I really needed some place to vent and say the things that are never said...

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by no1knowswhoiam, May 7, 2012.

  1. My life has some secrets and i live with the weight of those secrets everyday.

    Ive went to very extreme lengths to cover up my identity. i made gc and email accounts from a computer at a location that is not my own. these are true things ive never said or made known before. to anyone. ever.

    Let me begin things to back when i was in high school. I was the leonardo dicaprio looking for a kate winslet. hope thats spelled right and the right actress from the titanic. hah.

    anyway. i dove head over heals for a few girls. 3 i think. Almost each relationship ended (not just counting those 3 girls but all relationships i had in hs...which was 6-7 i think) because of lies, deceit, and everyones favorite: cheating.

    No doubt it really hit me hard overtime. Taking emotional heartbreak over and over again.

    Once i got out of high school (not immediately) I proposed to my gf who i had been with for 3 years. we got together my senior year. we fought allllllllllllllllll the time. like at least once daily. if we went a day without a fight we'd have 2 the following day. sad but true.

    Anyway. A yr into our engagement that was supposed to be done on our relationship anniversary, she gives me the most spectacular bday present ever when she calls me on my bday after she got out of work to let me know shes been talking to some dude on one of those chat lines and said they been talking and shes gonna go meet up with him sometime soon.

    Like out of the F**KING BLUE! No fights or anything. we worked REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to get things to where we weren't fighting anymore and things were going good. it was like a month into things getting better between us and she pulls some sh&t like that. wtf. who does that?


    TLDR CROWD BEGIN READING HERE:

    anyway long story short now ive become what i hate.

    Now instead of receiving this type of emotional abuse im the one dishing it out. It makes me hate myself. Ive got like 3-4 girls lined up. Whats funny is im not really the "player" type. Its like in the last couple years ive changed and now im the predator.

    It makes me feel bad that ive got a couple good girls and ive kinda used them to full-fill my need for someone dwelling on me like i always use to do w/ them. its like if i have 4 girls im always gonna get attn when i need it and how i need it.

    Most people would brag and be like "im the man" but thats not how i really feel.

    I even do it in a big true a**hole way...as in they probably never find out about each other. like i planned carefully without me ever really considering what road im going down. Now i realized im really deep into a never ending circle of lies.

    its also very draining. it takes up all my time keeping up with each one.

    granted theres been one ive kept up with as much as possible for the last decade. many would say, "well quit BS'ing this is the one you just dont see it" but we have many differences that it seems like shes not willing to overcome. Like theres two big things that bug me about here. Something shes been reluctant to change. i promise its nothing for the worst im asking.

    Like im not saying "i want head everyday when i come home" or something. Im asking her to take better care of her health and her living conditions. i dont think thats too much to ask. really i dont.

    Since shes been fighting me on it its been hard to see past it. Deep down i feel she could be the right one for me but not unless said changes can be made because i cant live in and with those types of issues. its just too major for me. the sad part is the rest about her is pretty nice especially our sexual connection. weve been doing it for about a decade. shes one of the types tht gets turned on by giving head. no joke. that. is. nice! only girl ive met like that so with her head is pretty much at command because its like im doing her a favor since she gets turned on. weird i know but i win and she wins. shes very freaky in the right ways by nature. porn star like. i cant say enough about it but yeah.

    we have a lot of history together. in the past she even hooked me up with her cousin and her friend. so we were actually just friends at certain points too. i even hooked her up with my friend back in high school.

    while i was dating other girls we'd still talk 5 hrs on the phone at night. often more than id talk to my actual gf's at the time. weird i know.

    another girl lives in another state. shes younger than me (5yrs) and moved away two yrs ago. since she left we talk regularly. she even has flown in to see me many times. shes sweet but shes just too immature for me and boring in bed likes only missionary and nothing else...no foreplay...nothing. i cant live with that.

    the other two aren't worth mentioning really.

    seems like when things go sour with one i get another one to replace her.

    everyone has been added and replaced except the girl ive been with/been friends with/went out for a short period of time etc. she got on the list shortly after we met and has NEVER been off of it. pretty amazing. so lots of things point me to her but the thing thats scary is i do love her more than a friend. more than a fwb. i do love her in that i want to be with you way but not like how it feels to be "in love" like in the movies.

    i know life is not like a movie but ive felt that with other girls in the past (2 of them) so i know how its supposed to feel. i dont get that with her.

    i think it could be because we met and starting hooking up almost immediately without ever really establishing the chase. like we didnt meet as friends, talk, get to know each other then i develop the want for her. its like we just met and started having sex. we were each others first by the way.

    something between us makes it hard for me to have those "romeo" feelings. its like were in the "been married 10 yrs" phase and we havent really had any real length of time in real relationship phase except a yr but we decided to take the label off (well i pushed it) and kept seeing each other without that title on it.

    idk. my life is screwed. yeah sure i have something most guys want but once you get it i promise you'll change your mind (like me)


    thanks,

    your gc neighborhood scumbag.
     
  2. #2 chucktown, May 7, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2012
    Ay yo, to hell with that first bitch. Edit upon further reading.

