theres people like me. its a shame. no one deserves this. exept this guy. im locked up for life in this cell. my cells. my brain. my blood. my body. and my heritage.my future. present. and past. i come here with an open heart and open mind. everyday. im not looking for worries, sadness, or someone to feel my feelings. not someone to care, worry or want me. i don't want attention and i don't deserve any, anyways. if i was a man, the man i claim to be. i wouldn't be. i love everyone, and everything good that happens to this earth, and the people involved. Ive got this girl, i held onto for just in case. she moved on. she is her own self ,a prize. i should have been with her from the start, not cared about how it looked, or what people felt. she is what i think about. what i want. i cant be with her, its tainted now. its funny how you go from her being a stupid fall back girl, but in the end. i got it all back on me. its funny how it works. i want to do it all over again knowing what i know now. but instead ima sit in my room for hours. putting this stuff in my nose or whatever i can get ahold. I know this site doesn't want drug talk. i respect that, i respect everyone. i just have nowhere else to go. ive tried talking to everyone i know, and no one is picking up. ive always been here, and ill never leave. insomnia is a bitch. i haven't slept in days. i picture my demise... and its more bright than my future. this is not a poem im not a poet, im not anything but a disaster. sorry guys. i just had to type exactly what i was feeling. this just all flowed out. im really not feeling right at all... i just hope somone might relate and might possibly have some words of inspiration. because i dont have any motivation. and im worn out from life, even tho i do nothing pretty much all day. i go to school, work part time. other then that i see a few guy friends and shit. and girls that are friends sorta. but everyone dislikes me i think especially girls. im gross. and dumb. and goofy. and of course super fucking gross.
ik i sound retarded man. but idk. i dont talk to many people about my life and shit. i like to be like all happy and positive but idk. i dont feel it anymore. at all. sorry for wasting your time killa4thekush and everyone else.
see man i should be the same way. but i dont want to hate. i want it all to be candy and lollipops and sunshine haha. fuck im gay
that means you still have some positive vibes in you its all in our heads man but its only up to you to change this situation ONLY YOU can change your life shouldnt be like this but life is just shit... for some
Change. Wake up one day, tomorrow, some day next week/month/year, and just say fuck it and move on. Life is drastically different anywhere you go... which could be a mile up the fuckin road. Just gotta move on.
Damn raw. That's hella good no lies! But hey I'm sure your not gross, that girl lost a truly collect guy and she'll realize it soon enough.. Anyways just move on get out of your house and just live! Don't put stuff up your nose, raw noses are not good Ahaha well just hang in there guy, I'd love to kick it with you if you was in my town EDIT: I forgot to add that I felt like you too, I was unmotivated, depressed dare I say it and flat out just done with everything. I'm taking it day by day and just trying to remember that good things will come soon. It cant really get any worse, so it's only gonna get better. But yeah it sucks and I feel you 100% but every little things gonna be alright! Haha
thanks everyone. should i try to make it work with this girl. i just cant get over how many guys she fucked. she wants to change. she just does it to be close to somone htinking the guys really love her. they all gone but i stay here for her and shit. idk should i and how do i get over her weakness. i want nothing more then her. it makes me feel weak and small. and dumb for wanting her after all this shit. but its true i care and love her. idk man i hate to sound emo and pussy which im not. i just dont know how to explain my feelings so when i do im drastic.
No you don't! Man it's okay to vent. You write fucking gooooood. And damn I wanna get high cause yeah so
thanks bella i just read ur posts. thanks alot. it does mean alot to me knowing there is others like this that have gotten out of the slump.
how many guys are we talking bout? haha jk she says she wants to change? you say you want nothing more than her? you are just gonna have to give it a try i say follow your heart mon
i think its somthing like 8 guys. which is alot. but she is like me mentally disturbed. she relies on fake love from guys for her happyness. she doesnt know how to be happy with out making ppl like her. or for example. sleeping with a guy because he lies n tells her he loves her. i love this girl like i said because we are both fucked in the head. she is funny. wierd. just an odd ball, but in a good way. not retarded. just a wierd attitude towards life and shit. she is great. but i ditch her alot. so i cant hate on her for being with other guys. i just am scared to lock in this relationship. i dont want to get hurt. i want to marry this girl and have a family. she is my one and only. but has so many downfalls. but if i can looks past that past of hers. and be with her. and make sure she is with me 100percent, im down. fuck. idk. on may 26th i got a vacation booked. and its a surprise for me and her. im taking her to italy. we got relatives there and she always wanted to go so bad. so idk im thinking of purposing there if it works out right. which i know deep down it will prolly.
i just dont want to get playd. im afraid. but should i just leap into it. and give life a chance in a sense? Edit. she isnt a player. she is a down to earth person. just with a few downfalls. she isnt out to hurt me she truly cares but like i said i do ditch her alot. and shit. such a sweet girl she deserves the best and i feel down on myself so i ditch her. because i dont want to get hurt like i said or hurt her. somtimes id rather pretend in my head like the future of me and her all happy. i think about it every night and all day in class.
You only live once, I say go for it. But in the end it's your decision. You should tell her everything you said on here, thats she's your one and only and you accept her for who she is regardless of her mistakes or as you said mental problems.
(personally i wouldnt give a fuck about that 8 guys imo is not really that much) you will show her true love, and she will learn and then you are happy for ever
i was pissed at her for the longest. and mad at my family.they all went to the court house behind my back and signed statements that i was in danger to myself. because of severe drug abuse and addiction. and i got placed in treatment. for 2 months.(court ordered) she visited me every day visitors were allowed. my parents and family didnt even do that. just once every week or so. i mean obv this girl cares about me. and 8 guys aint to bad. but it seems like alot somtimes to me. it really fucks with my head and makes me want to die knowing she is that tainted. idk. i love her end of story and ill do anything to make it work. 2maro im going to talk to her for along time about everything. and make sure were on track.
its a 2 way street i need to be there for her more. and she wouldnt feel bad if i didnt make her upset and feel shitty. from ditching her. making her find a man to feel good. or whatever.