I hate it when this happens

Been seeing this girl here and there for a while now. We have been on the same page (at least she was playin along) with not lookin for a relationship. We go out to see a movie the other night before heading back to her place (shutter island...fucking weird, deff go sober to that shit) and somewhere along the way she lets it slip she's looking for more (read more of a relationship type deal, not just sex). I could see myself with this girl down the road, maybe? was in an ultimately studpid relationship for the latter half of the summer and fall, and am back on the playing field. Part of me says let her go to stop leading her on, another smaller part of me says keep playin it while I can (sex is great), and some drunken voice in the back of my mind yells out "give her what she wants" every now and then before being bound and gagged and thrown back in the closet.

She's got her own damn issues, none her own fault (not nuts for a change, smart, funny, etc), and i'm on a ledge. why am I being such a bitch about this though, thinkin I should keep up my end of the bargain and see what happens? then again the last thing this girl needs is to be gettiung jerked around by my ass at this point in her life. Where the fuck did this conscience thing come from? I dunno, I'll be making my way to her place tonight, needa get my head on straight tho fuck.

 

I dig the girl, i think, not too often I find someone as intelligent as I am (she's probably smarter actually, but I didint say that ). I know telling her would be the way to go if thats what I want, I'm no rookie. thing is i'm on a bridge here, I somehow found myself crossing the river of freedom, and not sure I want to give up all the shit I got going for me now. she knows there are others, so she must know there would be some time involved in breaking them off... As far as crazy goes...its probably a 3-1 ratio (nuts to sane). Most the relationships come with the saner/level headed of the bunch (maybe not the first, but I was younger/dumber)..

Biggest thing is I am pretty sure I'd be setting myself up for one hell of a fall. Lets just say her health puts a very real possiblity of a short expiration date.

 

O boy. Was hanging with her tonight. Let her know I'm feeling what she is. We have some drinks, have our fun and what not. Then the health thing rears its ugly head. This will be an interesting ride...

 

you got PM. We've been having our fun. I can say that I taught her how to skate, that was a good time. unfortunately the drinking tends to irritate things, but we been having our fun anyway. too bad she gets drug tested at the hospital she interns at...cant smoke the green either...

the whole love thing isn't one of my strong points. now random hook ups and what not...thats another story. Heres to learning on the fly, fuck it.

 

It'll be an interesting ride...just hope i don't fuck it up. Not so good at the whole relationship thing.