    Make it work with 'her.'

    It's the only way. I've been in a much worse situation having to sacrifice friendships for my girlfriend. The one that you always go back to is the one. You've had the sexual connection for years.

    You're too mature for shenanigans like choosing who you like.

    The other girls are distractions, and mean nothing. You said it yourself.

    Your life is NOT a movie. Love does NOT exist in real life like it does in movies, because life isn't perfect, nor is love. Your life isn't over man; you're fucking in love! Be happy!
     
  3. Women...Can't live with 'em, can't live...Well, actually you just can't live with 'em.:cool:
     
  4. From the amount of bitching i see here it only makes sense that you are a girl, correct???

    If not you need to get over shit and move on.

    Simple as that.
     
  5. So, you're telling me your dad has had sex with ALL of your ex girlfriends?
     
  6. way tl
     
  7. thanks to the one guy who at least posted something decent.

    Incase anyone is curious as to whether or not this thread is a joke i can confirm its all fact.

    im really tired of living 3-4 lives at once and it sucks because ive been in this cycle for a long time now. half a decade probably.
     
  8. I have never seen so much text AFTER a tl:dr :)
     
  9. too long lol. whats up with hiding your identity or something cops after you lol? seems like u got bigger problems than girls lolz.
     
  10. thats how it goes sometimes though lol
     
  11. This is my life reversed. Fml. He and I just can't get it right. I hold hope of stopping loving him someday. Then I can quit being such a Bitch.
     


  12. Just because you come back and repost.... doesn't mean you "confirm it's all fact" lmao :cool:


    Want some decent advice - When I was young I dated lots of girls too, usually at the same time. Sometimes the girls didn't know and I'd get caught... or many of the times I didn't get caught. Sometimes I had multiple relationships going on at one time with multiple different women. Serious relationships.. doing multiple valentines day dates, multiple holidays, friday lunch dates with one girfriend and then later that night going out on friday night date with another girlfriend.

    Sometimes the girls knew and was just open and blatant and honest about it and the fact I was dating multiple women. Sometimes I lied and cheated and ran around. Sometimes getting caught, sometimes not. Some guys just kinda go through these periods when they are younger.

    But... as you grow older you kinda grow out of that. Or at least I did. Maybe you're coming to realize this. You're coming to realize you feel bad for cheating and running around and hurting people. That's what happened to me. I dated multiple women, and sometimes even genuinely loved multiple women at the same time. But eventually you grow out of it, eventually you see the kinda damage and pain your inflicting on girls you "love" or even just "like". That and you kinda just run out of energy/desire to be running around all the time, lieing and covering your tracks all the time.
     
  13. I'm sure it isn't just me but....

    isn't your TLDR version LONGER than the original post?

    c'mon dude! :smoke:
     
  14. [quote name='"sh4ky"']I'm sure it isn't just me but....

    isn't your TLDR version LONGER than the original post?

    c'mon dude! :smoke:[/quote]

    That part did make me laugh. Tldr is obviously not an easy art to master lol
     
  15. [quote name='"zoomme"']

    That part did make me laugh. Tldr is obviously not an easy art to master lol[/quote]

    ^ this...

    Lol
     
  16. Make up your fucking mind. Only you know who you want to be with and what you should do, etc... Do some growing up while you're at it.

    /thread
     


  17. true it doesnt mean its all fact but i dont have much to gain by lying either. its not like im making outrageous claims.


    ALSO FOR THE TL;DR crowd i meant to make it short after posting that. however i was stoned and rambled on and on.

    basically all im trying to say is im living many different lives


    the part that freaks me out is i didnt have that phase as much when i was younger because i had serious relationship after serious relationship. now im free and i without consciously deciding to ive switched roles and become pretty much a huge player. like i never knew i was capable of such deception. it amazes me to an extent. never seen it in myself.

    i feel like a bigger jerk though for studying these people then figuring out ways to move around them without causing suspicion.

    it concerns me that i changed into this the older i got. now i kinda do wanna think about a family and such but its hard when i can't shake how i am.

    now im more likely to think i should just live with a few women who are all aware of the situation and just live that type of life but lets be honest...it probably would never happen and even if it did id probably get tired of that too and how dysfunctional it would be.

    its like im so deep i really honestly dont know how to stop....and to the first person that says, "just tell em all the truth" would be...yeah...i might as well just stop talking to all of them. so yeah. im not too sure thats what i wanna do.
     
  18. #19 illrolling, May 7, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2012
    you better not be a troll sir cause fuck that and what you might be saying to someone
    edit: other then that man I feel for you and wish you the best of luck. maybe you should just step away from it all..the past is the past and you do not have to be anything like it.
     
  19. Ppl spend so much time on here trying to figure out if ppl are trolls that the thread gets derailed in a troll or no troll argument. Sad really.

    Op, its time for some alone time. That shit isn't easy at first but eventually you'll wonder if you CAN deal with a girl cause you will start to like and love yourself again. Time to get back to you and the only way to do that is break it off with ALL of them.
     

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