sucked. I want to be able to smoke in my own house you know or atleast outside whenever I want. It also sucks to break up because what if you dont end up smoking eventually and then your single. But I started using oil pens and theres no smell. Still sucks to hide it. I want to be with a girl that I can smoke when I'm around before we watch a movie or whatever ya know? One thing I'm sure of if shes not cool with it now, shell never be. I am not with that girl and I smoke always and I'm growing and I'm single and life Is great. You should be up front and bite the bullet say " look I love you. But I smoke weed. I'm not choosing it over you but I use it to relax and work on my art and I want both of you but if you cant be cool with it then I guess this is it" something like that. And maybe shell break up with u but its netter than breaking up 8 years down the road because of it. You can tell her you wont smoke it around her she wont have to smell it and all that and you'll never try to get her too . Idk man hope it helps. I know the exact spot you're in Sent from my SM-N950U using Grasscity Forum mobile app
I mean if you end up not smoking and you are single * Sent from my SM-N950U using Grasscity Forum mobile app
Ok. Been there done that. I've been an all day every day smoker for 25+yrs up until recently. My wife smoked when we met. Went through a phase where she didn't. Then again. And then off again. On again. She has always given me shit about smoking. She says I smoke way too much. But I have never reduced my smoking because of her. I am who I am and she has to deal with it. Just as I had to deal with her flaws But in now way should it be a determining factor in wether or not you should stay with her. You need to discuss it with her. Open communication and honesty is key. Have your facts and know what you are going to say. It seems like you have a good thing besides this as ticking point. Definitely not a deal breaker
My wife smokes off n on for pain and sleep right now she’s not smoking due to new job, so I use vape pens so she won’t be jealous and give her back rubs and melatonin to help her sleep. Sounds like it’s her issue stemming from childhood drama. I’d keep it low key without folding.
If you're not willing to give up pot for good and she's not willing to put up with your smoking without giving you the evil eye and an attitude whenever you smoke then face it, your lifestyles are not compatible. Having the love of a good woman is enough reason to stop smoking pot but only if you think it's worth it to you and it doesn't sound like you do. It sounds like you resent having to live under her rules and I don't blame you. If you can't quit and be comfortable with that decision she's not the one for you. I'm sure there's some guy out there who's perfect for her so let her go find him. My wife quit smoking 20-30 years ago but never gives me that look when I smoke and has always been supportive even when I stink up the house decarbing or run up the electric bill growing. She doesn't even tell me to put away my oil rig or torch when I'm done with them.
Be yourself . If your a smoker then be a smoker . You were upfront and let her know ,I don't see the problem . My old man is a drinker , I am not . I would never tell him he couldn't drink . He works hard and if that's how he unwinds good for him . Now mind you if he smoked all the weed and ate all the stuffing in the Oreos I would kick his ass to the curb . Lol
Dude, you two need to sit down and talk this out. If she's giving you "the eye" after such a short time, I guarantee its only going to get worse. Communication is the key here. Be open, be honest, be a man. Obviously she has baggage from her childhood and she's probably scared that you will hurt her (emotionally). Maybe remind her that it's only weed and not that nerve poison they call alcohol or those other terrible chemicals in the world of drugs that fuck up so many people. I would never trade (true) love for a plant but I would certainly give up love for a partner that doesn't love me for who I am. That includes my good and bad attributes. I only come as one package. Accept me as a whole or move on. My ol' lady smoked when we met then quit after we married. She started getting jealous of weed and claiming "you act differently when you're stoned" (no shit Sherlock) So we had a nice long talk. That was 38 years ago. I grow weed, get baked every day, and she loves her "happy" husband more than ever. I mean really, as long as weed ain't screwing up your life (like lazy and don't want to work) why should any other human being care that you smoke weed? Good luck brother
I was with a girl 5 years, at first she smoked with me when we were 18, toward the end of the relationship she told me I needed to grow up and stop smoking, shit got bad from there and we ended up breaking up eventually. I had told her my plans of eventually getting into the cannabis industry and that I had no plans of stopping smoking. Fast forward 9 months later, a friend I would smoke with all the time who smokes as much as I do was out with me and some friends one night, we got drunk, made out, and we just got married this past October. We are now both med patients in our state and we smoke together every day. You don't need to find someone who also smokes for a good relationship, just someone who isn't going to judge what you are doing. But always having a smoking buddy is definitely fun, just gotta buy more weed!
It seems as if it would be an easier relationship with someone who enjoys smoking with me rather than feeling the silent judgment of "escaping" reality when it's not as such. We tried smoking together and she just doesn't like the effects.
That's just it. You totally understand where I'm coming from. To have a person to toke up and watch a movie and laugh at small things means a lot. Maybe I should say that to her but it seems impossible to express that. Do I want to always be hesitant to light up? To smoke a lot less? Maybe it's not such a long term relationship if I can't live as I please
I would not expect there is much hope between those partners that want to share time in their lives that are heavy frequent smokers and either non-smokers or infrequent smokers. That is because frequent smokers are always in a state that will not appeal to most infrequent smokers, much less non smokers. In other words, if the other non smoking partner wants to have an interesting fulfilling life with their partner, a frequent pot smoker is a poor choice because activities and interests are not going to mesh outside of sex, eating, and living in the same house. For a few that may be enough however if the other person begins indicating they are not happy at that level, it is likely only going to fester and get worse over time. One needs to understand that people in relationships usually expect some changes over time as each person compromises to some extent in order to be more compatible with their other partner. Thus both partners expect some habits and activities will evolve and change even if they may never talk about such. One person may like certain activities while the other has low interest in them but because of the relationship, learn to participate to some extent in what their partner does for the sake of happiness. So only the husband like to go to football games and and only the wife likes to shop however they agree to share those experiences at least some times. A problem is there are some that think they are going to be able to gradually pressure and change their partners and when that does not seem to be working, increasingly become frustrated. A common issue is the beer drinking husband and little or non drinking wife. Thus every night after returning home from their 8-5 m-f job, the guy weekdays just goes from couch in front of tv to fridge. And then often more of same on weekends. What people in that situation need to do is be more honest earlier in a relationship about behaviors they may not be able to adjust to long term.
Honestly she sounds hateful. Ummm it's not crack it's just weed if she has a mass problem with it then she ain't worth your time. For her to give you the eye already bye Felicia.
If it ain’t brakin the bank and u bein responsible and treating her right then maybe it’s her problem n she’s lettin it come between u n her. Honestly I’d let er know when the lease is up so r u 2 unless her attitude changes. Bein a couple don’t mean one do what they told n the other do what they want. Find a smoke buddy
You guys are all so supportive it’s awesome.i don’t have this issue As my future wife do t smoke but she’ll go buy me a sack when I spent all my moneys Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Things change when you get married. When you're married and broke don't even try reminding her you'll need a new bag on her next payday.
Follow your heart my brother I've been married for 16 years nd my wife doesn't smoke nd had a bad upbringing as well but she doesn't judge she let's me be me that's who fell in love wit not the weed