I don't know where this belongs. What I'm about to say probably doesn't even belong on GC, but damnit, please, I just need to vent. I'm a freshman in college and I have no idea where my life is going. And that scares the crap outta me. Now, I know most of you will say "You're just a freshman, you've got plenty of time to figure it out, do what makes you happy, etc. etc. etc." That's good and great and all, but I'm not even sure if I know what makes me happy any more. I don't even think I want to be in school anymore. I'm pretty sure I want a degree because I want to be successful, but I'm not sure if college is right for me right now, ya know? I'm afraid that if I leave now, I may not come back. But if I stay here, I'm afraid I'm going to do something bad to myself... I hate this crap, but I keep doing it anyway. I don't know why, but college kinda makes me want to die. I have absolutely no idea why. I know that no one said it was going to be easy; I understand that. But it shouldn't make me feel this bad, should it? Is it bad if one of my dreams in life is to just find my soul mate, get a decent house (nothing lavish), decent cars (Chevy's are fine), and just smoke a lot? I just want to be happy. I don't need expensive things. I don't need to own the world. I just want to be happy with my life and myself. I've actually considered joining the Peace Corps or something, to help people. If I don't do that, I kinda just want to go cross country and just see what's out there, meet new people, learn and grow and experience life. I want to do some soul-searching and hear what others have to say, and make people smile. I just want to lead a good life, being nice. I'm sick of all the hate in the world. Sorry, I'm rambling now. Sorry for wasting space. (Kinda seems like I do that a lot - not just in GC...) Sorry for wasting your time if you bothered to read this. I just had to get it out. Thank you.
you can always take a year or two off college.. my friend's older bro did that when he was 19-- he dropped out for a year and he went to italy just to see what else is out there, ya know? I think he even met a girlfriend there, i gotta ask him when i see him again . But yeah, if school is just not "right" for you right now remember there's nothin holding you back to try different paths in life. I see people everyday who are stressing to make that "A" or get that raise, but they dont really know where they are going.. it's kinda sad. I sure as hell dont want to get stuck in the 9-5 cycle of life till im 65.. living paycheck to paycheck. I almost want to move to a secluded place in africa with a few good friends and just go back to a simpler way of life. I mean, there's no wrong way to live your life.. and i think it's better to follow your own desires and not be sucked into this whirlpool of society with cars and money and gadgets and crap.. thats what im thinking right now and im also rambling and i just smoked a beautifully rolled jay. Theres nothing like a perfect cone to lift ya up to the point, what i would do is take a year or two off and travel someplace or do something a little out of the ordinary and you may just find something you really enjoy and wouldnt spend your life doing
I signed up just for you. Im a 19 year old guy and I had to look twice to make sure I didnt write the original post. Its incredible how similar our stories are. First off, youre depressed. youve got to help that. Im not into pills, but they work for some people... I would make sure your diet is good, and try to get something other than weed that makes you happy. (some would say a "hobby" but I dont feel it neccesarily needs that label) For alot of people weed can spur depression, but its all a mind game.... If you keep positve thoughts and an optimistic outlook youll do great! youre moving ahead in college! if you quit, it may just worsen things. I dropped college, got a shitty job.... and it sucked, I could barely pay my bills, and wasnt progressing in my life. No matter how fucked up it seems, college is a necessity. its a constant progression, and if you look at it as a positive thing, it may actually HELP your depression. youre doing the best thing you can do in your life right now. weed is cool, but it can mess with your balance if you let it. I smoked around 3o's a month of the dankest oregon bud for a couple years, and all I got at the end of that was an empty spot. We are a prideful creature, for the most part, production (whatever it may be) is the way to happiness. you produce a good home, good realationships, comfort, and potentially kids. you take great pride in these things, and that makes you happy. dont get stagnant. if youre idle for to long, you lose your edge. keep up the production and be prideful in it. so it breaks down easy. 1. get healthy (food, excersize, mental) most colleges have great mental health help. and it is just that, HELP. its free, and works wonders check the shit out. 2. self reflection, is weed causing a problem? is it becoming controlling? if so, take control of it and use it in a more positive way. 3. Progress. as long as their is progress in your life you can feel good! Im ripped as hell, and this was probably more for my therapy than yours, but alot of people feel really similar to you, and there is hope. you can be completely happy in life, its up to you.
