Well, to spare you the long details of how I bottomed out on the depressive side of bipolar, I will just say that I tried to kill myself. And I failed. I had a change of heart, and I went to the ER. Then they put me in ICU. And they saved my liver, and then I went inpatient psych for a week. I had my meds completely changed. I got a new doctor, a much better one. And a lil vacation from work, if you can call it that. I am feeling better, but not my best. I have hope now, which I couldn't say before. I feel safe now, which I couldn't say before. It's going to take some time, and a lot of hard work to get myself healthy the way that I want to be. Can anyone relate to this? Feel free to share your stories, opinions, and ideas. I am really nervous to go back to work. People already magically managed to find out why I have been gone, and what happened. -___- I know that in reality, a lot of people struggle with their mental health, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. But also, in reality, there is still a huge stigma and a lot of people who I do not care to share this with, or be judged by. I hope everything goes smoothly, when I transition back. During my stay, I was diagnosed with a few things. PTSD. Bipolar II. BPD. Mood disorder. Chronic insomnia. Depersonalisation disorder. And anxiety disorder. Most of this, I already knew. But the way they are going about things is different. My old pdoc was treating mainly the mania side of things, which caused me to go deeper into depression. And my new doctor is focusing more on mood regulation and impulse control. I WAS on depakote er and klonopin. And now I am on Latuda and nuerontin. I guess I will see how this goes.
Never attempted suicide but I'm schizophrenic and a few other things and think about suicide all the time. If I knew of an easy way to commit suicide I'd probably have done it already but I always hear about people who try to commit suicide and living.
my opinion is that you don't need to be ending your life prematurely. please feel free to vent out. those are some serious and dangers disorders if not treated properly or suppressed my uncles gf "tried" to kill her self, but it was her way of seeking attention, because she would have finished the job if she really did try to kill her self. Until just recently that have been living a happy life for the past 10 years.
I think a lot of people who attempt suicide are not necessarily truly wanting to die, they are just helpless and hopeless. And I think they NEED attention. It's good to get help. It's just bad that it came to that.
Mental disorders are HEAVILY stigmatized. One time I knew a friend who was thought he could turn to a close friend for support. The response was "find someone else to talk to your problems about". When my friend tried contacting this person again, she reported it to the campus health center for harassment and my friend had to get an evaluation.
I hope you are treated well, and have a good therapist. That shit sucks. I hear ya, even though I am not schizo.
yeah um i took a lot of Tylenol aspirin and klonopin i didn't have anything else to do the job it wasn't really "planned" per say just impulsive
Bi-polar aint no joke either. My medication (asenapine) is very helpful. There was a time in the past where medication couldn't help me as I was completely lost touch with reality but I've made a lot of progress and nowadays the medication seems to cancel out the majority of the leftover side-effects (like hearing voices and paranoia) and I can act fairly normal but am still miserable from the past.
hope you find everything in life your looking for op. Remember no matter how low you go suicide is never the answer. good luck man and hope you feel better soon! depression is hard to get out of but you can beat it!
Been in your shoes and walked the same path (BPD, anxiety disorder, chronic insomnia). It's rough no doubt about it, but ending life doesn't solve the problem and only leaves behind hurt and broken families. After my second suicide attempt i was finally given the help i needed. 6 years later i no longer need to take meds, and i finally feel in control of my mind, life, etc. i still struggle daily with my conditions, but it has gotten better. I had to learn to control my own mind and stop certain trains of thought before they left the station. Not saying this works for everyone, but it has for me. What i'm getting at is there is hope, and there is always people that care deeply about you even when it doesn't feel like it. Don't feel bad pr ashamed turning to a friend, loved one, or even us here on GC if your having trouble and need to talk. Your in no way alone, there's lots of us out there. Keep your head up and looking down the road, just keep truckin on.
Not gonna lie. Was in your shoes. Woke up the next day barely able to talk or walk. Got taken to the ER and spent a couple days in an inpatient program. I'm just happy that you survived and that you feel optimistic about how everything is going. If you ever need to talk, message me. I'm not perfect at anything but I will listen and I truly genuinely care.
I don't know how I could do it without meds. I mean, my case is slightly different. But my imbalance in my brain is not very nice. And I don't know if I could manage it without medication. Fuck, it sucks. But thanks for your support and kind words. =]
Just read this - I'm bipolar too, I'm fairly well at the moment, just got a new job offer. It is a destructive condition though - I had a close call last year, so hope you're alright OP. I was just talking to another guy over on Rogan's board who was discussing the therapeutic application of weed, I'm looking for a CBD rich strain (difficult in the UK). I had to explain suicidal thoughts to my girlfriend - I said it is a symptom of a psychiatric condition, and that everyone has their own pain threshold, you may find that threshold is held up with friends, family, your work, your pets, your favourite places, your favourite habits/hobbies, but that suicide is not necessarily a facet of someone's personality, just a symptom of the sum chemical/spiritual balance. So take what help you can, try not to consider all those labels too much - stigma only enters your life when you act the victim, I find the best remedy for stigma is to belittle it, it soon shrinks like it's a cancer on that person's ball sack. I won't go into my own episodes too much, but it is an ongoing battle. Thoughts are with you OP.
be careful with them labels like how much do they actually help? maybe its like telling your self you are broken or somthing... maybe you just have one disorder like aspergers that shows up as a variety of disorders. maybe someone diagnosing you for a week is not enough time to know you. maybe you are just diffrent maybe you are magic maybe you need to sleep outside or find a more natural way to live? maybe your weaknesses is the normal world translate to some special healing powers or compassion powers that may serve man kind on the astral level. maybe you should shave your head maybe its all a joke and nothing is wrong at all and its just the pains of growing up in a plastic world. fuck meds go move to a buddhist monestary or some hippy farm and be your self run aorund with out close on be free with animals. idk but maybe..
Yah. I was institutionalized at PPI. I had a pretty good time actually. The events that lead to the institutionalization were not so 'fun'.
tried to kill myself when i was 13, and again at 14 and again at 16. still think about doing it nearly everyday. i go through ups and downs. i just stopped being happy when i was 12. when i tried to do it at 13 i was just being stupid, i didnt really want to do it, but still wanted to if that makes sense. i was in a slumpthen. and i just kept going down down down until i tried again at 14 and this time it was for real, i thought id be sad for the rest of my life, i felt sick from it. it felt like eeverything was wrong, like everything had just gotten fucked up, colors were the wrong color, sounds were the wrong sounds, music were the wrong notes so i tried to hang myself with a shirt tied around a hole in an i beam in my basement but i think the swinging caused it to scrape against the metal and rip. eventually came out of the slump for a span of like 2 or 3 months, then went right back into it harder than ever. felt the same way, except 10 times worse and on top of that i was throwing back hella pain killers and any other pill i could get my hands on, decided i t wasnt worth the work to keep going, threw back 17 hydros and a xanie bar. woke up 9 hours later in a puddle of vomit on my basement floor, which was weird cause i did it upstairs in my room came up again for a solid 6 months, but of course, right back down again. 16 at this point, cant really remember how it felt or how i tried to kill myself cause i was back on the pills, i i know i tried to buy a gun to do it but its hard to do when your 16... i guess i learned to live for the times that im "up". but when im down it feels like my feet are stuck in cement and i know that if i just keep walking i coould make it out of the dark but my feet are stuck and im just fucked but these days i carry on till eventually i get out of the cement, and make every god damn second of the time i am up count
i like the train of thought and honestly i believe it. i think if i lived my life on a beach, surounded by the people i like and a ton of reefer, id never have a sad day