I just came to sad, kinda fucked up realization

I wouldn't really call it a realization in a way but for the first time I've pieced all the stuff thats happened in the past year together. So i've been laying in bed for the past hour coming down off a flight and can't sleep so I'm just thinking. Mostly about way back when me and my 3 other really close buddies would just kick it, take a couple bong rips, watch TV and just shoot the shit. We'd chill like this every day and we've done it since about 7th grade but now it just seems like everything has changed so much, or maybe it's an identity crisis, or maybe it's just growing up.

Then I got real good friends with the kid who use to be my main dealer, chilled everyday. Then we kinda didn't, probably because he was a couple years older than me and he went through his party stage and got a serious girlfriend

Skip ahead a couple years and I started chilling at this one kid's house. Kinda a party house, everyone came by, kooks, straight kids, preppy kids, drug dealers. But the regulars were real friends, kinda young in the mind but honest in the heart.

So then theres the other people I sometimes chill with, least of everyone, which is mainly just drug kids, they're straight but they're shady. Would just be bitchy if everyone was sober. Kinda people that push people to see how far they can go and just fuck with everyone

I live in a real small town so everyone knows everyone. Now the one kid whose house I use to chill at moved. I talked to him and asked if I could cruise over. "Nah, too many people". He gives me this shit for a couple days then finaly he comes out and says he doesn't want me to know where he lives cause he doesn't want too many people to find out. Hes has 3 bongs stolen. Now this hurts because these all good friends, and I would never steal stuff from them, but I talked to him and I think hes going to be straight now but he hasn't really man'd up about anything I said.

Now one of my best friends I never get to see because hes pretty much does nothing but work and school.

Now my other one just seems like hes fading away and this is one hurts the most, he only hangs out with people when they have bud. He's gets real personal about his and conserves. But people just annoy him now. He'd rather stay at home than hang out with other people and be sober. Use to be the most outgoing person I knew, absolutely fucking crazy. Now hes just mellow. I can't really explain it anymore. We're still close but shits changed all so much. I watched a video of when he was tripping one day then we were all just doing our thing and it almost made me cry, same as while I'm typing this.

Seems like my friends are running short, real friends. I know tons and tons of people and can hang out with any of them. But it's the bros I'd take a bullet for that are leaving me short.


So pretty much I've trying to hang out with more people and get closer to my family who I use to be a straight up dickhead to. I'd always fight with my mom and grandma but something recently made me realize these are the people that care about me most and I've been trying to give it back. I spend more time with my parent, mom and dad separate, and go fishing with my grandpa once a week and this and my the shit I've realized has made me want to be a better person. Not want to get fucked up all the time and take shit one step at a time.

I talked to my one friend who I said was fading and i think that helped. He just gets distant with everyone sometimes. He explained it to me and I don't really want to go into details but atleast I think everything with him will always be cool.


I thought this all out and put it together but I couldn't say any of it the way I wanted to. I'm not getting all serious about this or being soft about it either. But I just don't want to loose all the stuff that matters most to me. When it comes down to it, to me atleast, friends and family are all you got.

 

Not sure where else I'd want to live. Love the little surfer town, 20 minutes from daytona. If I ever got some big bucks I might try Miami or Santa Cruz or some place you see in cali on MTV