Stoned Fisher has some good advice. It's funny because I'm probably in the same spot as both of you. The last thing you should do is quit going to school.
i was in the same place as you once. I just wasn't very happy overall with college. I looked within myself and came to the conclusion that I should try to find something else that made me happy, and so, i joined the marines. now, i'm not advocating anything as drastic as that. but there are plenty of alternatives to college (even if only for a year or whatever). my friend cole took a year off after his freshman year. he decided to do the whole low budget tour of europe thing. he was particularly excited about good 'ol Amsterdam. he prepared for his trip by learning customs and courtesies and things like that..packed a backpack, and got on a plane for holland. well, he arrived in amsterdam and chilled there for a couple of weeks, living in hostels and sampling the finest of herb. he then went on to see other parts of europe (i think i probably woulda just chilled in a-dam )
enlisting is signing up for hell for 2 yrs isnt it? how will that make it better? He doesnt need a test of his physical strength he needs help for his mental health lol
if you're going to enlist.. I highly suggest the air force. best quality of life by far, and their boot camp is cake. just don't join the marines. i think i've posted this before, but I'll do it again. The drug tests in the marines are hardcore. you're woken up at 3am by a screaming sergeant, who watches you to make sure that you don't try to shove a fake dick in your shorts. then as a formation, you are marched over to wherever the drug testing is (3 buildings over on our base). from the moment you enter the testing facility, eyes are on you to make sure you're not tryin to switch piss, etc...you are walked down the hallway to the bathroom by another sergeant or corporal, who then observes you pissing into the cup. when i say observes, i mean observes. like right over your shoulder. extremely hard to beat. we do have some cool camo though eh?
I'm a 19yo college sophmore, and I felt the same way at some point. I still feel that way sometimes. I think it's pretty normal.
*She* doesn't need a test.... I'm sorry. This is the second correction I've made concerning he/she, and I don't want to be a bitch about it, I just don't want people thinkin' I'm a dude when I'm all chick.
Tons of people feel this exact way, it just seems that you are getting hit exceptionally hard with it. School sucks, and it's no fun at all, but it's almost a necessity the way the world works today. People hate being forced to do crap that they don't want to do. Take a break if you like, but beware: many people who take breaks take lifelong breaks...they can never bring themselves back to school after they leave. Why would that be a bad dream? Any goal in life that you have is a good one, as long as it doesn't hurt other people. If it's what you want, that's what counts. Hell, what you just said right there is my exact ultimate goal. Shit, I'm even planning a multi-thousand dollar grow op to provide me with all the weed I'm gonna smoke! Do what you want for yourself, and that's all.
my bros a marine. im getting him to send me home some of those forest camo pants. Damn that digital pattern is sweet. Comfy as shit too (atleast i thought so.)
marines, yes--with the exception of force recon, security forces UW (presidential guard, ya know, the marines that are with the chopper and salute the prez?) air force- yes--except you can't fly, and it limits your technical jobs (uhh ok so i cross the red wire and the blue wire?? lol)
I've thought about joining the air force but havent made a decision yet.I always just wanted to fly something that fast but never wanted to commit to the two or four years or whatever it is because thats a big thing you can't just get out of.
im a freshman as well. college didnt meet up with my expectations at all, the first few weeks i just felt like i was at some kind of summer camp or w/e and i just thought it sucked ass. I felt the same way that i should just quit, but i cant because i need the degree and you need that to get a decent paying career. After this first quarter though, im starting to like it more and i think that it was just a phase. its good that you vent, its when you bottle it up inside and dont seek help that it becomes a problem. I would say atleast just stick out the first year, if by that point you still cannot stand it then go from there, but if you don't give it a full chance then you cant complain. i know this probably isnt helping at all, but just know that you are not alone, there ARE other that feel, for the most part, the same as you
^^^ Plus, in my experience and confirmed by my roommate who's a year ahead of me, your freshman year isn't much like the rest of college. People are still in highschool mode, at least at the beginning of the freshman year.