Some are for kids, some are for co-workers... guess which is which! Don't roundhouse kick your sister in the head. Don't hug the television. We don't use powerdrills in the bathroom. Bacon is not a drink. I need a working monitor to send stuff to the printer. I can't come in to the office. I'm not in your time zone. I can't get you a coffee. I don't work here. (at a coffee shop) I've got a million of these, and can I remember them when I start this thread? Nooooooo...... What are things you just shouldn't have to say... but did.
"That way" is not a direction, especially when I'm driving and trying to watch the road, not your hands. Also, "here" is not a location to turn. "STREET_NAME" IS a location. "The next stop sign" IS a location. "Where that grey car is" IS a location to turn. "here" does not mean anything. I'm going 30 MPH, "here" is fucking 20 feet behind me by the time I even hear it. Also, I cannot see which car you're pointing at. Your finger is NOT a laser pointer, all I see is a number of cars and your hand pointing kinda towards any of them.
"Spaghetti is not the only type of pasta." "No, all things considered, I do think school shootings are bad."
the two i can think of are: 'don't throw my fucking laptop' and 'can i please have my weed back, officer?'
Don't put foil in the microwave. Don't take a hot pocket out of the microwave and pop it straight into your mouth.
i remember a couple more. 'but i thought last night was just a one night stand' 'no, i honestly don't want to be in a relationship with you' i know this is surprising to most, but the second quote came within a minute or so of the first. 'i was being sarcastic' or 'it was a joke' i don't know how many times i've said those, but i'm sure that number has at least 4, quite likely 5 digits.
me to, bacon in solid form rather [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoiloVis0_U]YouTube - Inna drinking a shot of bacon grease[/ame]