i need some support right now. i have no one to talk to.

Here's the long story, don't worry for all you afraid of wall's of text, i will summarize at the bottom as well.

So basically, at the end grade 9 i noticed this quiet little christian girl, and we became friends. then came summer break, and high school. i became extremely interested in girls, and she wasn't interested in relationships at all. how did i learn this out?

i started liking her. and i told her. only to be shot down, "i'm not ready to date". fast forward grade 10 and a few hookups (mostly getting some boobs and making out ) to grade 11. i told her again, i loved her, and finally she agreed to give it a try.

so i was her first boyfriend, her first kiss, her first a lot of stuff (except for the exciting things, i know, but purity was important to her, who am i to take that away? still i struggled with my hormones and my lust for her (in tune with love).

after grade 12 ended, she suddenly texted me while i was away on a grad camping trip. after i got back, i turned on my phone, only to receive "i don't want to date you anymore, i think we should stop seeing each other".


i was crushed. i really loved her. you guys don't understand every night we would talk on the phone for hours, the record being like 8 hours. we were together as much as possible, which was hard sometimes because everyone she knew disproved of me (the agnostic).

so here we are now. 8 months later, and she even cut off being my friend. she went from being head over heels in love with me, (like the very day BEFORE i left for the camping trip, she was actually crying about being afraid that i don't love her as much anymore) to not giving a crap if we talk anymore.

now she's already gone through another guy (he cheated on her she told me a few months ago) AND she's maintaining the idea that i was abusive with her. that i didn't treat her like the "princess" she was, that i took her innocence away all we did was dry sex for crying out loud.


anyways i'm just posting this for some support, or maybe you guys can relate.

i just don't understand, my heart is so torn up. my best friend, the love of my life, hates me, thinks i was abusive, and refuses to talk to me/see me.

i've given up on winning her back, even though in high school she dumped me like 4-5 times and each time i won her back (she dumped me each time because of the religion thing)

but i am just torn up the most by the fact that she doesn't even care if she talks to me anymore. like what if i died right now? she wouldn't even know. she wouldn't ever find out or care. it breaks my heart.


SHORT STORY:

this girl who i met in grade 9 became my best friend and first love, only to dump me and tell me i was abusive and didn't take care of her. but she gave me EXTREMELY confusing signals and really screwed me up. now i have emotional problems and damage, and she STILL maintains the notion that I am abusive, and controlling.

i would always offer to carry stuff for her, i was always there for her. i stood up for her and tried to look out for her best interest. someone please tell me why i'm suffering so much? it doesn't feel fair at all.

and she's already gone through another guy saying she dated him for a few weeks till he cheated on her by kissing another girl (hmm, i wonder why, maybe he discovered she's a crazy controlling insane forgetful bitch)




if you guys want examples of her being crazy and confusing here they are:

she would always let go of my hand in public, meaning i was never allowed to go near her or touch her when other people might see

she sometimes would come to my house, just so we could make out, and other times she would get mad at me for only wanting to be physical with her. like wtf that's SO confusing to me.

she told me she would always be my friend, and even though we might eventually break up, she will always be in my life. i told her she said this, and she said "i know. things change"


last but not least, please don't reply telling me to stop being a pussy and go get my dick wet or something. i'm not that type of guy, nor am i ready for that shit right now.

thanks for your help everyone.

 

i summarized my post near the end of my OP. check it out... the large post is necessary though i think. to paint a picture of what i'm going through so people can actually help me out. but yeah check out the "short story version"

 

yeah, cause i figured why not in here too, hopefully i can get some replies that aren't from douchebags like you.

did you know i've been suicidal for the past 3 years? how do you feel now dick head. not everyone deals with things the same, go fuck yourself. god if i'm ever contemplating killing myself and i'm very close to doing it, i'm sure as fuck not coming to you, you'd probably laugh at me and say "do it pussy"

god people like you make me sick. have some god dammed compassion ffs. we're all human beings here. maybe someday you'll be in a similar situation and someone like ME will give you some help. well probably not anymore because you've gained some bad karma now.

good luck with that. i try to give each person who needs help a thoughtful remark so they can use it to better themselves with. not things like "stop being a bitch".

fuck this is the last thing i needed right now.

 

thanks guys, i'm really trying hard to forget her, but it's hard when you spend so much time with someone, everything starts to remind you of them. and i mean EVERYTHING. like some gay shit has happened. omggg that chair .... you get the idea lol.


and no, i wasn't a pussy with her. when people treated her wrong, i was a strong man. i'm no pussy, just a tender loving person. treat me well, and i'll be your best friend
as for the book carrying thing, i just believe in chivalry is all. and when you love someone, doing things for them isn't really a chore, you actually ENJOY doing it. at least in my opinion...

 

yep that's one good lesson learned. i thought it wouldn't matter, because i didn't care what religion she was, but she cared that i was different. i thought love would win, and that all the crap we argued about or that seperated us wouldn't matter. cause it didn't with me. did i care if she went to church and that shit? no.

but she sure cared that i didn't go. i even offered to start going with her, but of course, no. she was ashamed that people would see me. she was always ashamed of me.

 

my girl problem is a very long story yes, but why wouldn't it be. if i asked you to write up your relationship with someone close to you, would it not be long too? would you note remember a lot of details that you think would help people understand the situation?

and 5 page essay? i actually didn't write that much, it may appear as if i did, but 7 short paragraphs will do that. try reading it, you'll find you'll be done in like a minute.


but yeah, ask any questions you guys have. it's nice talking to people who aren't just trying to get me angry or upset.

 

what's hard for you, might not be hard for me, whereas what's hard for me, might not be hard for you. everyone is different, and everyone deals with things differently. remember this.

my life isn't necessarily hard, but i have terrible luck. while all my others friends and people have things fall into their lap for them, i'm always unlucky.

For example: i think the worst day i've ever had, was that girl (my ex) broke up with me, told my guidance councillor i was depressed (i didn't need that), i went back to my locker, and my cellphone, wallet, and iPod was stolen.

all that, at the same time. shit like that just happens to me. i get pummelled with shitty luck and bad timing. i'm a super nice person, very caring and i love to make people laugh, yet i find all my friends take me for granted. take advantage of me, etc.

Another example: i blaze everyday, my friends take advantage of this, when i complain, they say "well what do you expect? weed is a social drug, you can't smoke it and not expect to share it" and i said "well you guys could at least be thankful for smoking the stuff that I pay for" and they basically just laughed in my face. a lot of people say "find new friends" but that is really hard for me especially with my recent personality change. i'm just so quiet.

i just get screwed over a lot of the time you know? and i was fed up with it for awhile. who knows, the suicidal thoughts may come back. i'm still depressed, but i'm guessing i'll always want to be able to enjoy the herb and play video games more then kill myself.

 

well then we should form an alliance and find more! i think i just need to communicate with more people similar to me, jeez it seems there's no one out there like me lately. i don't connect with anyone anymore