i really fuckin hate drugs

i dont even know how i should start this thread, i suppose i'll start from yesterday.


so yesterday, i had 3 xanax bars, i shoulda had more for myself but my dude had a warrant for his arrest so he couldnt sell me his hole script like usual, he flipped 50 of em for 6 a peice and gave me the other 40 for 4 a peice, n i usually pay 3 n get 70 out of his 90 pill script, but anyway, thats not important nor why i hate drugs

now, on my way to the liquor store to meet my friend in 20 minutes, i got pulled over cuz i almost t-boned this fuckin car that pulled out in front of me and my friend hung out the window n flipped him off n the cop was behind us, takes ID's, bitches a little, and lets us go, but thats not why i hate drugs either haha, don worry i'll get to it in the next paragraph

ok, so we get our 100 proof, n i pop my 3 bars, and drink 6 gulps down to chase it, cuz u want them fuckers floatin in alcohol in ur stomach for full effects, and then i drive to the weedmans crib all the while drinkin right out the bottle drivin down the highway, cuz thats my version of drinkin and driving, drink while ur drivin to somewhere so ur drunk by the time u get there. anyways, got the weed, a quarter of dank and cut of some high grade mids for these kids i was with, n they smoked a blunt with me...... heres where i start forgettin some shit here n there, somewhere down the line we dropped them kids off, n i called up my dopeman n copped a half bun for 45, except i realized when i got there all i had was 50 n he didnt have change, so i jus gave him 50 n got the fuck out of the ghetto cuz i aint got no street names to say if i tried pullin off "my friend from rehab lives down here shit" in the event of bein arrested

got back to my friends house (he was on bars to), and by this time we had drank almost the entire bottle of vodka, and i mixed my dope up, put it in this bigass fuckin needle cuz its all i had, n shot all 5 bags

now, that probably seems bad, because welll, it is.. one of my friends who was one of my very first weed dealers died doing this, except he took 5 bars and shot 2 bags, not to mention he was a xanax addict and a junkie too

i thought this as i was puttin the shit in my arm, n due to the xanax induced carefreeness, i jus said to myself "fuck it if i die, then i wont have no worries"

but, bein the fuckin drug beast that i am (and no i'm not bragging) i didnt even get "really fucked up" but i did feel really good, then, BAM out of nowhere i find tis half full bottle of liquid hydromorphone (dilaudid), shit u can only get at a hospital, split it in half and me n my friend both bang that, then our one friend n his sister come in his room n smoke us up n this dumbass kid offers me lexapro, i was like "the fuck is lexapro gonna do" n he was sayin 3 of em is like a half bar, so i was like fuck it n he gave me 5 of em n i popped them down

then.....

me n my friend get the bright fuckin that since they determine how drunk you are by your blood alcohol content, y not put alcohol directly into ur blood stream, tried that, burns like a motherfucker, but doesnt work

theres alot of shit i dont remember, but thats the shit i do remember

but i look in my wallet this morning, n i have 20 dollars, i had around 85 before i got dope, fuck dope dude, the past 2 paychecks i've had its drained n i hate this shit, cuz i got mad bills to pay on tuesday, n thats gonna leave me with hardly any money again... n when ur a smoker like me 20 dollars isnt shit when u need to last until tuesday after work because i got the choice of not going anywhere and having cigarettes, or kind of enjoying myself and then not have cigarettes

i honestly think i need to just quit fuckin with smokin weed, doin drugs, smokin cigarettes, anything that i buy that simply goes into my body and does not benefit me in anyway. i think about how much fuckin money i've spent n i have nothing to show for it, no nice clothes, nothing that i'd like to have that is within reason, because "if i buy this, i'll be short on money to get high"

and i know talk of selling drugs is prohibited on this forum, but its the only way i can see myself making enough money to be able to get out of this hell of a home where everyone is against me and wants me out, and that is THE NUMBER 1 PRIORITY i have right now, but i keep losing focus of that and focus more on trying to get a temporary escape from the way i feel about how my life is going nowhere. but at the same time i really want to go to college and get a degree in psychology, maybe as like a counselor or something, because i genuinly enjoy helping people feel better about themselves and helping them come up with logical ideas of how to handle their problems. my only curse though is although i'm good at helping others make changes for the better, i cant save myself.

and in order to pay for college, i would have to be fully self supporting, buy books and pay tuition and what not, and i know financial aid covers some of it but i wont even be able to get any student loans, because most likely since i have no credit except for a past due credit card bill that i still havent fuckin received and have called twice about.

i could get a student loan with one condition though, called a co-signer, that i dont have because while i'm trying to escape this hell, my father is trying to get disability so he can live here forever off of a monthly check and my grandfathers checking account and just enjoy a nice early fuckin retirement and go play pool tournaments even more than he does now and be best friends with all his pool buddies, but then come home with mcdonalds with a burger for him and one for the fuckin dog, with nothing for me, and then be pissed off at me for no reason ontop of putting a fuckin mangy ass needs to be euthanized dog before his own sons need to eat

i dont even know if that thread made any sense at all, it was just me explaining my life again, nothing new, u aint gotta post a reply, cuz like i said, i cant help myself and others cant either for whatever reason